Daisy_rosieismyrealname

I’ve settled with the day Im going to do it.

My 20th birthday in September.

Absolutely fool proof.

Now I have 9 months to raise the courage.

UPDATE: I drove off the road today. Stopped myself tho.

I’ve settled with the day Im going to do it.

My 20th birthday in September.

Absolutely fool proof.

Now I have 9 months to raise the courage.

UPDATE: I drove off the road today. Stopped myself tho.

Have I mentioned i fucking hate myself. Met a guy that was perfect. Had a wild mood swing where I conviced myself everyone was better without me and I broke up with him. Turns out he doesn’t feel like coming back-ofcourse not, Im a psycho.

Having a strong urge to poor bleach over my fresh cuts. Punishment seems rational right now.

Have i mentioned – I fucking hate myself.

Does anyone else get this strong urge to run away? Killing yourself is too far but you just want to escape, get away from everyone and live in the woods.

Okay, so I saw a new nurse. I quickly hated her as I do new people. I didn’t exactly trust her, and I hate that she judges me whilst simultaneously knowing that she has to in order to figure out what went so wrong I tried to kill myself. She said some things that had me (admittedly, wrongly) fuming. For example, “when you anticipate a down, you make the down happen”. ‘So it’s my fault’ I thought. She doesn’t think I have Bipolar Disorder, she mentioned anti depressants and ‘Emotional Dysregulation’ which, if severe enough is basically Borderline Personality Disorder. We’re starting Distress Tolerance Therapy […]

I don’t know what I expected but I feel let down and alone. Life has went on and I’m expected to aswell, no medication, psychiatrist or anyone to turn too. I was given an appointment with adult mental health for two weeks time thinking I would get properly screened, but instead I’ve been given an appointment for a community nurse that I saw briefly when I was 14. No doubt because it’s thought she will know me better. Except, she caused crazy distress with my Foster parents, stayed up in my room for 4 hour sessions until I was exhausted and then eventually it was […]

Honestly think I’m Bipolar. The past few weeks I’ve struggled to get out of bed, go to school or function. I tried to take my life and my only regret was that it didn’t work. Today, besides the annoying spots of irritability when I take my irrational anger out on friends and family, I feel great. How could I ever feel like that? It feels like weeks ago when it was less that 48 hours ago when I considered jumping in front of a car.

Besides having to pick up all the pieces from my non-functional days, I feel like I have so much to live […]

I really want to lie in the middle of the road right now.

Sorry for the spams but I feel like this site has been a lifeline the past couple of days, preventing from the overflow of emotions that eventually get me into trouble when I don’t keep my mouth shut. My liver and heart are no longer fucked so I’m heading home, told the doctors I feel fine when in fact I’ve felt like throwing up since 2am but I can throw up at home. Also told them I didn’t have an active plan, which I guess I don’t. Fantasies of jumping of bridges and in front of cars give me some relief that if I had […]

Of course I have to reply with yes but I want to say that I don’t. Yes I failed (major screw up) but I don’t feel guilty for taking action against my own life based on my own personal feelings. If anything, being so close to death has made me more desperate for it.

If I do actually succeed one day, then ask me if I regret it.

I’m left with the guilt of saving myself.

I’m 18 years old. Can I refuse to be admitted to a psych ward/ mental hospital? Like can I just say thanks for your opinion but I’m going home?

I can’t even kill myself properly. Severely overdosed on painkillers and alcohol but got to the hospital before passing out. Just had 5 hours of throwing up as punishment afterwards. Its been two days and I’m still in hospital. I feel completely trapped. I’ve tired myself out of any further attempts but I’m dreading going back to my life. Of course, I’ll have to say I’m fine. Freedom to be miserable is still a lot better than a psych ward, especially when my exams start in a month.

I couldn’t get onto this site the day of my attempt. I think if I could have posted […]

How do I even prepare for suicide? It seems sucky enough that I’ve killed myself, but I don’t want to leave my family with the hassle of tidying away my stuff (I’m in fostercare so it’ll probably all get dumped so that a new kid can move in).

So I plan on tidying my room, organising my drawers, throwing out/burning diaries, because even after I’m dead, some things are still private. Delete browser history, online accounts. Take out the trash. Clean out my rats cage (I’m going to miss my boys). Is that it?

I would just throw out my stuff but one, someone will notice and […]

I really, really want to die.

Why does it have to be so difficult to find a way.

I AM SO FUCKING TERRIFIED OF WHAT I’M CAPABLE OF.

I really want to die, because there is no other way. My life is turning to crap. But there are people that love me and I love them. And I know, although I’d be dead, that I will miss them. I’m scared that I’m cutting some amazing things short. But a lot of the time anxiety and depression outweigh any rationality.

I planned on doing it tonight, or at latest tomorrow.

I feel sick.

I’m not really sure if this will get a response. I’m just pretty lonely and need to tell someone what I plan to do.

Today I go by Daisy. They’re my favorite flowers. I’m 16, a good student, aiming for straight A’s and A*’s. I have friends, loving siblings, and great foster parents.

But my life is falling apart.

I’m at the point now where I don’t even know what to say or do. I could share my story of foster care and adoption and abuse and mental illness but it’s all been said before.

Anxiety and depression have made me so tired and worn down that I can’t […]