https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f2BCI4twcXg
I am the ugly duckling. I seem to always be the odd one out. My mother never seems to approve of the friends I do make and what ever choices I do make are “Stupid” and not “Rational” because I am a teenager. I think that it is okay to make the decisions that I learn lessons from. I am safe and I don’t make the decisions that are unsafe. (most of the time) I seem to be a “good girl” because I don’t do drugs or drink or what ever people define as a “teen at risk”. I don’t judge people I try to be as open as I can. I don’t think that I am too bad to be honest. Teachers and adults say they would be my friend if I was a teen. Teens at school couldn’t give to fucks. People always seem to look the other way when I am around. That they do not need to be around. I am nothing. I usually have no one to sit with at lunch or be in a social group for a project in class, but that’s not what hurts the most. Being alone is what hurts the most. I am always the one who has to suck it up while others get more than enough help. I am always the last of the picking. I seem to be the one that everyone thinks is okay. The one who is doing good and is doing whats right. Looking okay for others or being gone and having it to late? Should I tell someone who only cares about there legal stand point or not wanting to be responsible for my death and being sent away until I am 18? I want people to support me and not think its a crisis that requires a huge deal. I want to know that someone knows I am hurting, that I have a breaking point like everyone else. I try to be normal the best I can but that doesn’t seem to be good enough. Well I have to go and please someone else so I do not get my ass kicked out of the house for being “rude” I want to make myself happy not someone else. I am not trying to be selfish but yes I would like to make myself happy for once and not have to put someone else first but I guess that is life. Do I have to grow up some more? can I actually act like my age and not someone twice my age!