He said that he doesn’t trust me to have our baby and maybe he’s right. He think I will let something bad happen to her.
I’ve considered all of the options. All I wanted was for us to be a family. But he said I’m not good enough to have his baby or to be his family. I feel cold and numb. I have no one. He was the only person who ever loved me. I can’t live without my daughter. I can’t have an abortion. I will never be OK with that. I can’t let her live without me. She’ll think it was her fault. As though she wasn’t good enough for me. When it was the other way around.
I am a failure. I have failed my unborn baby. My only true love. And myself. I cannot go on. I have nothing to live for. Now I just wait for him to leave so I can kill myself.
If you ever find this Adam. I loved you so much. I’m sorry I ruined your life. I hope you find happiness and someone to love who isn’t a total disappointment.
I won’t ever forget you.
19 comments
Forget about that asswipe. NEVER let someone tell you to have an abortion. What a cold-hearted bastard. HE is the failure, not you. He’s not deserving of being remembered at all.
Stay strong. You can survive. Don’t depend on psycho jerks like that. If you need someone to talk to, send me an email (you can find it if you look up my comment in moderation). I wish you luck.
I couldn’t work out how to find your email address persa…everyone is saying he is a jerk. Why don’t I feel the same way? I love him. I only wanted us to be happy.
I know what you mean, but he has proven that he’s not worthy of your affection. If he truly cared for you he would never have said such things.
My email is ironplanet @ live . com (no spaces).
do you love the way he’s so mean to you, and places so little value on your existence? I bet you don’t.
“You are what you do, not what you say you’ll do.”
You’re still trapped in the mindset that he is the person you remember, prior to his abusive behaviors. But his abusive behaviors have redefined who he actually is, invalidating your previous perceptions of him. This has been so traumatic for you, that you can’t seem to adjust to the newly revealed truth, and are desperate to have back that person he used to be, though he no longer is. He is what he does, not only the parts you want to remember.
@clevername I am getting script errors so I hope you get this.
What you say is true and all though I know it I don’t know how to change how I feel. I love him. He is my best friend. In fact my only friend. While he may not be supportive he is scared himself. I only have myself to blame. It’s not how fault I am incapable of being normal. Who would kill themselves when their partner left? Someone with issues and incapabilities such as myself…
Love doesn’t end when a person changes or leaves. But no one who abuses you and tries to make you feel worthless, is your friend.
“We cannot change anything unless we accept it.” -C.G. Jung
Your worth is whatever You say it is. I won’t tell you you can’t keep trying to make him see that his abusive behavior is damaging and unacceptable… but others are not yours to change, and if he isn’t mature enough to process his own feelings and confront the reality of the situation he participated in creating, without producing results that damage you… then he’s really not being your friend, no matter how much you care about the “him” you perceive.
I suppose all you can do is keep trying to process it, and try to figure out what is really the right thing to do. But i will recommend that you minimize contact with him, instead of allowing him to continue to behave abusively; that abuse is not helping you.
Let me get this right… you are not good enough to be his baby’s mother but you are good enough for him to get you pregnant and then throw a crap line like that on you? that’s just double standard talk to harm you and deflect the responsability (and to convince you to abort). I agree with Persa, you shouldn’t depend on someone like him to carry on.
Agreed ^^
You sound as though you are very young. You are worthy, and you do matter. Keep your daughter and get out of there. He I s the one who is not worthy. You can make a great life with you and your daughter. God Bless.
I’m here to chat with if you ever need anyone to vent to..
You realize if you kill yourself, the baby will still die right? Your now aborting two lives, because you don’t want to abort one. Where is the logic in this?
I know the logic seems warped. But how would you feel if your mother killed herself days after you were born? You would blame yourself somewhat. It’s not what I want for my baby.
@ilovedyouadam I can sympathize, in the distant past an ex once told me that he would never want to have kids with me as I would make a terrible parent and that he would have to be “Super Dad” in my stead. Hahaha he was right though. But I’m sure you’ll be a good mother, hang in there.
My dear sweet girl, Adam is not your friend, but he may have given you the greatest gift in the world. Since you say he is your only friend, you have no way of knowing how true friends treat each other. You need a lot of love and a lot of care right now. Pregnancy and motherhood are not for sissies. But they will make you stronger than you ever imagined was possible. I would recommend hospitalization — you seem to have some profound psychological things to work through coupled with your physical needs. Go where you can get the help you need right now and for the duration of your pregnancy and, if possible, after the baby is born, because post-partum depression can really through a woman for a loop. Those hormones can really do a number on your head. Tell Adam the only time you want to see him is when he comes to give you the child support you’re entitled to. Otherwise, he can fuck off.
“…you have no way of knowing how true friends treat each other.”
^this. I thought to mention this, but went a different direction. Frame of reference is important in selecting judgment criteria for pretty much anything, and if you’re used to abuse, you might not realize just how far out of line it really is. And it is. I mean, a little anger, a little raised voice, a little display of frustration occasionally, shouldn’t be a big deal… but when someone “goes full retard” on making you feel as bad as possible, you’ve got to draw the line; Behind them.
I also agree with the rest of that comment.
And I agree with clevername.
I meant “throw,” not “through.”
Throw you, not through you!
You can leave him and have/raise your daughter on your own. You need to believe in yourself! This man is shattering your self confidence and self esteem. I can tell you that I really understand. I became pregnant shortly after sleeping with my first boyfriend, who I thought I loved at the time tho I now see how abusive he was. In any case, he also told me to have an abortion and that he did not want to be a father, etc. I refused. I had my daughter and tho I was young, both in years but even more so mentally, I still managed quite fine. We had lots of tough times for sure and no financial, emotional or parental support from her “dad” everything turned out fine.
My daughter is now 20 years old! She’s in college, working and doing pretty well. She tells me that she is happy that we don’t have a huge age difference and that even her friends envy her for having a mom that she can be closer to. We have had many, many fights over the years and I have done SO many things wrong while raising her, which depresses me to no end, but still I am so thankful for my beautiful daughter. The best part of my life. I’m terribly depressed and I feel a tremendous amount of guilt for not having been a mature, patient mother as she deserved, but I’m also glad that I was young enough to really have some fun with her. We used to play together at the park, I’d organize games of tag or hide and seek with the other kids there who’s parents were just sitting on the bench, we’d play lots of pranks on each other… I’m just trying to show you that while it will definitely be difficult, it will also be amazing.
You want to be a mother to your daughter and you most definitely can be. It will possibly be the best decision you ever made. And you will have a friend for life, not only a daughter! Please don’t let this abusive jerk make you question your ability to be a fantastic mother! If you want to talk, I would be happy to be there for you and support you through this. Just let me know. I have free long distance as well, if you’re in North America. If not, well email works too.