When I talk about “Disease, I don’t mean mental. I just turned 32 years old. Back in May I was diagnosed with stage 3b cervical cancer which has a very poor prognosis. I get my PET scan results this month. If the cancer has spread or comes back, I’ll be terminal, so I either have a choice to prolong my life with drugs until I ultimately pass, or take my own life. My family and friends support my decision to take my life if things do not look good.
I do not want to die. I want to live. My life has been very hard and filled with tragedy, and even a suicide attempt in my teens. I chose to turn my life into something beautiful, I’ve faced adversity and dealt with the loss of many loved one,s. When my life started to look bleak, I chose to pack up all of my belongings after living in Philadelphia for 14 years, and move to Florida to start my life over again, give myself a chance to start over. In a beautiful place by the sea. And now I have been slapped with this, despite the fac that I fought so hard to give myself a good life.
I believe in life after death. I also did not let my life pass me by, I’ve done amazing things and still, deep in my heart I want to do more. But I may not have a choice. And if I don’t I will kill this cancer before it kills me. I do not want this. But I do not want to suffer.
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I can’t directly relate, but my mother passed away after 3 years of battling cancer. It was very hard for my family and for her.
I can understand your wishes. My father tried hard to keep my mother alive. Putting her in the best hospitals and giving her the best treatment to prolong her life. I don’t know whether she wanted it or not, because he never told me.
Needless to say, he spend his entire retirement and savings to keep her alive, but in the end she didn’t make it. He was fired from his job a few months later and got a new job but half the salary. Our family was deeply in debt because of her medical bills.
Now, many years later, my father is still broke and had to move twice to a cheaper house. He has no retirement money, but he is very old. Despite that, he keeps working. However, he often asks me to send him money to keep him afloat.
I can understand your feelings of not wanting the disease to kill you and about suffering. I know my mother had a lot of pain and was very uncomfortable in her final days. Plus…she must have been worried about the medical bills.
On the other hand, it must have made her happy to see how many people came to see her in the hospital and sent her cards. Her room was filled with cards, balloons, and other homemade crafts. I think she was happy to see how many people cared about her.
And I think she was happy to see her family stuck by her side until the end.
It’s comforting to have support from my closest family members and friends in my decision, if things look bad. I don’t want anyone burdened by watching me waste away. This is not something that I want at all. Life is beautiful, and when your choice gets taken away, it gives a whole new perspective.
Yes, you are very fortunate to have that support. Also, it seems that doctors these days have a bit more authority to assist terminally ill patients exit.
Sounds like you have done things right. Really tried at life. I think that some of us get dealt a shitty hand. When I look around and see bad people rewarded for their horrible behavior, I can’t muster the slightest belief in a god or just Universe. …Comforting people with a terminal illness is hard. All those pat answers like “Live your life (what’s left) to the fullest now” are unsatisfying. Sure, people might mean well. But, IMO, the only correct response is: “That sucks.” I’m sorry that you have drawn the short stick. Doesn’t seem fair at all. I hope that whatever choice you make, you get to leave this life with dignity. And, kick butt in the next one!
I have real life friends all over the world, I’m considered beautiful, popular, driven, I’ve inspired people and always try to find the silver lining and get people to look outside of the box and laugh, I make a decent living and I wanted to make things even better, and I get slapped with this. Sadly in this event, if things are bad and I choose to take my own life, it won’t be selfish, or something that I can just power through and tough out like everything else I have in life. My choice is probably going to be taken from me, no matter how hard I tried.
Stage 3 is the final stage, correct? I have an aunt who’s a year older than you, was diagnosed in September last year with stage 3 breast cancer and it is now terminal. It spread from her chest to her lungs and liver. Herceptim was one of the drugs she used and she believes it did prolong her life, but with the recent revelation that the tumour is fighting back… She doesn’t really know anymore.
I hope for the very best outcome for you, in that it has not spread. But whatever the weather may be — a beautiful soul like you deserves peace and not the pain of living with cancer. If my aunt is anyone to go by, it must be excruciating and I would never wish such a thing on another person.
I’ll keep you in my thoughts and I’m sending good vibes to you from all the down in New Zealand. All the best to you.
Your post is very touching and truly, I wish you a cure for this. I hope you can conquer it and live a good life. I will pray for you.
Stage 4 is the final stage. Stage 3 is still considered curable, but rarely. It’s sad because I don’t want to go but I don’t want to suffer.
google “amygdalin” and “gerson therapy”. Combine them and it will go away. Stay away from the doctors – they make money only if you are ill.