So after finding out I owe my college more money than I thought the other day I told my mom I was giving up and I didn’t care about my life anymore. Of course she never takes it serious when I talk to her about suicide/ depression. So today she wouldn’t stop harassing me to get my W2’s so I could get my tax return (which won’t even be a couple hundred dollars) and I told that I already I was giving so why would I even file, since my dad already filed me as a dependent even though he doesn’t buy anything for me, […]
I haven’t been on here in a very long time, I don’t even recognize any of the users now. I stopped posting because I didn’t think it was really helping me, but I’m really needing a place to share how I’m feeling again.
I thought things were getting better for a while, I had a counselor and I was on antidepressants for a while. The antidepressants were helping but then we found out that I’m severely allergic to most medications. The only medication I wasn’t allergic made me incredibly sick all the time and made me feel worse. My counselor was very nice, but all she […]
I’ve been feeling a bit better lately. I got a few calls for job interviews and even though I don’t have a guaranteed job yet I don’t feel as anxious about it. I just stared on antidepressants and counseling. My counselor is very nice which I’m glad because I was very nervous with her being from the same hospital at the horrible doctor I’ve talked about before. Even though things aren’t perfect and parts of me are still sad I don’t feel as consumed by it lately. But I’m also very fearful, it’s hard feeling for me to explain. I’ve been depressed since I was […]
So I was considering uploading a picture of some severe scarring I have. It’s not to show off or glorify cutting. I actually wanted to ask if anyone knew how to heal them (or if they could be healed) because like I said they are very severe and ask if people think it will majorly interfere with my life. I haven’t cut for four months but the scars still look fresh. I just didn’t want to upset anyone or encourage or give people the idea of cutting. Would this be acceptable? I’m not interested in causing problems, they are just a major source of stress […]
Asking for help was honestly the biggest mistake of my life. That’s all.
I know I’m usually a rambler so I’ll keep this brief. After ages of debating, of hoping, of begging, I’ve decided to give up. I don’t feel like there’s anything good about me, I feel as if I’ll never be loved or supported and I’ll never achieve anything that I want. I’ve spent the past 19 years trying to feel happy. Thanks for being kind to me in my brief time here. I intend to shoot myself tomorrow morning, when everyone in my family is gone. I’ll make sure no one, but a cop or medical personnel finds me, so won’t worry about that.
As of right now I list a lot of things that are going wrong with my life. I put in my two weeks at a job I hated and when I put in my two weeks they started telling me not to come in everyday so I’m getting no hours, I still haven’t found another job despite applying at tons of places and I’m financially screwed. I was forced to move back in with my family in order to get away from the latest in a string of abusive relationships. I owe my college over $3,500 for dropping out and can’t go back to school […]
You’ll find a rooftop to sing from
Or find a hallway to dance
You don’t need an edge to cling from
Your heart it’s there, it’s in your hands
I know it seems like forever
I know it seem like an age
But one day this will be over,
I swear it’s not so far away
-Florence and the Machine
Sorry, that was kind of random, but I think of this when I’m really down and thought maybe they could make someone feel a little better/
The latest in a series of shitty things that are happening to me is that my best friend has decided that she hates me. I had never shared with her anything about my depression until I learned that she had tried to kill herself and was put into a mental hospital, that was six months ago. Yesterday night me and her had been drinking, I told her I didn’t want to drink because I don’t like how she gets when she’s drunk. She didn’t listen and got very angry and upset. She wanted me to move in with her, but I don’t have the money […]
My father keeps a revolver in his top dresser drawer along with bullets for it. It’s a .357 magnum and I don’t if this is a high enough caliber to kill me if I shoot myself with it. I know sometimes with lower caliber guns they don’t kill you, or they take some time to kill you. I don’t want to fuck it up and end up with brain damage or be paralyzed forever or something like that. So I was wondering if this is a high enough caliber gun to kill me?
I’m planning on making an appointment to get on antidepressants soon, I also plan on going to counseling soon. I am so incredibly terrified of going into the doctor’s office and telling them I’m depressed. I don’t even know why, but just the idea makes me sick to my stomach. Also the idea of going to counseling really scares me, I went to counseling once when I was younger because I was forced to go by the SRS since my parents were abusive. I’ve hidden my depression for so long, and I’ve been depressed and cutting myself since I was 11, and I’m 19 now. […]
Recently I started working in a call center, I have worked there for two weeks. As someone who is severely depressed and has been suicidal for a long time, I just can’t handle it. I repeat the exact same thing on the phone for 10 hours a day. I have worked plenty before and it wasn’t my favorite thing to do but I could handle it. This job is just so mindless and depressing and repetitive that I can’t stand to be there anymore. When I’m there all I think of is killing myself and how much I hate it and mind-numblingly awful it is. […]
I have only made two posts on this website, I have not received a lot comments in response, but the ones I did receive made me feel better. Not all of them were comforting or anything like that, some were just understanding and a sharing of pain and the same sense of being out of place. Every comment I have received on here has brought me comfort. I’m not a person who hears a lot of people positive things from people I know, or someone who has a lot of support or good people in their life. I just wanted to tell everyone on here […]
Recently, I had to move back home to my parents. Three years ago it was just my parents, my little sister and me. My sister and I both had our own room. Then my older sister and her two children moved in, we only live in a three bedroom townhouse. My older sister got her own room because she had to share it with her two kids. My younger sister got her own room because she refused to share a room and my parents wouldn’t make her. So I was forced out of my room and I had to sleep on the living couch/ floor […]
I don’t really know what I’m doing posting on here, I guess I’m just tired of holding it all inside. I’m not even sure if I’m making this post correctly, or if I’m doing anything correctly at all. I guess I just couldn’t all this any longer.
I’m 19 years old and I’ve attempted suicide 4 times, once when I was 11 and 3 when I was 19. I want my next one, to be my last. I’ve been abused by my parents my whole life and when I moved all it turned into was abusive relationships, and people using me, but I was handling it. […]
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