You know that girl in class that is really outgoing and sarcastic once you get to know her… the one that the teachers all love for bringing personality to the classroom. The girl teachers and other students constantly say “Oh and that is why i love you…” because of something she says. The girl that was born bright and likes understanding things. The girl that, in 4th grade, was asked to grade papers all the time because she finished all her work and had nothing to do. The girl that smiles all the time and loves making others smile and laugh. The girl that walks around after […]
The tiniest things can make people happy… so I decided to make a list of some of the things that make me happy. The list could go on forever, but I have school tomorrow and don’t have time for that 🙂
Things that make me happy:
-Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Bubbles in pizza crust
-Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Making others smile
-Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Baking
-Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Loose Pants
-Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Running in the rain
-Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â The smell and feel of clean sheets
-         Listening to the “I love you†of people on the phone with their parents or spouse.
-Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Running into the exact person you needed to see, just because they remind you not to give up.
-Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â The feeling of the sun […]
So a guy added me as a friend on facebook tonight. I didn’t really know him, but we had mutual friends so I accepted. He then messaged me and we started talking. This happens a lot to me and I always feel bad ignoring them. I just like making others happy, so I try my hardest to be nice. This particular guy, very attractive, he’s 21. I’m only 16. I know the type of guys that do this, desperate, just want to bang. I’m an extremely good girl though. I am in honors classes, I play sports, I don’t drink, I don’t do drugs, I […]
I want to die. I don’t understand why, but I am getting so close. I am only 16 year old… but in the past year I have completely fell apart mentally. Starving, vomiting, cutting. Flashbacks, tears, pain. I’m so tired of it. I am in counseling but I don’t want to open up. I can’t open up. I’ve really tried, but it’s so painful. My parents didn’t care until they were forced to. I don’t talk at home. The last few months I have been trying to hold on for everyone who loves me. I am trying, trying so hard to focus on that. No […]
I walked outside today and realized it was warm enough to not need a jacket. As the sun shone down on me I fought back tears, the change of season would mark the one year anniversary of my downfall. It would remind me of how long it has been and how deep I have gotten myself into this. I never knew it would go on for a year, I thought everything would be fine by now. One year ago if you were to have looked me in the eye and explained how I would starve myself, then force myself to vomit every single day, multiple […]
Fact: There are three emotional things every person needs…
1.) To be loved.
2.) To love.
3.) Something to look forward to.
Today I realized that I can’t kill myself. I can’t kill myself because there are people who actually need me. There are people who actually appreciate me and my presence. There are people who love me more than I love myself and I there are people I would do anything for. If I died, it would affect so many people. Think about yourself, think about the people you care about and the people that care about you. I know someone loves whoever is reading this, multiple people […]
Dear Daddy,
When I was a little girl I always looked up to you. You protected our family like no other. I will admit, I have always been frightened by you. Sometimes when you get mad, it’s really scary. When we went through everything with Taylor, that was hard. It was really hard on me and no one realized it. Do you even remember how you kept dragging me into your argument the night she was kicked out? That night has scarred me for life. You know what Daddy, in the past year I have done bad things. I have done things I regret. I wish […]
I’ve fought everyone for so long. No I don’t need help. No i don’t need help. I’m fine. I can only fight for so long. I think it is time to give in. I told my friends. My friends told our teacher. My teacher told the counselor at school. The counselor at school told my parents. Together everyone decided I needed to see a therapist, so my appointment was set. It made me so mad, that they were controlling it. I wanted to be the one to decide I need help. So I went to the appointment, I refused to talk. Obviously it got me […]
Do you ever smile, just because you want to brighten someone else’s day? I do. I smile at random people at the grocery store. I smile at people in the halls at school. I smile at people I don’t even know all the time. And you know what, smiles are contagious. 99% of the time, the random person I’m smiling at smiles back. I try to smile at everyone, because I never know what battle they are facing. You never know who desperately needs reassurance, and a smile gives a person that. One smile. One smile has so much power. It can make a person’s […]
Today one of my best friends looked at me, “Sierra, I know you starve.. I know you hurt. People are going to make you better though. aren’t you scared you are damaging your body?? Aren’t you afraid you are killing yourself???” I just looked at her… she paused and then started talking again “at least i HOPE you don’t want to die… if you do, it would be news to me..” I gave her a reassuring smile… but I wanted to burst into tears. The one thing I have never, will never, admit to anyone, is how badly i wish to die. She doesn’t know […]
I can’t do this anymore. I don’t trust adults, the place I’m most scared of is home, and I’m tired of fighting to hold on to everything I’ve ever known. I’m forced to talk to the counselor at school, since I don’t eat  I am required to go to checkups. Last Thursday I stopped lying to her and opened up.. everyone told me it would feel better. it didn’t. she told me I had the choice to either tell my parents i needed to be placed in counseling or she would call them and tell them herself. (i do not talk to my parents although […]
So I joined this website yesterday, as I lied in bed sobbing, wanting to disappear so badly. I wrote my first post, and what I wrote actually surprised myself. Before I posted I read a few other peoples… I wanted so badly to give each and every person posting a hug. I wanted to tell them they were loved and to make them choose to keep their lives… so I wrote about holding onto mine. The comments I got back, each and every one touched my heart. You guys inspired me to want to keep going, and to keep smiling along the way. Like I […]
I’m 16. I have lots of friends, I play multiple sports, I have a big family. A guy is talking to me right now that really wants to date, one of my favorite things to do is brighten other people’s days. But I’m falling apart. At home I am emotionally neglected. I no longer speak at home. I starve myself. Sometimes I make myself throw up. Sometimes I cut. The last 5 years I have watched my family crumble. Recently the counselor at school talked to me. She knows what I do, my friends told her. She, along with my mom, have forced me into […]
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