I read disturbing stories, often just looking for something to feel. Usually it’s horror. So if horror specifically dealing with suicidal people sounds like a yuck thing, bail, nothing else of value here.
BTW, before I get into my hypothetical, if you’re looking for a full length book on the subject, The Black Farm is both substantially disturbing, and dealing with suicide. I need to reread that. The guy wrote a sequel, but I’m less than enthused about that.
It’s the first story in the collection You Know It’s True by JR Hamantaschen , a story called; “I should have been a pair of ragged claws / Scuttling Across the Floors of Silent Seas”
The surrounding story is, meh on it’s own. It’s about a young man who kills himself. That particular part is dull, familiar even. But, spoilers ahead, there’s a concept in it that I confess I can’t keep to myself. The concept is that he joins an unconventional suicide prevention group, one that claims a 100% success rate. The story ticks along but it slowly comes around that this is the only truly interesting thing going on.
Again, spoiler;
The group all make a vow to each other that they will never kill themselves. If they fail in their vow, the rest of the group vows to kill their family. And revealing that is all the story has to do, one of the guy’s siblings dies, it’s implied the rest of the family will.
But at the end of it all, far from being disturbed as is probably appropriate, I’m puzzled. Would that work for anyone? Would that make it less likely you’d commit suicide?
Because leaving behind a victim of suicide is already so awful….. it’s a fair part of what keeps me alive I don’t mind saying. It’s here that I start doubting the 100% success rate, and of course am reminded this is a work of fiction. But fiction has to be plausible, right?! I see why the guy in the story wasn’t motivated, it’s implied he joined the group intentionally for just that outcome. THAT makes sense. Not that I advocate anything like it, but sociologically a lot of males want to leave a trail of bodies in their wake when they go.
and even writing this, I wonder if it breaks some rule. I just want to know if that would actually work for any of us, actual suicidal people. Because damn if I know a good reason why I’m still here. Mostly momentum, the habit of breathing, eating and sleeping…. and the awful effort of trying to stop. Would worse consequences actually slow me down? Would it slow anyone down?
and it ends with him leaving a notebook with a cryptic sentence that is really a joke, and wondering if they’d find the notebook before something happened to them.