BlueDiamond

Greasy savory hamburger patties on roasted buns, cripsy lettuce and red tomates, giving out the warm aroma of molecules that travels up the nose, and alines to the cilla, to be detected by olfacotory neurons, causing cannabinoid receptors to activate.

Peanut oiled fries covered in cheese sauce, sugar, salt, and fat, something our ancestors rarely found in bushes and trees, and everyday couldn’t kill a mammoth to survive the famine, taste buds in the tongue, sending a signal to the neurons, apart of the opioid circuitry, enabling a heavenly experience.

Salt, white grains, hypertension, heart pumping harder to move blood out of the body, contributing to hardening […]

I decided to pick drawing as a hobby. I hope to get even better!

Your words, bits by bits committed to memory
twirling and destroying, making me nauseous
turning the photos black, your anger slipping out
like muddy water from a foundation

Your silence makes me drown in a sea of blood
heat flashes inside my head, slowly breathing until I halt
goosebumps and hair standing on ends as you watch
with hawk eyes,

Your unappreciated touching makes me hold my breath
sliding your hand down my back, brushing between my legs
my muscles twitching but frozen in their tracks
now my mind has to leave, dreaming of something better
Man, I wish you disappear.

Your lack of care makes me wonder […]

On Thursday, I drove to meet a group which coincidentally happen to be mostly men see the new Avengers movie. I found the group on Meetup.com since I’ve been told to reach out to people. With my bad luck, the movie for the time to be with group sold out, so maybe it didn’t matter. The group leader which to be acted very nervous and distanced towards me. This didn’t make me feel better. A had a hard time speaking to him because he kept walking all over the place like he was avoiding me, then he walked really fast towards the ticket booth as […]

That way I never have to think about guys ever again. The guys I meet are never dependable, never admit the truth, play mind games, or sexually prey on me. They never respect me. It’s like I have this hole that guys either created or can’t fill.

Women have been much dependable. They’re so generous that they have paid for my meals. They try to build my self confidence up and they have more than a two word vocabulary. Women want to get close to me. Men just use me.

I feel love and affection towards women. I just can’t get down and dirty with them. I’m […]

Get their dicks chopped off or peppers shoved up their vaginas or whatever. Sometimes I wish sex never existed and we all reproduced asexually.

Won’t someone fight me? C’mon tell me what a psycho I am and how no one wants to hang out with me because I’m a *****. Just something. Everyone’s so two-faced. Tired of people hurting me. What is so bad about me?

It’s like my mom says my therapists tell me reach out for people but I keep getting slapped in the face. People either cancel at the last minute or they’re too busy for me. I’m doing everything I can to reach out, but no one is interested in hanging out with me. They just see me as a friendly acquaintance. I ask what’s wrong with me, but they’re always like I don’t know or it’s me that’s the problem. I feel like no one is honest with me because this happens a lot. I’m always the one that text people. At first they text once […]

I am much happier on disability. No more bitchy idiotic hambeast managers. The sexual harassment that I would face. I still feel scarred over it. It haunts my memories. It’s like I’m facing the results of rape without being rape. You feel so dirty, worthless, and you wonder why me? The time I got my ass touched, or when married men hit on me. I was told by a support manager to do a striptease in front of crowd of employees. Working a job is like the only place I get hit on by assholes. Doesn’t matter if you work hard, if you’re not one […]

23 Signs You’re Suffering From a Victim Mentality

I found this article that can help some people out of the slumps.

Here’s a couple of exercies to help us feel positive.
List ten things you’re thankful for;

I’ll start:

1. My cats, Jasmine and Alexis
2. My Mom
3. My Social Security and other benefits
4. My medication
5. My Nintendo Switch
6. My Transformers comic books
7. Internet
8. Jesus Christ
9. Sweets like cookies and chocolate
10.. People who help us feel good

Make one sentence that says something positive about yourself.

I’m a nice person who likes to help others.

Happy to read your posts!

Found out today that I guy friend I’ve been talking to for while can somehow have time for someone else, but can’t meet me once. Apparently it’s a date, but whatever happened to he’s too busy, so I called him on it, but it’s like well he works all day and he’s meeting her a night, so I’m like fine I can do night, but somehow he doesn’t know when he’s off. I’m tired of only having fiends that only text me and they promise to meet me, but they never fill full that promise. I’m not asking for a boyfriend, just a friend, but […]

That’s not me btw.

So I know that I’ll never find the love of my life, can’t hold a job, and live on social security and food stamps. I have a disability, so sue me. Is there a possibly that I can have kids? Since having a career never worked out, and guys only want to use me, how can I afford them? Since I’m already dependent on government, wouldn’t they just give me more money? I want to have kids because I want them not to get more money from the government. I can have one. Just one measly kid. Is that asking too much? I was thinking […]

Here’s a song that us, poor folks can relate to for the holidays:

Just a rant: When I do work, it’s the same fucking story. Thank-you for your work or you worked good today, but we don’t have anymore work for you so don’t come back. Truth is no one wants my dumbass.

I’m back from the dead. I posted a lot during the summer.
I’m feeling much better, on like four different meds.
Hopefully, I’m not delusional anymore, or dealing with a lot of weird thoughts,
but this isn’t why I’m writing.

I’ve been lurking on the site from time to time and
I want to say that I love you guys.
I love reading your posts and relating to them.
They let me know that I’m not alone.
I’m not enjoying that ya’ll are suffering an
hope that you find your “light”.
If I could fix the universe, I would make it,
so you guys could […]

I was rejected by the independent living faculty. What a waste of time. This is why I never get my hopes up. Guess it doesn’t matter. I’m one step closer to suicide. YAY! I posted months that I didn’t want to live past 30. I want to go out peacefully. Want the exit bag method expect I’ll use a cap mask because it looks easier. I’m only happy when I’m sleeping. Any advice on how to sneak the air tank and stuff without my parents noticing. Thinking about having the parts shipped to the post office, might have to ship each part to a separate […]

Does depression really put you in this much pain? It almost makes me feel sick. I feel and believe that I am ugly. I’m a nobody. I want this pain to stop. It’s like a different type of pain than the one you usually feel. I swear my head isn’t acting right. I need help. I also feel tired like my energy has been zapped.

I’m done and said a lot of stupid things such as ruin friendship and built debt because of psychotic depression. I wish I done things differently, maybe if I wasn’t so naive. I never knew what I was doing and I’m still stuck in one place like always. Always living in my own world.

Regret makes me think of that Last Unicorn when the unicorn says that she doesn’t feel regret because she is immoral. I now know that I am not immoral, which means that I have a death to look forward to. Couldn’t find the clip, so I used another scene close to it.

Guilt […]