I truly am all alone. No one will believe me. No one will empathize with me. No one will understand me. No one will take my side. I’m the bad one. I’m the evil one. I’m in the wrong, always. My decisions are all selfish, my attitude is always bad, I’m always making mountains out of molehills. I should just be quiet and take it, everyone says. I’m just maladjusted. I’m the pariah, I’m the freak.
I don’t have the strength to believe in myself when no one else believes in me. I don’t have the tenacity to work through the pain of being eternally unloved, unaccepted, unappreciated, and unvalued. I want to kill myself. I really want to do it. I just can’t go on this way.
I will never be understood. My asks will never be granted by anyone. My decisions will never be accepted by anyone. There will never be a place for me in this world. It’s me against all of humanity, because I’ve been rejected by humanity, I’ve been rejected by society.
4 comments
Personally, I think you should take a step back from what others are saying and be less quick to respond. You don’t need others to validate you, your thoughts or your emotions. I know you’re struggling and from what I’ve learned you HAVE to be selfish with your mental health or in your recovery. I don’t mean using it as an excuse but it is a valid reason as to why things are more difficult.
Now from more of an emotional approach, I’m really sorry you’re struggling and I know you won’t believe me when I say this but things do get better. Don’t listen to people that aren’t in your best interest, they’ll only drag you down farther.
I know what it’s like to want to die and to almost die, trust me it’s more pain than it’s worth. I spend every day trying to regain everyone’s trust because I’ve deceived everyone. If people think you are selfish now they will never think of you in any other way. I don’t think you are selfish though.
Just please take care of yourself. You also won’t believe this but you matter and that’s coming from a stranger. stay with us, if you use your painful experiences to see the
world differently, you’ll find there are more opportunities to find where you belong.
Hope this helps
I sounded just like this before I was ready to commit suicide last year.
I gave up everything. I felt so stabbed in the back by so much I believed in. By people I thought I could trust.
I’m sorry… I just hope you’re going to make it. You’re so upset.
And… like I had everything ready, the note, the route, the tools.
I hated the planet. I was done with hate crimes, for being myself, who I am, the sexual violence that has happened, just to happen again, No, I was finished.
Being smeared was the last straw after physical and sexual abuse that year