why have things been getting worse? they were looking up just a handful of weeks ago, i feel dreadful. i haven’t hyperventilated this much since i was in grade school, and i’m always on the brink of tears each hour of the day.
i don’t mean anything to anyone, how could i let my guard down and be tricked like that? i feel so dumb, so stupid! i don’t have anyone i could talk to, not even crisis people can help me. no one wants to be around me.
no one takes me seriously anymore when i say i’m sad, im sure as hell everyone thinks i’m attention seeking. maybe i am.. i’m not sure anymore.
what does it feel like to be held, to have someone love you? how does it feel like to be kissed on the forehead, to be safe? how does it feel like to be so happy and hopeful for your own future, for tomorrow?
i don’t understand. i don’t understand..
edit: maybe i just feel alone because i isolate from everyone when i get like this. i feel abandoned.. when i’m not. it’s not anyone’s fault, not my friends. i need to stop saying it is. it’s just wrong.
but i can’t help feel alone.. i wish i did have more friends or even real life friends!
i’ve reached out to one of my teachers. we have a board game club there.. i hope i do make friends this final year i have of school..
12 comments
I feel you. These are really big things, and I believe in your ability to seek answers and help. Take care of yourself, you deserve it.
thank you for understanding.. i really appreciate it!
I feel you. These are really big things, and I believe in your ability to seek answers and help. Take care, you deserve it.
Sorry that you’re going through a tough time. I could see at the end you stated how it feels to be loved, to have kisses, and other stuff. The thing is that you can never depend on that. Happiness from another person isn’t true happiness. I come from within yourself. Never seek it from others. It seems maybe your best option is to seek a counselor if you can and just focus on the things that make you happy. I don’t know what triggered this event for you, but it might be best to push through school and seek some coping skills. Don’t be ashamed if you have to take a break from school though. Your metal health is most important. If you need a break from it, take that break and go back and finish when your ready. If it had to do with a person you were close with or if you felt a person desert you, try and just focus on school only. Try not to get too attach to someone that could cause you pain. Best of luck to you.
it’s mostly due to the reason that i’m alone on most days. all my friends are online, but even then.. i’m not that interesting to talk to. i think that loneliness sparked this event for me, now i just feel terrible.
i’m not sure where to start, i’ve seeked help in many places. my teachers, counselors, therapists.. i’ve been hospitalized before. but it’s all the same. they continue to shove stupid “safety plans” down my throat.
it feels hopeless.
@Furby : I’m not sure what the cliques are like at your school, so this is give or take, but maybe you’re too shy 😛
Say hi to someone new, aim for someone known for being friendly. Doors open when you open up little by little.
My closest friendships always started in your shoes, felt like I was at a dead end. I always dreaded the first hang out. Always grew into years of closeness.
@Apollo
Are you a guy? Because you sound like a divorced dad decorating on Christmas all “maybe you should see a counselor” for wanting a bf/gf haha xD
My dad would do that frickin funny xD
I keep getting this meme in my head where teenage girl says I need a boyfriend and the next image her on a bus to the psych ward xD
I am a guy yes, but I’m no dad though lol. I’m just a single individual is all. Therapy works for some people and sometimes it doesn’t. Then there are meds which are helpful to some and others not. I think my main focus was to get her to try it out, which she did. I would say doing something you truly love is where you get your true happiness. For me, it’s music and playing a sax. Does it always work? No. Sometimes the world is just a crappy place to be. It’s all about adapting to it sadly.
You’re naive if you let your guard down, but you’re a prude if you keep it up and you’re undesirable if you’re not in relationships, but you’re easy if you are. Everything’s a double bind. Either choice is fine because either choice will be criticized, so don’t be down on yourself for making a decision. People will trick you to one up you no matter what you do. Everyone gets shafted no matter their decisions.
And crisis hotlines and resources are hit or miss. Last time I called, I was really going through it, and was super delusional and weak, and they laughed at me through the phone, and it takes a lot to get those fuckers to be phased by anything. But they help some people. Take care of yourself, you’re not doing things wrong; things just generally suck.
Yes, things suck but that’s how new beginnings start, you just have to force yourself not to withdraw from people and blame yourself too hard