I am a 31yo male, clinically diagnosed (smoke and mirrors) as having major depressioen when I was five. I’ve seen therapists and counselors for years and currently i’m seeing one for an hour each week. It does nothing. When I was younger, all I wanted was to grow up. I thought that if I were an adult, kids wouldn’t make fun of me.. i’d have a respectable job. A wife.
Nothing can be further from the truth. I’m a 31yo loser who is forced to live in his parents basement after having been dumped by his girlfriend of 8 years for a woman. I have no car. I had a job and then I was fired. I’m not unintelligent, it just seems that life is actually quite difficult. Nothing ever lines up. I had met this girl, she is a bit younger than I am. I had fallen for her but she chose her ex and her other ex over me.
Now all I think about is how she is lying to me.. everyone is lying to me. Everyone is having fun living life but me. My life is nothing. I spent hours staring at facebook. No one talks to me. I try to talk to people but it doesn’t work so well. I think they are sick of hearing me ‘*****’.
To me, it’s not bitching. It’s a fucking cry for help. I’d meet new people but how many women want a 31yo guy with no job/car/apartment? No one wants that. I’m so freaking alone, I can go for weeks on end without physically saying a word. I know this sounds selfish but i’d love to kill myself just so this one woman could feel some pang of regret or remorse. The guy that ‘has her on the back burner’ rotates between 10 women. He’s completely bald, lies.. oh but he has a job and a car and an apartment.
I’m already half-way dead. It’s not getting any better from here on out. It just seems like living my life has been a huge waste. Nothing is easy, nothing is fair.
39 comments
When I was 31 I was also living with my parents with no job . That was 10years ago, today I’m 41, married with a 6 year old son and own a house with a dog 4 cats and a bunch of fish. Life is good, yet I still think about death and suicide. WTF? Right? Actually my point I was trying to make is a lot can happen in a short time. Hang in there, you never know what waits around the corner.
Thanks, I really appreciate that.
Numbners, I found your post! I hope you don’t mind if I comment to you on your situation.
“I’d meet new people but how many women want a 31yo guy with no job/car/apartment?”
That’s NOT who you are. Yeah, you’re out on your ass. But that’s due to circumstances not in your control. When you introduce yourself to people, let them see the articulate, realistic man with ambitions you are. (These are qualities I could see from your post.. but I’m sure you have many more.)
31 isn’t old. Did you know that age 100+ is the fastest growing demographic in the world? With all the teens getting pregnant, that’s pretty impressive. Time is on your side.
You already know how I feel about the relationship problems from my other posts. People are out there who are worth your while. It’s hard to find them. Luckily, most of the people who aren’t, are pretty transparent. And if anyone makes you feel less than what you actually are worth, then that’s your answer right there to whether or not you should allow them into your life.
I think the low self-esteem you had as a child is transferring onto your adult life.. I can’t yell at you for that; that’s exactly what’s happened to me. But recognize it, think about it. You’re not a little kid anymore and no one can make you feel inferior except yourself!
PS: Blackhole and I know how much a kitty cat or pup can brighten up your day 🙂
I miss my dogs!! I had parson-russell terriers and a long-haired chihuahua that I had to leave with my ex. When I meet someone, I don’t start off with “I am a single man living at his parents home with no job, income, car..” lol. It’s just tough to lie about that. It even makes me feel uncomfortable to ‘nudge’ the truth. I also think that I am just basically setting my sights on people who are unwilling to reciprocate..
And yes, I think you are right about the self-esteem. It’s funny, people tell me all the time “oh confidence! you need confidence!” I like me. I can look in the mirror and like what I see, but for some reason it just seems like I have to convince others to see what I see..
Also i’d like that grumpy dwarf cat with stubby legs for christmas
I know no one could replace the little buddies you had, but getting yourself that kitty cat for Christmas might really cheer you up! Sometimes, my pets are the only brightness I have in my days. But they always make me smile and I HAVE to be okay, because I HAVE to take care of their needs.
I know you don’t introduce yourself like that, Lmao! The best thing to do, though, is – instead of acting uncomfortable – to just be straight forward about it. Maybe use a little humor. I know it’s painful to reflect on your past, but sometimes seeing it from an outside perspective and just laughing about the way things pan out can be helpful.
Some people aren’t going to want to enter new friends into their life. I think moving gradually is the key to creating new friendships. Rome wasn’t built in a day! (Actually, the city I live in is called Rome, and it’s complete crap. So maybe it was?) Connect with family and old friends first. Just let things fall into place. Don’t get involved with anymore secret lesbians, though.
