lately, a few memories have been flooding my mind, not sure why. it’s been a rough few months, honestly. and flashbacks haven’t made them any easier.

classes and homework are taking up a lot of my time, but still, feels like i’m spreading myself thin. friend of mine started to talk more regularly with me this year and they think it’s great and all but half the time i don’t know what to say. every time we talk, i feel so drained; i just physically can’t keep talking for the whole day.

kinda hard to explain, but it just constantly feels like i’m being talked down to, though i might just be overthinking it. also i’m just stupid because i end up… sending things i know i don’t want to send, just because i know the other person expects it.

started typing because i wanted to empty out my brain, but really all my thoughts are so messy that it feels like i can’t do it.

lately i’ve been getting so upset about small things. actually, to me they don’t feel small, but they probably are. it just kinda hurts to see your mom treat someone who’s not family the way you wish you were treated, you know? it’d be nice to be taken into consideration sometimes, instead of having to remind people who are supposed to be close to you of your existence.

i’ve been thinking a bit about my thoughts on certain adult topics and how i feel about them, for some reason. stumbling across it is fine, i don’t really care. but being sent suggestive or straight up explicit things makes me so uncomfortable. i wonder why. it just feels disgusting. actually, i probably know why.

really, i don’t know what i think about lately. not sure about what i want, what i crave or what i need. feels like my brain is fighting itself. guess that having one person that genuinely, actually cares wouldn’t hurt.