The other day my friend recounted an incident where he was spoken to in a very degrading manner by an employer when he was a young teen. He was so stunned, it has stayed with him more than fifty years later. He asked me, “Who speaks to anyone that way, especially a kid?” I told him I was always spoken to that way. Where I come from it’s normal. It wasn’t until I was married and had a child that I learned that not all people hate their spouse and not all parents resent their kids. My father is long dead and my mother, who […]
I am so disinterested in everything that I don’t even have the motivation to catch the bus.
I was planning things out the other day ~ where to get the supplies, make sure the bed is covered in something fluid-repellent, figure out how to delay the sending of an email, ensure no first responders are harmed ~ and then I thought, “Shit. You’re 59 and not in great shape. You’ve got a few years left, maybe. It’s almost ridiculous at this point. Just have your heart attack and don’t traumatize your kid and piss off your friends.”
I stayed alive these years for my daughter’s sake. Last time I was here she was about 13. Now she’s 22. I just learned she has recently made some really fucked up decisions ~ and she’s certainly entitled to. But the lies and the deception ~ and the lengths she’s willing to go ~ blow my mind. And her nonchalance when confronted made my blood run cold. I don’t know this person. I don’t recognize her at all. It’s possible she has no conscience. I’m not sticking around to find out. I’ll put my affairs in order, figure out what to do with the cats, […]
Those who think their life matters and those who don’t. I’m not sure if one group is any happier than the other, though.
Five years in a long-distance e-mail “relationship.” Have seen him twice in that time. Some of us are slow learners.
When I speak of my debilitating depression I make it sound like I’m just running to the store to grab a few items. Only on the rarest of occasions have people seen how crippled I am, even my closest friends. I have found that people who do not have chronic depression and suicidal thoughts cannot understand, even though they might want to. I just told the man I love that I’m taking a hiatus from the world for a little while and that I’ll be back. I did tell him I’ll be around if he needs me. If people really knew how deep, how all-encompassing, how […]
Usually, I await spring because there’ll be some relief, some hope, some optimism. This was the first year that spring arrived and that accompanying deep sigh and saying goodbye to the darkness of winter never came. The roses on my arbor bloomed, the honeysuckle is now out and I’m back to driving barefoot — but it’s merely pleasant, at best. My 15 year-old daughter told me the other day that I’m her best friend. I knew girls growing up whose mothers were their best friends. In my high school yearbook, people had under their photos “143 Mom and Dad!” 143 stands for “I love you.” […]
It’s been a while since I posted here. I’m in a bad place today. Just wanted to say hello. Thanks.
I had court today for my divorce proceedings. We reached an agreement whereby I will keep the house and my daughter will not be uprooted. I am willing to postpone my departure date of August 8 to see how things pan out.
How are you doing? We’re thinking about you.
How are you doing?
For the uninitiated, narcissism is a personality disorder that has (almost) nothing to do with vanity, as we commonly understand it. In a nutshell, “their behavior tends to be erratic, manipulative and centered around themselves. In some cases, a person suffering from this condition can become both physically and emotionally abusive…”
“Typically, those with this condition are unable to relate to the emotions of other people, and see any form of criticism as a personal attack. They may react with extreme rage or violence in these situations, or turn the words of their perceived attacker around to make themselves look like victims.”
A little background: my mother […]
My heart is breaking for my daughter. She has no idea how her world is about to change in a few weeks. Please pray for her.
I find out Thursday if I’m going to lose my house in the divorce. He has spent well over $100,000 of my money and jerks off to “Rape Galaxy,” yet is a very prominent person in the Jewish world. I’m not starting my life all over again at 50. He can have the house so my daughter can continue to be raised here. August 8 can’t come soon enough.
My mother was here a week or so ago for my kid’s bat mitzvah, as were my friends. She called today just to say, “hi,” something she never does. Hmm…must be that since she was a narcissistic **** all weekend which was noticed by all, she now has to do some damage control. Sorry, not going down THAT rabbit hole. Not this time. Fucking ****.
“I can be very cruel. I have been taught by masters.” — Catherine Sloper, as portrayed by Olivia DeHavilland in “The Heiress”
My kid’s bat mitzvah is Saturday. My mother called and asked if I had heard from her sister. My aunt is not well. She had a stroke a few years ago and suffers from chronic depression and rarely leaves the house. So I said, “No. But I didn’t expect to. She’s sick. I don’t take it personally.” My mother’s reply – a very measured, well-rehearsed, deliberately timed, “Uh huh.” That “uh huh” was not a nod of agreement. On the contrary. It was the statement of her rage that I didn’t join her in slicing up her sister. It was notification that she doesn’t approve of my perspective — […]
My mother is a ****.
Weird is planning your kid’s bat mitzvah, studying for the bar exam, talking to your friends like everything’s fine, and making arrangements for your death all at the same time. When I first saw this house I said I would die here. It wasn’t what I meant at the time. but it turns out I was right, nonetheless.
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