I’m losing it. I’m breaking. I can’t sleep. The moments I do pass out I find myself suddenly awake. Like when you have a nightmare. Or hear a loud noise. I need to find somewhere else to go. I need to leave this place. I can’t go on like this. I want to die. I want it to end. As if being trapped in my head was bad enough. I’m reliving this nightmare. And I just want to dream.
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Trust your instincts beaubri.
Feeeeel the Force.
Star wars.
My instincts are so jumbled. I should be playing scrabble with my instincts.
For now I am going through what I have possession wise. Sorting clean clothes from dirty. Doing laundry. Putting my stuff where mother wants it. I will be doing dishes for her and cleaning up the house. I dont want to at all, but I am. It’s weird im like a slave it feels. I do what ever I’m told. I’m down on my knees for her. When I should be on my feet for myself. I just want to scream.
Sorry to hear you can’t sleep I got sleep problems to
Drowning; what’s got you unable to sleep?
What has you at that house again?
Whiskered-fish; it’s the only place I managed to have a roof over my head. I convinced her to let me stay here. And I regret it. I have no where else to go honestly. No one really wants me around. She barely does to begin with.
Oh. That’s rough. 🙁 You seem to be really triggered by this place. And I already know some of the reasons why, but I’m not quite clear on all of them.
Whiskered-fish; you would be here for hours if I began to unlock the depest depth of my mind and trauma.
we have been here for hours for you before and so have you for us…we will do it again
Sportsnut; I’ve been spending almost all of my time on here. Hah. Eventually I will explode. For now I idle on rants and tangents.
I would do it again every day I am able to. I love you guys.
we love you little beaubri peep..I’m having a yuck day too