You’re sitting next to me. Were about able to start talking. I’ve missed you. I hugged you when we got out of the car. We clung on to each other tightly. Your heart beat was strong like the night at Rock Fest.
With love,
Brianna.
You finally messaged me back after a year of avoiding me. I’ve contacted you contless times in the last year’s span. To never hear back from you until now. I’m reading your message and I’m happy for you. I want to know about everything you’ve endoured. How you became the person you are now. What it took. Im glad that I got you there. I’m glad that I affected your life that positively. I’m happy for you Jordan. I’m happy that you replied back this time after so long. We are like each others drug. Relapsing in time.
Sincerely,
Brianna.
Dear Jordan,
I thought about you again today. I talked about you. It was quite a mess. I couldn’t gather up the words to say. There is just too much to share.
Good times and bad, you were always there. As I was for you. Memories we shared I will forever cherish. Our connection, our ups, and downs. What we’ve been through, what I put you through, what you went through, and those the same for me.
My most precious memory of us together was the night at Rock Fest. The only band we came to see was HURT and Blue October. I remember when you got to […]
Make me feel like I’m the only girl in the world. I want to feel wanted. I want to feel something other than this dread right now before I start to tear myself apart from the inside out. I’m begging please on my knees. I’m not in a safe place with my head. That part of me is starting to cover me like a cloak. Soon there will be nothing left again. I’m not ok. I keep on spiraling. All these memories of happiness flooded my brain and all at once turned depressive and negative. I’m eating myself alive.
If a miracle happens before a years span and I’m magically stable and no longer suicidal. I plan on adopting him.
I have an offical place to live, I should be moving in soon. I’m staying the night here tonight to help clean for easter tomorrow. My best friend of 22 years bought a house with her boyfriend and they are letting me move in.
I was happier. Slowly depleating. Memories of the good times. A video I made.
I can’t keep up with this anymore. So much chaos, I feel like I can’t breathe. I bit off more than I can chew, and it’s breaking my jaw. The joints about to hang from nothing but tissue. Like a loosened door hinge. I can’t take it. I can’t keep up. I’m trying so damned hard to be the person everyone wants. Everyone needs. But I can’t. I need to try to get myself better. It may seem like these past few days have been ok, but they are not. I’m not fucking ok, o.k.?I haven’t recovered magically, this tragedy I am stuck in has […]
Here is your drawing request.
It’s my first day at my new job today. I curled my hair.
The last song I listened to was this. It’s pretty beautiful. I wish I had a piano. If I had a piano I would be happy.
I listen to a playlist on spotify, called 88 keys.
Of a lenghty e-mail reply. And the Wi-Fi connection to the lap top here decided to shit out. I’ve spent 3 hours trying to type. I’m unable to reset the internet until everyone is done using it. It’s just the lap top is having troubles troubleshooting.
I haven’t showered today. I ate however. Enjoying a beer, listening to clasical piano. My mother has been screaming and yelling all night. I told her something simple and she bit my head off pretty much. And has continued to bite my head of. Jesus woman calm down before I bite your head off. I would have so much to […]
Let’s make this a monthly thing, anyone can start it.
Once a month, near the end of the month, let’s have “Tea time”.
Tea time is grabbing a cup of tea, coffee, water, soda, alcohol, simpily something to drink. (If you have nothing, that’s ok you don’t have to).
The rules will apply:
1) No hate.
2) No methods.
3) No partners (the same basic rules of SP).
4) No random blurts (you can have fun but be considerate).
5) No judgements.
6) Let each other express themselves freely.
7) Relax and share something about yourself.
This is a chance to talk in a group or one on one with someone. Discussions will follow with;
Suicide (doesn’t […]
I’m losing it. I’m breaking. I can’t sleep. The moments I do pass out I find myself suddenly awake. Like when you have a nightmare. Or hear a loud noise. I need to find somewhere else to go. I need to leave this place. I can’t go on like this. I want to die. I want it to end. As if being trapped in my head was bad enough. I’m reliving this nightmare. And I just want to dream.
I can’t fucking sleep. I haven’t been able to sleep for 3 days now and im about ready to freak the fuck out. My body feels weird in a horrid way. I just want to blow my head off, or his. I hate this fucking place. I need to leave. Tonight I’m wearing 5 layers of clothes. Under 6 blankets. He’s fucking here and I want to fucking kill him. You have no fucking idea how didficult it is pretending everything is normal. Everything is fucking peachy mom! Don’t worry about me! I’m fucking fine!
I live for sweets. It’s one joy in my life out of few. I don’t care if it’s bad for my teeth. I’d rather endulge in sweets throughout my life. I’m eating frozen moose tracks yogurt. My breath already smells funny. The yogurt is old, I’m not sure how old, but it has a little freezer burn. But I don’t care.
It’s cold tonight. It’s storming, raining and hailing. I eat ice cream and sich when it’s cold or nights like this. Isn’t that weird I hate ice cream in the summer. It melts so fast.
Besides this, I’m waiting to hear from a friend. He is […]
I’ve been finally realizing how old they are becoming. Their health and minds are slowly depleating. I remember growing up with them. Spending time with them. Helping them so much. Today everyone was in a hurry to see a movie and rushing them. They both dont walk fast anymore. And Grandpa has nerve damage in his right arm. So he is unable to move it. No one asked if they needed help, just rushing them. They get so confused easily on top of that. Me on the other hand I waited for them. I stood by them as they got ready to get up and […]
Look! You will appreciate this.
You managed to wake me up at 6:00 a.m. Because you couldn’t sleep and couldn’t find pills. I was in a dead sleep which is rare for me to come by in this house. Now I can’t fall asleep again. I’m wide awake and afraid to sleep. I even got out of bed to help you find the pills. I was so drowsy that I forgot where I put them. You found them in your room after running around the house looking. I was asleep. You could have let me sleep. I even got up and put on another layer of clothes. I hate sleeping […]
I’m thankful I have a place to sleep. It may not be a bed but it’s better than on mud and grass. I may not want to be here. But it’s better I guess. Even if this place is horrible for my sanity and mental stability. I’m just waiting for the PTSD to kick in. If he comes near me I’ll just rip his throat open. I’m glad he is gone during the night hours and asleep during the day. I don’t have to see him. But that doesn’t change the past. That doesn’t change what it did to me and continues to do. I’m […]