I completely get where you’re coming from in the last paragraph. Sometimes I feel like everyone hates me unless I’m being this crazy, funny, over-the-top person. I feel like I have to prove my worth, and my confidence outside of my own mind is completely falsified. I’m still working on being myself and not caring what others think. I used to not be able to speak out loud when I was a kid, and now I socialize, make presentations, work, etc. We improve everyday, slowly.
http://i47.tinypic.com/ea2w6b.jpg
oh my gosh it looks so evil and fluffy!
@ilikesloths. Awwww kitty! ^_^
Said the easily amused cutter.
I guess I really just have to get out there and try (without expecting anything). Letting things fall inughto place.. What is strange, is that i’ve always felt like nothing falls into place. I have to force it. If I have to force a relationship, then it’s definitely not a relationship. I have friends who could maybe be lovers some day. I don’t like the uncertainty, especially since I need to devote my affection to one potential relationship at a time.. if that makes any sense. I guess i’m sort of old-fashioned and ass-backwards. I’m spending all of this energy on a woman who has a boyfriend (missing teeth up front, balding, not overly intelligent- her words) why I let her get to me… is just beyond me. I don’t want to be put on the back burner. And the guy who introduced me to her (and used to date her) lied to me and slept with her while she was still with her boyfriend and he told her not to tell me because ‘he would be hurt’. hmmm.. but she still ‘cares’ for that sleaze-bucket and he told her that she will always be on the ‘back burner’ (convenient, no?) argh!
Numbners, I don’t have very many friends. but all the ones I have, have “fallen into place.” I’ve tried to force relationships, but it never works. it does make sense that you need to devote your attention to one person at a time, but maybe you should devote very little attention to each friend. I don’t work like this, you clearly don’t work like this, but.. believe it or not.. most people don’t put very much thought into their friendships at all! if you can try to focus on having fun with the people you see, rather than developing great friendships or even romantic relationships, you’ll have a better chance of things developing naturally.
I’m sorry, but that girl sounds.. well, I don’t want to say anything horrible because I know every action has a cause! other people go through things too. but she sounds like the type of girl who is not worth your damn energy, at all. rejection always hurts, but you have to choose not to play the game.. I stand by this: NEVER BE SECOND BEST! never allow yourself to be an option, or taken for granted.. if you feel that way, do not devote your emotions to that person.
life is truly unpredictable. horrible things can happen. but you know, some of that uncertainty you have might turn into some really good, good things.
She means well and I know she’s trying not to destroy me but you are right!
I’m glad you can realize that! my biggest problem is feeling worthless at some points.. people have the tendency to make others feel that way. just remember that you need to exist for yourself. best of luck with everything, Numbners xx
People just aren’t considerate.. I’ve been there for her as a friend and when I say I am going to do something, I do it. With her.. today or tomorrow turns into a week. I mine as well play that game, too
Do you want to elaborate on it? You can feel free to vent to me. And yes.. Sometimes it’s better to detach yourself – even if it is a bit of a game- than continue to give your all to someone who hasn’t earned it.
Simple things like “I will call you later tonight” and I don’t hear from her for over a week. I’m not possessive. Maybe a little needy but i’m pretty sure that is due to me being lonely. I just need to leave her alone.
You do. Like in Sten’s case (that we both commented on earlier), people don’t know what they have until they’re gone… And maybe that will be a wake up call for her. But I think it will be even more of a wake up call for you. You don’t need her, your ex, me, your parents, anyone. If people bring you down, it’s best to walk away sooner than later. Trying to detach yourself from someone hurts so bad, but it will be better for you in the long run and has the added affect of teaching others a lesson.
Absolutely!
She can have toothless-joe-mcgee or serial-cheater. Grr!
I delete my lousy facebook page once a week. I’m not even sure why I keep it.
And you can have some gorgeous woman who hasn’t made out with someone with no teeth before and doesn’t risk having an STD due to sleeping with scum! SEE! It all works out for the best.
Honestly, just get rid of it for good. What I did was change my password to something I could never remember again and then deactivate it. It’s no good for you. I’m not sure any internet is, actually.
Seriously! She just popped on for 3 or 4 minutes and then signed off. How dare she..
I hate fuckbook. I deleted it for the reasons you hate it. No one talks to me.
One day I had an epiphany. My SUPPOSED assfuck best friend was fucking two men while she had a wonderful hot as hell BF at home. She was fine with home boy until the one who rejected her a few yrs back shows up.
Dumps awesome guy. Picks up with yet another guy as fallback. Leaves awesome guy clueless and bleeding from her actions. She lied to him but told him to wait a little while she was in no shape to be in a relationship (yeah – with him).
I watched her lie to everyone. I figured her out for what she was. She would hang out with me when in between jobs, lonely or trying to impress some guy. She would post ridiculous statements and LOOK AT ME ARENT I FUCKING AWESOME posts all over FB. I knew what was really going on – and yet this is what most dickwagons do on FB. Very few give a shit. It is a narcissistic stomping ground for assholes.
