Hi, I’m a filthy, retarded, creepy, transgender (male-to-female) emo noob and I deserve your contempt, whether I feel I deserve it or not is completely irrelevant -_-
I’m not the only one that wakes up every morning and is quickly, and brutally, hit with the feeling that their life is not, and never will be, something they can be proud of.
It gets better, everyone around me seems to genuinely believe that living a life I can be proud of is an abomination, an affront to their ‘decency’ and ‘taste’, no one has faith in me, because no one wants me to BE me, no one needs me, which sucks because I need them, not just as support, but as someone to love and who loves me unconditionally.
Yes, I know, incredibly selfish, here’s another kid that wants the world without any pain or work, not true, I’d love nothing more to work, and hurt, for what I love, what I need, the problem is my life is not my own, neither is my body, neither is my future.
Everyone in my life wants me to be something for them, none of them will be anything for me.
All work and no play makes me a dull girl, that’s what they’re hoping for, a lesson to whoever reads this: never underestimate the power of others over you, you can not care what others think all you want, you still can’t do everything alone, I’m finding that out the hard way.
This isn’t living, this isn’t something to be proud of, this isn’t something good, I can’t fight it, because my parents will kick me out and I’ve nowhere to stay and I’ve not got the money to support myself, I have no one who can help me, I have no true friends, I’m alone.
I’m an abomination, the entire world can go on, completely unchanged, if I jumped in front of a train, and then I daresay they’d probably still run that train over my corpse to make the next station, like I said, completely unchanged.
Fuck, my mother had nine months and she still couldn’t put me together right, that’s says a lot about my luck and my life 😛
I probably should have been aborted, not just because I’m a whiny ***** and nobody loves me, but because when I come out/kill myself/go insane, everyone close to me will suffer no matter what I do.
Just a friendly reminder that there is no hope, no matter how we all kid ourselves 🙂
I might post again soon if I’m not in hell 😀
4 comments
No no no no no. Be proud of who you are because there’s no shame in being you. Fuck everyone else. You’re great. Don’t even argue because I’m a stubborn little shit.
Seriously though. I hope things start looking up for you. Don’t go to hell yet.
Fuck that. You have a fighting chance but you gotta fight to get it.
FIght for your right to be who you are and screw what others say.
You need support. Go to this TG site and look at the resources to find other like minds who are getting through the same shit you are experiencing. To know you are not alone and there is a world out there that is ready to help you is a huge lifeline but you HAVE to do it proactively. I mean – read the link – look into it and don’t make excuses.
There aint nothing wrong with you. I live in a historic anal community and the leaps and bounds that are moving into our area for LGBT is positive. Something I thought would never be embraced here.
Your mom did not do anything wrong in creating you in those 9 mos. You are fine and will be fine but you have to give this a chance.
https://community.pflag.org/transgender
Thank you.
PS my best friend is TG M>F and we do all kinds of fun shit together. I show her how to do nails and shopping for clothes and she has been segueing into work and life as a F now. It took courage and she was so excited to find another person who loves her and wants to be her friend. You can, too.