Hey hello you there.. if you see this post may you keep reading.. i really need your help.. SO
There will be a wedding party around 2 weeks from now. The groom is one my best friend and the bride is a fake friend/ a witch/idk what i should called her. As you guys know im battling my depression for 2-3 years and i just getting better this month, struggling by myself without medical, parents, or friends help.
Now i am fatter like 10kg more than before. Ive been locking myself all these years and doesnt want to meet my friends. One of the reason why i have depression because i lost my trust in humanity. For short ive been living as a kind person who stand up for the bullies and always ready to help someone who need me and even position myself as an alternative (“if at the end you still cant find someone to help just call me” thats what i usually said), even in my hectic time i try to help. But one day when i was in my hard time nobody wanted to help me, they left one by one, and some of them backstabbed me.
“The bride to be” is a friend that suddenly come and slowly by the time split up my best friend circle (our best friend circle started from senior high school). Not in a bad way. She have different lifestyle than us. She likes different things from us. We were nerd and geek who share the same hobbies and passion. Then one day “the groom to be” asked to add her into our group chats. And thats how things started to go wrong. She chatted and sent photos too much about her day in the group chats unlike us. One of my friends didnt like it. She invited us to go shopping and eating out together a lot (sometimes its too pricey) unlike us. Another one of my friends couldnt keep up with it. She would skip if she didnt like the places we wanted to go, in the end we cancelled it because it didnt feel right to leave her. She like to teased me and my friends as couples (“You like her. You like him. You are a match. Why you dont like him/her? You should start seeing each other”) unlike us. Another one of my friends got angry to her but she didnt stop.
When she met me she likes to comment about my outfit/body. (“You are thinner. You are chubbier. Your dress is too open.”). I never wear something revealing. Never show my cleavage/belly/back/upper arm, and make sure my skirt cover everything or my mom gonna disown me. Once i wear white open shoulder top with long sleeve and long jeans (like twice heartshaker outfit) and she said (“why dont you take off your clothes?”). Me and my friends was speechless then she brushed it away like nothing happened, didnt said sorry at all. Actually she is the one who likes to wear revealing clothes showing her cleavage, arm, and back. But we never tease/talk bad about it instead my friend offered a jacket to her if the weather cold. She is always whiter, taller, thinner, and even have big boobs like a model. One day she kept telling me i look thinner to everyone when im not, like we didnt have another topics to talk about, so i spoke up “Guys honestly tell me who is thinner me or her?” And everyone said its her and thats when she stopped doing it to me that day. You can say im stupid because when she did that to me i usually just laugh it away, i dont like fighting and problems especially in this case my friend likes her.
Then one day I realized that our group chat was full of her chats and I couldnt even find our last sincere chat anymore. My friends and I can no longer talk/discuss about our hobbies, interests, or problems in the group chat. The atmosphere changed into something else and we drift apart. Still friends but not as close as before.
A long time passed and next i have depression so i delete/deactivate all my social media and thats how i lose contacts. But there is one friend from the circle that keep trying contacting me so for short he knows my story and situation. Sometimes we talk to each other and he always listen to my sadness and always cheer me up.
So after a long story my question is… “Do i need to go to my friend wedding party?” I still need to find a new dress and learn to do my makeup (i stopped doing what i love since the depression come). No time to diet. But what I’m most afraid of is she mocking me again (“You are fatter. Uglier. Whats your job? What happened to you? Why your face looks sad?”) Im afraid her words makes me feel sad when im just getting better. Last remember that the groom is one my best friend. I do want to come for my best friend tho..
Thank you for reading the whole story and give me an answer. God bless your soul.
it depens on you , if you see ,come to their party is opportunity for you to try see the world again , you should go… maybe you in the condition that doesn’t thrust anyone ,but there are 7 bilion human, even you have meet a million of them its 0.0001%. its not wise if you think that all the same. ok forget about it and back to topic
its very good if you are getting better from your condition , so prioritize it to the top of your list . if you fear about negative comment from the bride , try to think thats maybe a long time ago , life changed maybe the people changed too. don’t think too much about it. but if you can’t still handle your fear , just DON’T GO
may you will regret that you does’t come to your bestfriend wedding , but remember to prioritize yourself first. so back to you , what you can’t handle? a fear or a regret? if you can’t handle fear just don’t go, then if you can’t handle a regret just go
for me , fear and sadness is a moment but regret is forever. im sorry that my comment is complicated, and my words may does’t fit to your condition. so Enjoy your life and keep trying
I decided not to go at the end. I ask my friend to make it live in his IG. I watch it from the start till the end surprisingly i feel so happy and even scream in my room for them. Im glad i can see their wedding even tho thru a phone and they even come and say hello for a sec to the phone. My friend give me a spare photo from the photobooth and i treasure it so much. Watching them again even tho thru phone and a photo makes me feel warm. Idk why. And thank you for taking a moment and replying. Really thank you.
It’s about what is best for you, because you being healthy is the best thing for those that care about you. It sounds like you are somewhat of a people pleaser, which I can relate to. It took me a long time to learn to say no when it means protecting my health.
That being said, expectation management is what you need to work on if you decide to go. So this bride is….. difficult to be around. Every time you’re going into a conversation and she’s there, expect her to say something snide or awful. Maybe she’s grown and doesn’t, in which case you’d be pleasantly surprised.
I can see both sides. Going and getting through it would be a victory, something to make you feel less isolated and down on yourself. Not going though and doing something for you, that might be growth in a different way.
If you don’t go, my advice is to send a gift and a note (doesn’t have to be expensive), expressing how happy you are for the couple, but due to health problems it is not possible for you to attend. That way you don’t alienate someone you care about, and it can be pulled together later when you feel better. Just because they’re getting married doesn’t mean he has to do everything with her. Wait six months and meet him for coffee or something, if he’s as good a friend as you say I think he’d understand.
I decided not to go at the end. I ask my friend to make it live in his IG. I watch it from the start till the end surprisingly i feel so happy and even scream in my room for them. Im glad i can see their wedding even tho thru a phone and they even come and say hello for a sec to the phone. My friend give me a spare photo from the photobooth and i treasure it so much. Watching them again even tho thru phone and a photo makes me feel warm. Idk why. I congratulate the groom and the bride thru chats. Thank you for your reply it means a lot for me.
i see lots, lots, lots of negatives and no positives. the only reason to go is because you feel obligated to your friend, but literally everything else you said is a huge negative. DON’T GO. that’s my advice 🙂