Recently, I had to move back home to my parents. Three years ago it was just my parents, my little sister and me. My sister and I both had our own room. Then my older sister and her two children moved in, we only live in a three bedroom townhouse. My older sister got her own room because she had to share it with her two kids. My younger sister got her own room because she refused to share a room and my parents wouldn’t make her. So I was forced out of my room and I had to sleep on the living couch/ floor for two years with no place for my stuff and no consideration for my stuff. I moved for one year to go to college, but I have very severe depression and for into a horribly abusive relationship and I later attempted suicide 3 times during the school year and dropped out of college because I was so unhappy. For a while I had my own apartment, but I could barely afford it and on my own I was hurting myself constantly and frequently taking massive amounts of pills so I moved home because I was so miserable, I didn’t want to be alone, and I wanted to get away from the guy who was abusing me. I moved back to where I live in the living room with no place for anything. Sometimes my older sister even throws away my stuff and if I say anything everyone yells that my stuff is in the way. When I sleep on the couch my older sister complains I’m sleeping on the couch and when I sleep on the floor my older sister complains I’m in the way on the floor. It just seems like no one wants me anywhere and all I want is a home where I feel like I can belong. My depression just seems to be getting worse the harder I try to get away from it, absolutely no one wants me around, not even me. So I’ve been thinking lately that I should give up on trying to get better and just end it, I don’t have the money to else where or any friends or family or anywhere else, but I don’t want to stay here anymore. I have been abused my entire life and I have known very few kind people and feel as if no one will ever care about me. Wouldn’t it seem like it would just be wiser to end it? I have no one and no place where I belong and there is absolutely nothing positive in my life.
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I hear you. More importantly I feel you. At this point I got nothing left too. Nothing. I have the shattered pieces of a relationship and meddlers up the ass as well as my own crazy shit to deal with. Death seems really nice. I’m even feeling like some heroine would be too sweet right now. I haven’t seriously thought of hard drugs since my teens but its sounding sweeter and sweeter by the minute. Get me some china white and OD. Sorry, i’m not very encouraging right now. I’m in some level 99 dungeon with mobs and bosses attacking me from all angles and my im fresh out of mana and basically no health potions. In otherwords: im fucked too.
That’s okay, please spend your energy on encouraging yourself. It’s not easy at all to feel like you have nothing and if you can’t cheer yourself up then how can you be expected to cheer others up? I do hope that things get better for soon. I’ve also considered hard drugs just to stop feeling how I feel for just one moment. Still, it does help that someone else out there understands how I feel.
Yeah totally. I get the pain yknow? What are you up to right now? Is it late where you are?
Yeah, it’s 2 am where I am now. I’m just sitting at home, I’m not really doing anything special, just sitting here.
Yeah me too. Just sitting in my car. I cant sleep nor do i want to. Too much rage in the chest. Way too anxious.
What brought you here tonight? Good ole google search eh?
Yeah, I’m unable to sleep too. Every time I try, I over think and think of all these negative things and everything that’s wrong with my life and how I’d like to feel like I belong somewhere and that I’m wanted. I actually found this website a few weeks ago through google search and I made a previous post prior to a suicide attempt.
Oh shit, sorry to hear u attempted. Those are not a good time. What did you try? If you did the pill method its okay, it’s a rookie mistake. You made a previous post eh? I’ll go back and read it. Gimme a sec
And feeling wanted and like you belong. I feel I’ll never truly find that. I had shadows and copies in my life but that was almost worse cause it was a giant tease
I’ve made several attempts in my life. I’ve made the mistake of trying the pill method on several occasions, I actually tried to slit my wrist but I’m a petite girl and I’m not very strong so it’s difficult to cut deep enough. Basically I lost enough blood that I was sick and vomiting for a few days and I was unable to get out of bed. I’ve caused myself to have kidney by attempting to overdose on pills and I have massive scars on my arms. Yeah, it’s definitely not a good time.
Fuck. In a way I respect you. I really do. It takes a lot of courage to truly try to take your life. I dont care what people say. If you kill yourself, you are no coward. That takes guts, even if they end up on the floor.
I dont know if i can qualify what Ive done as real attempts. I found a suicide partner at one point but it didn’t really go anywhere cause I fancied him too young. Lots of potential. Ive held knives to my stomach and pressed in and the ole bathtub hold your breath. Pills I never tried. Closest I came was the suicide partner or nearly ordering N e m b u t a l online. That was a trip
Fuck. In a way I respect you. I really do. It takes a lot of courage to truly try to take your life. I dont care what people say. If you kill yourself, you are no coward. That takes guts, even if they end up on the floor.
I dont know if i can qualify what Ive done as real attempts. I found a suicide p a r t n e r at one point but it didn’t really go anywhere cause I fancied him too young. Lots of potential. Ive held knives to my stomach and pressed in and the ole bathtub hold your breath. Pills I never tried. Closest I came was the suicide p a r t n e r or nearly ordering N e m b u t a l online. That was a trip. The words with spaces are because those words are censored if you dont type with spaces.
Yeah read your first one. Theres lots of pain there. I used to subtly judge people that wanted to die after a tough break up and all that shit. But I’ve had a couple since I joined the site and they’re quite traumatic. Espeeially when you trust someone. I think what I hate the most in any relationship is a meddler. For any friendship or relationship I have going forward, I will really try to keep the dynamics between me and that person. Once other people get involved shit goes ballistic
You’ve had the courage to try to end your life thrice. You can do it. Try your best to get away from those animals. I’m rooting for you.
Survive them