I am new to this site but clearly, spending just a few minutes reviewing posts and the fact that I even landed on this site makes it clear that I have a lot in common with most of the audience here.
My challenge is that most of the posts are about being blamed our being bullied or about others not perceiving you as being good enough etc….. which I cannot identify with. The reason I hate myself and see no reason for being around is that I hate my depressions and my sadness - people looking at my life from the outside would envy the life I have, would envy the love I receive from my partner, family and friends – an unconditional love that is still there even though they know that I was lying, cheating, living a double-life and deceiving everyone I ever cared about for years…. They are all still there for me….  I should be happy but my mind just keeps shutting down and wants nothing but staying in bed, feeling sorry for myself, hating myself for feeling sorry for myself since nothing is wrong while trying hard not to open that bottle of wine until 6pm…
I blame myself for what I did, I hate myself for not being happy when I have everything I ever dreamed of while so many others have so many real challenges in life (real tangible struggles as cancer, being addicts, losing their job, losing their house, their wife, facing wars and the list goes on….)  and I am sitting here, having achieved everything I thought I wanted but pathetic enough to feel sorry for myself…
I stick around because of all the people that support me and make me get up in the morning and put on my happy face – they keep me alive but I would like to get up one morning because I genuinely want to get up, not to please someone else but to get up simply because I want to have a great day – lots of people do that don’t they?
1 comment
I used to be like you but I feel good to have people envy me. Now its like all the karma i did come back to me. Full with regret, if i could turn back time, i would never do this. You still have time to change