Im scared but also excited to find sharper things to cut with. why am I scared? Maybe because im unsure of what damage sharper things will do. I wish i could stop thinking about it. but at the same time I dont want to stop doing it. although its not as bad as other people i guess.
Being extremely self critical about everything you experience and do really fucking sucks. Its hard to even recognize it as being critical of yourself most of the time, it just feels like the truth.
You guys ever have good days?
Does anyone have any advice or tips for hiding cuts. I really dont want anyone to see them and get any more worried. All I do now is wear long sleeved shirts. I shaved my wrists and its pretty obvious so sometimes people pull it down to see how much i shaved i guess? or whatever other reason they have. Maybe there is no advice for this and Im just awaiting the inevitable. this sucks. hope whoever reads this is doing ok.
if leaving all of your friends is wrong, then why does it feel right. its less stressful this way. it almost feels better.
I think im going to fail calculus, and maybe english too. Although, its kind of hard to do anything about that when you want to kill yourself everyday. And everyday I just do worse and worse in those classes. I do not want anything from this life. I was thinking of telling a random under trained guidance counselor that I wanted to kill myself to see what they would do. Maybe its a good idea, not because they’ll help me, but because they’ll do something about school. Senior year kind of sucks. I hope that whoever, if anyone, reading this is feeling ok. I wonder if anyone will ever see this. Theres more to it than just school, if you were wondering.