Im such a loser.

So I pretty much have become tired of living my life. I feel
like a waste of space most of the time. After my Mom died and my Dad married my
step mom my life has changed drastically. It’s not that I don’t like my Dad; he
just doesn’t know how to deal with things himself. For example he goes out to
drink a lot and acts younger than his 17 year old daughter does. If he’s not
out he’s at work or in his room which leaves me with no choice but to sit in my
room all day. I have quite a few friends but only two close ones, but they’re
always busy it seems so I basically have no life. I feel like I have no one to
talk to. Even though my friends say they’re there for me, I rarely tell them
anything because I feel like they wouldn’t want to waste their time listening
to my stupid problems. So instead I just bottle everything up. But, that doesn’t
work forever. I’ve had suicidal thoughts for awhile, but I know I’ll never kill
myself because my future will hopefully be 10xs better. But, until then it
sucks being alone trying to keep my mind away from all the hate I have towards myself,
which doesn’t really work out. I’m beginning to really hate myself and I don’t want
to but I feel like such a loser and a fuck up. Everyone always talks about all the things
they do, but I just stay in my room waiting for one of my friends to not be
busy and text me to do something. I really wish I could just go to sleep and
disappear for awhile. I just wish there was someone that I could talk to. Well
this concludes my rant for now.