I don’t even know what to write

I feel like I am a failure at life, I also feel like I hate myself. Whenever I tell someone that I dislike my life, they tell me, “Oh theres ppl starving living on the streets.” See thats what I hate, when people tell me that. It’s almost like they are telling me that its my job to be happy because I am not that person. It’s hard for me to be happy, to motivate myself, to try something new, or just go out for random things. I always want to be by myself, or at least tell myself that. I get bored with everything, but anything new seems boring to me as well. I went to high school, did horribly, went to college did well to start, then I just realized how much I hate life again – can’t get a job, corporate fires people for the most stupid fucking things, and then I have to lie on applications and job interviews about being fired because if I say i screwed up once in life Ill get rejected. I just hate the way society is, they want to hear nothing but good things, and yet I have not a whole lot of good things to tell them. The reason I want this job is because I am 10000 dollars in debt from being fired from my last job – BOOM no hire. So society in a way wants me to lie to there faces, when I am not a liar in order to get a job. My dad is a fucking asshole, and has about a million dollars worth of assets, yet he somehow continue to smoke weed and drink alcohol every night. Whenever I ask him for help, he tells me to fuck off, and figure it out myself. My mother has a minimum wage job, and he wont even help her, I dont have a car because my dad made me buy this piece of shit thing for a hundred bucks from him because it has a rusted frame and could crack in half over a bump thats big enough. Ive had to pay for everything my entire life, yet my sister gets to use his 2007 toyota tacoma for free, not pay insurance, not pay for gas, etc. Its like, why me? Why the fuck am I so different? Maybe if he knew I thought about ways to end my life, he would think differently. Maybe Im such a screw up because of him – being told Im worthless while going to school in the morning at 7 o clock in 6th fucking grade. Maybe it is because of him and his existence that I am depressed. I do know for a fact, that my life will be 500% better off with him dead, so I am hoping he suffers and dies a painful heart attack sometime within 5-10 years. Sure ill feel a little bad, but hell, my mom my sister and I would inherit a ton of money and would be able to fix all of our debt problems, go to college, have a vehicle to get us from point A to B. All of my friends are A+ students with rich ass parents who provide them with everything they need. They are all going to graduate this year from private four year colleges, and yet I have a criminal justice degree with no certifications. Yeah, no certifications, I got straight A’s, new all my shit, and yet I got a couple underage drinking tickets, and therefore I am now a shithead according to the law, while all these other fucking idiots who are way worse than I ever was, probably have jobs even though I know, and can do way more than them. I even correct a police chief on his police report while i was doing a follow. Really….police chief….i corrected him. FML. Why the hell can’t i get a job? Oh yeah, because I drank underage, and got woke up by a cop while sleeping in my car instead of driving it. Im so sick of all the bullshit in life, and the people who create the bullshit. It’s all fucking stupid, and sometimes I wish i was dead and won’t have to deal with the idiots in this world. I hate life. I have hated life. And just by the way everythings been going, I will probably continue to always hate life. Even the meds I am on don’t fucking work, in fact they make it worse when i get off of them. Why the fuck should I be on meds, why isn’t everyone on meds? OH YEAH, its because they didnt have a shitty life, with a shitty fucking father, and parents who have money but won’t fucking help out. I would love to be that starving child in africa, at least people seem to give a shit about them, while im over here thinking if death is a good option or not, while ppl just continue to look at me as if im perfectly fine. Well FUCK YOU to the ppl who say im fine, grow up, and deal with shit, and shit happens, FUCK YOU. Im gonna continue living in this shit world, but hell, it sucks, and I hate it. Its because of people that people like me exist. I am a negative asshole, and thats because of people. If you want me to get better, stop being so fucking dumb, and look at whats right instead of what society thinks, stop being a fucking republican, stop being a fucking democrat, stop being a fucking stingie piece of shit and help people out. I don’t ask for help, cuz i know im not going to get it because I don’t have any money, because I dont have a fucking job, because I would rather tell the truth to my employers than lie. Fuck this shit.