I’ve been looking for ways to numb myself. I get absolutely nowhere. It’s not fair, I just wanna be numb. I don’t wanna make an effort to even feel better anymore. I just wanna stop feeling emotion.
I hate being brokenhearted over my ex. I hate being stressed about going off to college. I hate that painful lump in my throat I get from crying. I hate the cold sweat I break into when I’m anxious. I hate the fire that burns in my heart. I want to be dormant and freeze my heart up for good.
I want to die, but I fear the afterlife. My best bet is to stop feeling anything altogether.
Today is the day I’m going to stop feeling. After submitting this entry, I am going to wipe my eyes, stiffen my lips, and turn off the sad music. My emotions are going to die today, not me.
3 comments
I get you… I think emotions are futile. Emotions are but a weakness of us humans… Having emotions to feel the happiness, sadness, sorrow, despair. Im enough. No matter how happy i once is, sadness will be next. I mean, what does this world have!? It is only two words that cover everything up, Good or Bad. After good, things will go bad. After going through hell, we get to enjoy only that tiny little bit. I no longer feel happy or sad. My families kept talking to me like “please talk to us if theres anything, we will help you. “Then until one day i talk to them, they DARE TO SAY :”you just dont know how to manage your emotions “im sick of emotions. I dont even care if i cant manage it. Theres no emotions for me to control, anyway.
Good idea, i like sad songs, Why? because they make me sad! i like to feel sadness now and then, i also like happy songs Why? because they make me happy! i like to feel happy now and then, you get my point, in other words it’s very true you are what you think about, nothing wrong with that unless you only think about one thing over and over, we need to change the channel in our heads to balance out.
You’re a woman. You’ll be fine. Women always are. You’ll figure out you’re happier single, you’ll work hard in college and get good grades, or you’ll meet some guy who can provide for you regardless of how well you do in the labor market.
Try being a dude. You’re fucked unless you can compete.