Oh . my. fucking. god.
Long story short, I had a father who abused my mother, i would protect her causing me to get beat instead of her which was totally fine with me, as long as she wasnt hurt. one day he went too far, and she FINALLY -thank god- divorced the beast. that was around 3 years ago, and we haven’t kept in contact, (me and my father) . But my birthday, was around a month ago, and he sent presents for the very first time, whoopee. a fucking month late. cheers dad. not only that, but he sent me clothes, all in the wrong sizes. great. oh, and in addition to that, his little “letter” consisted of some random typical divorced dad apology letter bullshit, AND, get this guys, he spelled my fucking name wrong. my FUCKING name. I mean, i didn’t expect anything grand or whatever, but i mean, you couldn’t have remembered how to spell a simple name. 6 letters. your eldest daughter’s name. wow, shows how much you actually care. all i have to say is; fuck you dad. He used to say this simple thing, about me, he said i always fucked shit up and that i shouldn’t have been born in the first place. he said he always wanted a son, not a daughter. he said i had no use for sports and that i should just stay in the house, cook and clean like a mindless *****. alright, alright. i mean, i was fine with that. like, yeah it hurt, a lot, but i got used to it over time. but what i never would’ve expected is to hear my own MOTHER say that. Joy. I feel really pointless. The only thing that is making me stay here alive, right at this very moment, is just so i can talk to you guys. So i can show you guys that you do have someone who cares. -me- (: . i do care about each and every single person who has been going through a tough time, and i will always be here to talk to you. <3. so yeah. that's my introduction? The name, you guys can call me Toxic. Let's get through all this BS together. If you're ever upset, just email me, kays? mdreams71@gmail.com ~ oh btw. just so you guys dont feel awkward? i'm a female, 15 years old, asian, yup.
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8 comments
Hi Toxic and welcome to Suicide Project. I know it seems pretty sillly how your dad is trying to buy you presents yet he can’t even remember how to spell your name. It sounds like he wants to catch up on lost time with you now. He’s abusive but he’s still your father. But don’t believe the negative things he said about you. You’re not a mindless *****. You’re a nice person and you deserve to be happy. 🙂
i dont necessarily think he’s trying to catch up on lost time. he has a new wife, and daughter to take care of..
Welcome home Toxic! My name is Javierr I’m 16 and puerto rican I can relate, I too have a father love/hate relationship, only he’s my step dad. He’s a lazy piece of shet who doesn’t even work. He’s a ****, but I hope you can make it through all the pain, I’m trying to too, I’ll be right there beside you spiritually and mentally (:
Welcome home Toxic! My name is Javierr I’m 16 and puerto rican I can relate, I too have a father love/hate relationship, only he’s my step dad. He’s a lazy piece of shet who doesn’t even work. He’s a ****, but I hope you can make it through all the pain, I’m trying to too, I’ll be right there beside you spiritually and mentally (:
Another double post -.- SORRY guys
You do not deserve this. I send you my virtual love. I know you must hurting so badly and wanting love from a parent is so primal. i wish i could take your pain away. I am estranged from my daughter and have tried everything to reconcile but she does not love me any more. When the bonds between a parent and child are broken the pain can be unbearable. i cry every night for my daughter and dreamof her and can imagine how much you want and need and deserve the love of your father.
I’m also shocked your mother said that to you. Does she not remember you got beat up trying to protect her when you were just a child? That is an incredibly courageous and selfless thing to do; be proud of yourself for it! 🙂
Dad’s can be assholes. I have similar first hand experiences like yours. He knocked up my mom, stayed around for a few years(not very happy years either) and then left. Yeah, I know how you feel. I hope with complete sincerety that your life gets better. It sucks to not be able to go to the people you’re supposed to trust. In the long run, I hope you have a happy life. Sorry, not very good at this stuff:\