Ever feel like…

…you are constantly striking out? And I don’t mean in the patriarchal sex way but like in every conversation I have, the things that i am trying to say get interpreted in a different way than how I intended and the other person won’t tell me what they heard or how they feel when I ask. I feel broken, like maybe there is a part of humanity that I am missing. I know we are all having a hard time and I hope we can find ways to move at the pace of love, talk things through and assume good intentions. When people dehumanize me as a queer, trans or brown person, I’m told (problematically) that is is my responsibility to invite that person to understand my hurt but I don’t know that the courtesy is extended. I think I have to keep thinking and trying to understand if there are ways I can shift. I worry that this will prevent me from functioning in this world. I want to quit the million things Im doing but also want to just run away. I think about death but I don’t want to die. I want to not hurt. I wish people understood that.