Almost 8 years of friendship brought to an possible end, by not being appreciated by the better half… Your focus seems to be on new demeaning acquaintances, some crush you won’t conquer and some heavy veil of depression. I understand, yes I do.
Do you know, what freedom feels like.? I know. I have tasted it’s beauty, while taking exactly 7 days of radio silence from you. It has not peaked, like it does, when we laugh together. However, it is constant. A constant in my life, is what I need the most. And it is not you.
It was supposed to be airplanes, to visit each other. Why do they exist, when they only bring people, that I will never get to know.? I got to know you, when you were taught the way of depression from your boyfriend. We formed each other’s sadness.
Sometimes I wonder, if I hadn’t met you, would I now be this person.? Well, of course I wouldn’t be… But to what degree.? Who am I without you.? It’s too soon, to tell that. But I do remember who I was before you stepped into my life.
I was half a boy, split down in the middle. Lost in daydreaming and taking in the night, like no other. Living in Europe, while you’re an american star. Timezones came in handy for us. Did I mind staying up, until 2 hours before school started.? No I didn’t. Coffee became an addiction, same as the online world.
Dozing off in school or immediately after, imagining how to build up my simulacrum. It’s like that version was sewn onto the missing part of my body. It felt somehow, like I could heal with people, who felt not okay in this daily madness. These half’s were merged. I am now covered with invisible stitches.
Seasons came, friends went but we stayed connected. However you were not even my first priority back then. But time does wither away everything. Last spirit’s standing, as I like to call it. And you were the spirit, who is still most precious to me until this day.
I have a lot of thinking to do… And that is just because you didn’t accept me letting you go. Not you per se, but letting the pain go.