why have things been getting worse? they were looking up just a handful of weeks ago, i feel dreadful. i haven’t hyperventilated this much since i was in grade school, and i’m always on the brink of tears each hour of the day.
i don’t mean anything to anyone, how could i let my guard down and be tricked like that? i feel so dumb, so stupid! i don’t have anyone i could talk to, not even crisis people can help me. no one wants to be around me.
no one takes me seriously anymore when i say i’m sad, im sure as hell everyone thinks i’m attention seeking. maybe i am.. i’m not sure anymore.
what does it feel like to be held, to have someone love you? how does it feel like to be kissed on the forehead, to be safe? how does it feel like to be so happy and hopeful for your own future, for tomorrow?
i don’t understand. i don’t understand..
edit: maybe i just feel alone because i isolate from everyone when i get like this. i feel abandoned.. when i’m not. it’s not anyone’s fault, not my friends. i need to stop saying it is. it’s just wrong.
but i can’t help feel alone.. i wish i did have more friends or even real life friends!
i’ve reached out to one of my teachers. we have a board game club there.. i hope i do make friends this final year i have of school..