Author

Amme in chaos

I know I’m horrible

by Amme in chaos 8/9/2016

written by Amme in chaos

I’m sorry for not being a good child, for not being good at a lot of things, for not being a good friend, for being too dumb, for not having any cool or helpful talents, for not being pretty enough, for complaining, for hating you.

I’m still trapped in my head, I still want to end it EVERY SINGLE DAY, I’m still a mess in my head and I don’t want you to feel like you have to do all this for me. I don’t deserve it. I’m gonna be useless anyway. I’m already a piece of shit now, so what’s gonna change? I even hate […]

8/9/2016 1 comment

It’s too much

by Amme in chaos 5/19/2016

written by Amme in chaos

It’s just too much and I just feel sorry for myself and I want it all to end. I want to see the sun shine again. It’s been so long since I sincerely smiled. It’s been way too damn long since I felt things I could understand, since I was genuinely happy. I don’t want to be who I am. I want these thoughts to stop. They’re just too loud. I miss the times when I was actually confident and didn’t hate myself so much, the times I wasn’t so body conscious, the times I didn’t criticize every single thing I do, the times I […]

5/19/2016 3 comments

Why I have trust issues

by Amme in chaos 5/6/2016

written by Amme in chaos

I don’t know why I keep trusting people. I just feel like people don’t care. I told a ‘friend’ of mine what was going on with me and he was going through the same thing and I thought that this time its gonna be different. I didn’t even feel awkward or angry about people invading my private and emotional side. I really don’t know why I expected something different this time. No one really cares and I think he’s just like the rest of the people. Just hangs around you when he wants and leaves you hanging when you thought you were friends.

I was smart […]

5/6/2016 3 comments

I don’t know what this is

by Amme in chaos 4/16/2016

written by Amme in chaos

I don’t hate you, I promise. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I just don’t know why I keep pushing you away maybe you’re just too nice. It’s been so long since I’ve had real emotions and you brought that out and now I’m scared. My dark thoughts visit me while I’m lying in bed, hoping I don’t wake up the next morning but for a while now it’s thoughts about you that whisper in my ear before I sleep. I know how much I hurt you this past week and you probably hate me. I don’t even blame you. I’m not even sure […]

4/16/2016 2 comments

Why all the lies?

by Amme in chaos 4/14/2016

written by Amme in chaos

I absolutely hate it when people say that they will understand you no matter what maybe its your parents who tell you that they will understand you more than anyone else will. They’re liars. They will blame everything on you just being a child, “it’s just your teenage angst” or “its just your hormones”. People who I’ve opened up to will always tell me to go talk to my parents but I am damn sure that it won’t help anything. It will just make things worse and I’ll just feel like more of a burden to them. I hate it the most when I’m told […]

4/14/2016 3 comments

Is it just angst?

by Amme in chaos 3/21/2016

written by Amme in chaos

I get these overwhelmingly strong feelings of hopelessness and worthlessness and anxiety and frustration with myself. It’s been like this now for the past year. I tried to hide all of it from people for quite a while but one day I got a panic attack in class and that’s when my friends found out that my smiles had been fake all this time. I try to drop some hints to my mum that I feel “down” or “I just want to end it all” but she thinks its all just teenage angst or just hormones at this age.

Is it really just angst if I […]

3/21/2016 3 comments