Dont gauge your life or worthiness by FB. This same stupid **** mused that it is amazing how a person has a ton of fb friends and never speak to them or see them in real life. And she has over 300. I had like – 60?
She was one of the worst offenders of a lying sack of shit and I shut her ***** ass down. Yeah it hurt but reality is better than playing along with ARENT I FUCKING AWESOME WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE LOOK AT ME freak girl.
Get rid of FB. Your life will improve. Like a few have said – it hurts but you have to detach from asswipes to save yourself. It will be lonely and painful. But these people need to be let go. Begin again. You can do it.
I just deleted it. Yeah, I had about 60 people I actually knew fairly well at one point or another. I think this woman could end up like that, potentially at least. Everyone’s life is so good. Yeah, no
Keepbreathing, LMAO. YOUR POST KILLED ME. Because it’s so fuckin’ true! Facebook is a complete waste of life. And I completely agree with your last statement in relation to Numbner’s situation. It sucks, it hurts, it’s hard – not to mention, social media is like a drug.. But it can and must be done in order to keep your own mental health stable.
Numbner, don’t be angry about her signing on and off Facebook. Get peoples’ phone numbers, call them up, interact in person. It’s so much more fulfilling. And of course, come on here when you need to talk, too… But not on Facebook. It’s just adding to your turmoil.
PS can some of you refrain from making comments about appearances as being negative. There are people on here who are bald – overweight – missing teeth. There are tons of young women having no self worth because they feel ugly. Some people are not as pretty or handsome as others. SOme have no insurance and cant get dental care or good nutrition. Deep clinical depression can cause hair loss in both men and women.
Have a heart and please use some restraint in making fun of those who are not aesthetically pleasing to your eyes. Not everyone is gorgeous. Post after post on this site is full of people who feel bad about their appearance.
It is not about appearance. What matters is who you are and how you feel and those willing to step up and give you a hand up – not a hand out…as a fellow human being.
If you ever get ill enough with depression you wont give a fuck what the helping person looks like. It is about survival.
I do apologize. I’m not gorgeous, either.
Numbners didn’t mean anything by it; he was just venting frustrations. And neither did I. I think it’s clear that nobody on here has a high self-esteem, including us. I respect where you’re coming from and will refrain (it’s definitely not my intention to hurt anybody) – but I don’t appreciate the lecture.
I was being a little angry man, indeed.
Angry and spiteful, Numbers. It’s okay.. It’s necessary to let it out sometimes! I hope you’re feeling at least a little better now :\
I am, thank you! I bet she won’t even realize it.
Whether she does or doesn’t, it’s best if you never find out. I mean, why care for someone who doesn’t show it in return? You can’t just keep giving to everyone and not get anything back. Maybe for a bit, but how long could you go on living like that? It’s just not fair. On that note, I have to stop staring at this screen now x__x Sleep tight tonight, Numbners. It’s been cool speaking to you, and I’m here if you need anything.
nighnight!
numbners, if that ex you really loved went for another guy, you don’t deserve her. You deserve better. You deserve someone who actually cares for you and does care the fuck whether you have a car or whatever. They are going for you for you, not your car or freaking big apartment, or endless wallet. I like guys for their personality, not the fancy car. Don’t worry, there is bound to be one girl out there who is dying to meet you.
I totally understand numbners. The girl I love has been treating my like shit for the past YEAR, when it all ended yesterday. But. Even when she said things that made me feel bad about myself, I still loved her. I felt like I was not in control of the situation and she could control everything. I think there is some analogy between numbners story and mine. Sometimes we KNOW what’s bad for us, but we still wont want to change anything. I wish I could explain WHY. When “my” girl treated me badly, I just ignored it. I don’t really know why it was so easy to do that. Well.. Maybe because I wanted to be with her too much, and that’s why I accepted everything she did to me?
But iwantaflamethrower13 is right. You deserve better. And I wish I had come to that conclusion sooner myself. I don’t feel like I wasted the year, though. I did everything I possibly could. And that makes me feel better about myself – I tried.
I know it’s going to be hard to walk away. I had to do this only yesterday.. But there is a nice saying about this: If you love her, let her go. If she comes back to you, she’s yours forever, if she doesn’t, she never was.
Sten, I’m glad you’re able to see your situation in others’ situations.. when it’s happening to you, you can’t think clearly. I hope thinking about it from an outsider’s perspective can help you see how what you’re going through isn’t fair to you – but it’s possible to get through it, you’ll be better for it after. I e-mailed you back by the way.. But I hope you’ve drifted into sleep again!
It’s only 17.07 here. A little soon to go to sleep 🙂 I wish it was time to go to sleep, though. I hate the stupid tricks my mind is playing on me now. Pure torture…