a few steps in the right direction

I’m trying to appreciate my progress, even when it seems small, especially when it seems small, because small is all I’ve got.

so five days straight on my shower a day goal successful, I need to be pleased about it. It’s still work, I’m a ways yet before it is a habit.

I read a book that really did it for me, Ambrose Ibsen’s The Other Woman. I devoured the thing in two days. It touched on some important themes for me, loss, and trying to make sense of the absurdly awful. I’m still processing, but I think it was good progress.

Finally, the best progress in awhile; I got my truck to the point I can use it regularly. Maybe to some people it’s just a truck, and I have a car so what’s the big deal? The big deal is that I have a more spiritual connection to my truck. It’s been a lot of work, and there’s a lot of work left to do. But it running and functioning signals to me I can gain mastery in an area of my life. We got a battery maintainer put on it so the battery won’t go dead again…. it’s been a long struggle on that front. The other thing I was worried about was the A/C clutch, but it’s going good enough for all I use it for, the defroster. I don’t run the truck when it’s hot out anymore. And I think with a few more weeks of work I can get the bed cleared out, so it’ll be useable again.

so, in summary, some progress. I’ve got to cling onto that, hold it close, because there are dark days yet ahead, and there’s no one coming to save me, apart from me.