Hello to whoever is reading this,
Two years ago I posted a suicide note on this website with the sincere belief that I would be dead within a week of posting it. But, I guess things don’t always go as planned. The day I planned on doing it, I realized that I couldn’t do it. Whether it was me being too weak, too scared or just too depressed to even follow through with my last plan, I just didn’t end up dead.
I don’t know what stopped me, but I am thankful for it. 2 years later, my life has turned around.
Now don’t get me wrong, I still have certain periods of time in which I sit on my bedroom floor crying as I have a panic attack, and I do have weeks where I feel depressed for no reason. The difference is, I have finally found a group of people who truly cared for me. I have a good group of friends, those who actually listen and understand. I can call them when I need a person to hear my problems. I am also in love, and the man I love loves me as well. This was a thing that I never in a million years expected.
2 years ago, all I ever wanted for my future was to be happy, and when I believed that this dream would never truly occurred, I began to wish that I was dead. But here I am, still alive, and I am finally happy.
I don’t know who is reading this, or what they are going through, but I want you to know this:
THINGS GET BETTER
I would have never bought into this phrase when I was suicidal, but things truly can turn around. There will still be tough moments- REALLY tough moments- but you can turn it around.
17 comments
Congrats on hanging on and doing better. Like you said it can be done in some cases (not in all sadly), and it’s always good to see someone that shares their story, i hope that things keep getting better for you.
Thank you 🙂 And yes, unfortunately there are many people who aren’t as lucky as I am. I just wanted to post my story, because there are so many people out there who believe that nothing will ever get better if they have depression (I used to be one of those people.) I wanted to try and be a little ray of hope to others that things can get better.
It’s good to hear that. But if they betray you?
If they betray her? There will be others, she will somehow keep moving forward
I can’t make new friends, because now I distrust everyone. When you love your friends, and you are betrayed, or not loved, you are hurted, and it’s as if you was saying “your friend is dead, move on, get another one”. Because something is dead in you everytime you trust people, and realize you are not loved by them the way you love them. You think: next time, I won’t give my heart like this. I had been too dumb.
I’don’t like you to try again because I really wanna befriend you. You seem like a very nice person.
This might sound stupid, but don’t trusting people is actually kinda usable in order to make real friends. Since you don’t trust people, you are actually more careful when meeting people, and can avoid a lot of bad situations. Not that it’s easily done, but it can be done… and well, the old saying is also true “not all people are the same” and all of that (i like to think that it should be “not all people behave the same all the time” tho, lol).
I don’t know if I’m a nice person, I used to think that about myself, but nobody seems to think I have positive features in my personnality.
So… wanna give it a try? I too happen to have a low self-esteem. So yeah… I think I will be able of understanding you.
I’m sure you are able to understand me, and same me with you.
I tried to make a google group, but I don’t think they will let me post the link here.
I’m upset because I read a very sad story on this forum, and the person is dead now. I feel physically ill because of that.
I’ve come to accept the fact that someday my friends may betray me, just like my old ones have. I always have had a hard time in trusting others, but there is something relieving about finally trusting a person. I have lost friends since I have gotten better with my depression, and because of it, I did have an extended time where I felt especially depressed. I wondered why I am letting myself trust in people that can help me just as easily as they can hurt me. I don’t know in another 2 years where I will be, but at the current moment, I have found happiness. Trusting people takes a lot of time, and you need to make sure you trust the right people, but when you finally trust the right person, it’s very relieving. When I finally decided I had nothing to lose with trusting these people, it felt like a weight lifted from my body. Yes, some of my friends will betray me, but I hope that the remaining ones will stand by my side and let me cry on their shoulders.
That’s another heartbreaking thing about being mentally ill – friends you though where like family become strangers, leaving you even more lonely and depressed. I relate a lot more to depressed and lonely people than i do happy and bubbly folk. When I had my complete nervous breakdown, all my friends scattered.
Unfortunately, it happens a lot to people who are mentally ill (at least to those that I have talked to.) I think it is easier to relate to people who are/were depressed, because they understand it and don’t try to just brush your problems off as if they are no big deal. To be honest, I hated every minute of the first months after I ended up not killing myself. I was surrounded by people who were happy and cheery ALL THE TIME. Meanwhile, I would be happy some days and the next I would break down in tears by the slightest thing. Most people who haven’t truly been near depression just don’t get it, and in my case many people left after I became more and more depressed. I’ve been fortunate to find a mix of people that have been through depression and those who have no history of it. But they all understand that certain days I may be sad for no reason at all. I guess it is all about finding the right people to surround yourself with, which takes a lot of time, but it helps when times get lonely and sad.
Sorry you had to go though that hell. Mentally illness is like a personal death. You lose yourself. Than when people leave you, it’s a social death. I remember back then crying so hard at nights because my “friends” would no longer answer my calls. It was horrible. I needed that connection so bad.
Yeah… that can be very hard to deal with. I guess medics could relate with us somehow as they to end dealing with death-life situations many times.
Still I’don’t like to exchange e-mails with you. Mine is Yutasogare@gmail.com.
I’d like*