I just miss and crave the not so occasional drinks that would lead to reckless behavior because at this moment when I want to feel something I can’t bring myself to do anything about it. I’m not suicidal but I know that what I am feeling leads up to it. And no one can know. Everyone had their life together again but me. I feel so alone. I literally don’t feel like I belong in my own skin. I don’t like anything that I am right now or have become these past few months.
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I don’t think you really are “in your skin” because we are just like, one of those functioning crab leg things, we are all muscle with instinct and sometimes cutting becomes an instinct and my random comments make no sense to most people, but, point is.
As someone once told me,
“You can be anyone you want”
I’m so sorry lol
hello shaynax, thanks for sharing your story. I can’t claim I know you or are like you, but in my own way I feel that I can relate to you. My life isn’t together, there’s nothing solid or warm with little to no friends here and for a time I wanted to give up. But I didn’t instead I picked up all the fragments I had and started to piece together a place of my own. So when you feel like you’re alone and don’t belong. Know that there is someone out here in the same situation and he’s rebuilding. If I can do it, I wish that you can do the same.
Take care,
Bloodboil
I literally wrote to someone today:” I dont even feel right in my own skin.” I feel like I am living someone elses life…like I am superimposed on this experience. like a cartoon character or some computer generated ghost in my own “life”. its a bizarre and very uncomfortable feeling. Its as if I am nearly dead already. I cant even put it into words. Shaynax, I am sad that you feel this way you describe…I feel I can relate but make no assumption that it is the same as our pain is all our own. just know that there is a girl out in the world that cares and maybe even feels the same way.