I suppose I do it to myself most times. I wish i could blame someone else; that would make it easier. But its all me. My stupidity, my poor decisions, my attitude. I just want it to end. I hate being numb all the time. It feels like the only thing i can feel is anger or sadness. I want to kill myself but i’m just afraid of what might happen if it doesn’t work. I don’t want to feel any more pain. I just want it to be done–quick and clean.
What am i supposed to do? There’s no reason for me to stay. I can just avoid another 60 years of pain and grief now. That is, if it works. I feel like i constantly have to prove to myself and my parents that there is something wrong with me. As if they wouldn’t believe me if i didn’t assert it. So i don’t let myself be happy. No one cares about you when you’re alive. Why do schools and parents and communities put so much emphasis on keeping you alive? They don’t give two shits; they just dont wan to be liable, that’s all.
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We want you to stay alive so that one day you can become a happy, productive member of society and give back to society. I know it sounds selfish, but that is the real reason why suicide is so frowned upon. Think of it like this. It cost your parents an amount of money to raise you from a baby to adulthood. Let’s say $100 000. All the years of schooling costs money to pay for teachers etc. Society expects you to work and pay taxes to keep the system running.
lol i appreciate the honest answer, but that really doesn’t make me want to keep living. i’m clearly a selfish person who would kill herself, despite her family’s well-being. what do i care about society. society is what i’m been running away from