I’ve been doing pretty good with handling my emotions lately, that was until yesterday. I could feel the depression slowly start to smother me again in it’s natural repetitious state. I managed to get through work with only one break down. I work with a bunch of men (being one myself) so I’m always having to mask my emotions and depression at work. Sometimes it’s easy, and other times it’s really hard to do. I mask my depression and emotions at work because I don’t think they would understand, and I don’t want people to either feel sorry for me, think of me differently and […]
”Does it make you sad to know that life is more than who we are?” – GGD
The answer to that, yes. Not because I think my life holds anymore value than the next. We are here as a vapor. We are nothing but a wave in the vast seas. So many waves have already come, and so many more will replace ours. In 1-200 years we probably won’t even be a distant memory. We won’t matter. What’s sadder is knowing I don’t matter now, in the presence. If I did, surely those around me would realize my struggle to find any form of hope in […]
I gave myself a year to see if I could turn things around. I mean I’ve tried new things and experienced more, but none of that really made a difference. I’m still the same hallow shell I was before.
It’s like re-arranging the deck chairs on the Titanic. You can move them around all you want, but the ships still going under. I haven’t gone under yet, but I can feel the chill in the air from the icy waters I’m soon to plunge into.
Life will swallow me whole as I sink into the depths of darkness. And despite the year not being over yet, I’m […]
I wish I had the courage to do something like this. Maybe without the costumes. Just open my arms up and see who would take a free hug. What do you guys think about the video. Would you have still hugged him. I would have. Costume or not. This is my wish for all of you tonight. All of you who are hurting, lonely, sad, depressed, feeling suicidal. Hanging on by a very thin thread. Hugs from me to you. I hope and pray you’ll make it through the night. Don’t give up. Don’t give in. Good night SP. =)
So today I buried the man who was the closest thing to an actual father I had, and at the funeral my asshole of a stepfather who wasn’t half the man my uncle was, had the nerve to come talk to me about what I should or shouldn’t do with my uncles estate. It took every ounce of restraint not to knock his ass on the ground and pulverize him. Afterwards he begins to walk around and talk to people about his work. News flash, it’s a funeral. No one gives a shit about what you have to talk about. People are mourning the loss […]
I’ve lost yet another person who meant a lot to me. One of the few people who truly encouraged, inspired and believed in me. His funeral is tomorrow, and I don’t know if I can deal with it. He was a close family member, and our bound was something I took pride in. He became paralyzed at 19 through a swimming accident. He’s been quadriplegic ever since I can remember. I never saw him through his disability/handicap. I saw him for the person he was. From a really young age I started taking care of him when he needed help. He came to be someone […]
I’ve vaguely researched the effects of depression on the body. Most of it is things I know just from being depressed for so long. Like when you’re depressed, you have body aches, fatigue and so forth. I’m wondering if that could be the cause of my migraines. It’s more than that though. I feel like my body is shutting down. I wonder just how much the mind communicates with the body. Obviously there’s a link, but I think it’s a lot more than what I’ve read or learned over the years. I don’t think they understand the full impact depression and anxiety have on the […]
So I’ve watched the movie 7 Pounds a few times. If you haven’t seen it, you should. If you like Will Smith that is. I’ve always wanted to make an impact on humanity. Or at least leave something of a mark, even if it’s not something people will remember a 100 years from now. If I could simply give someone else life through my death, I could end on that note. So I’ve researched the Box Jellyfish. It’s the deadliest Jellyfish, if not the deadliest creature in the sea. It’s venom is considered among the most deadly. So as the movie goes, Will Smith commits […]
Listen if you’re still in school, it’s fair to say you’re going to have your fair share of heart ache and heart breaks. Your boyfriend or girlfriend who left you is not worth your life though. Just trust me. You’re young and will probably have several loves when you’re a teenager or young adult. It’s just part of being young, innocent and maybe a touch immature. And I don’t mean that in a bad way. The break up will feel like the worst thing you’ve ever felt before. You’ll feel like there will never be another person who you will love, or who will love […]
Living in tornado valley, there’s always the calm before the storm. You can try to predict it, and hide from it. You can try and move, but eventually it finds you. You can try to stay where you are, and prepare for it. Sometimes that works, and other times it’s as if it was for nothing. Stand up and swear at it, dare it to come at you head on. Dare it to swallow you whole. Does any of it even matter or make a difference. The people not in the storm front, will never understand what it’s like. So it’s futile to even try […]
Hey everyone,
I’m not exactly new to SP, only because I’ve been a viewer for a while. You may have seen my shadow on your posts, that was me stalking you. haha. Anyways I’ve been replying to some of you guys, but I figure it’s time I formally introduce myself. So here I am. I feel like I can relate to a lot of you guys/gals. I have been through the ringer. There’s really not much I haven’t been through. So part of the reason why I’m here is you guys help remind me I’m not alone. And I want to be there and help others […]
Besides sleep, gaming is my really only other means of escape. So what do you use to escape your own reality. And I know it’s a sad means of escaping, but honestly I don’t hardly have the energy for much else.
I love all kinds of music. However there’s few songs that grab hold and this is one. I could die listening to this. Â (Not that I am, just saying)
So what would your last song be?
I wrote this a long time ago, in my teens when I was first coming to terms with my depression and feeling suicidal. This was one of the many many poems I wrote going through a really bad time. Thought some of you might relate or have at some point.
I can’t bare to go on much longer
These suicidal feelings continue to grow stronger
The only escape is in my sleep
I’ve dug this whole and now I’m in to deep
Don’t act like you know how I feel
For you see this life of mine is surreal
Still praying you hear my desolate […]
Since when did life become working 5 or 6 days a week. Sitting in traffic an hour each way mind you. Despite living less than 15 minutes away from work, it takes a miracle to get home in under an hour most days. All that just to barely make a descent income, to support myself, pay bills, and whatever is left that the government doesn’t take from me I save some and spend the rest on gas and groceries. It’s like an endless cycle. There’s no denying I’m depressed and in need of serious help. And I’m not talking about the help that comes in […]
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