I was sitting on my porch when my phone rang. It was my friend Mel calling. I could already hear in her voice she wasn’t okay. She said to me. ” am sorry I haven’t been in touch, it’s just that my depression has gotten worst and I had taken in. I got super skinny and been going to doctor allot and they are still running some test. It is just that I have been so ALONE…. And I have tried killing myself a couple of times. “. I felt Horrible. Little did she know I was cutting myself just the week before. And here I was trying to comfort her… I said to her that ” I have also been depressed lately. But I don’t want you to do anything stupid. How would you feel if I come up to the states and visit you for a while? She said ” oh I would love that so much. I would even help you pay for your ticket. Hey could I call you back later. ?” I told her yeah. I could tell she was crying when she hung up the phone but I don’t think she heard me say I LOVE YOU before it went dead.
I notice that I tend. To be the person that wants to help everyone but I don’t want help my self. I think am a hypocrite for telling her not to do anything. When am doing it my self. ???? I think that I am a selfish person because My mother had it worst. So why am I so angry. I want to go and visit her. But to go there and have to depress people together. Sounds crazy. I know that I always tend to be the one who helps others when their down.
She hasn’t called back as yet. It’s so strange that she is 35 and am 19 and she needs me. I just don’t want that I be 35 and still suffer with depression.
Being a Caribbean girl isn’t always fun in the sun. Most days I feel like there is a cloud roaming over my head. So how can I help her. With this shadow following me. ?