I had the strength to look at a job listing today. It’s hard for a lot of people to understand, but this is more optimism than I’ve felt in a long time. I haven’t worked for a year. The thing about it is that even though I’m qualified, it is a reach, most jobs that would interest me are. I’m sick of building up my career with low level jobs. For perspective my field is public health, mental health, especially involving children. I’m looking at going back to social work, A; because I think I’m good at it, B; because it’s one of the few educated jobs that doesn’t require living in a city.
I guess I’ll start with what inspired me; I saw a video about recovering from a toxic workplace and it reminded me that at one time I was considered a talented rising star. My failure at my last three jobs could very well be due to failures on both sides. I can learn, grow, and possibly find someplace to belong.
So I’ve been wanting to move to Michigan’s Upper Penensula. The climate is to my liking, and it’s an easier place than where I live currently to buy acreage. Conditions are better for raising children there as well.
Armed with these two motivating factors; regaining my competence, and living where I want to, I decided to seek out the one job I know how to do, child welfare. There was an opening.
And this is where my doubt starts to seep in, because it seems like it can’t be that good. The pay is about the same, but better benefits and lower cost of living mean it would go a lot further. Second, it’s union, in a state where that means a lot. Third, it’s the UAW, who just won the largest contract dispute in my adult life. I know unions aren’t perfect, but I can’t do this “right to work” crap anymore. The employer has no compulsion to facilitate health or success in employees under this system.
I have to wait a few days to gather my documents, and in that time I have to make up my mind to sell my skills if I want to succeed. In that time I need to figure it out, can I relocate and do a very tough job, if it means rebuilding my life? Will it help rebuild my life? Or is this another case of big promises, low return?
Is this hope, or false hope? I just can’t take any more false hope. I could end up overextending myself way too far, and end up really screwed up. On the other hand, if I win….. if I succeeded, I might get to live a somewhat normal life again.