Idk if i miss you. Or rather idk if i miss the person i stopped talking to. You weren’t the same person I fell in love with. You had such a major impact on my life that no matter what i do I’ll always know it wouldn’t have happened without you. But you went from lovingly warm to ice cold. I didn’t waiver. You went from open and honest to distant and duplicitous. You pushed me away but […]
Initially this post was going to be (and still may be) similar to a lot of posts where i complain about how undesirable i feel to women. The impetice for that feeling was a commercial for a movie called How to be single. I get it “everybody sleeps around”. Well pop culture and the 6 to 9 corporations that own you. FUCK OFFF!!!! Im a super depressed introvert who hates social networking and doesn’t look like brad pitt. Furthermore the few times in my life where i did luck into a “hook up” left me feeling empty. It isnt for me. But it is a […]
Am i perfect not at all. I wish i had more exciting imperfections besides bitterness and anger but it is what it is. If there was such thing as a sure suicide method I’d probably do it. Hanging doesn’t work well and the dam near me doesnt have a convenient way to the drop. Also its survivable imo. I had a gun once. I was scared of vegitating myself so i didn’t do it. I would have fucked up the shot. You get nervous with a gun. I’m mad i was ever born still. But do i always see a hopeless loser in the mirror? […]
Ive been rejected hundreds of times in person and thousands of times online. No one wants to fuck a fat ugly depressed unconfident anxious broke piece of shit. I’ll admit i no longer try to talk to women. In the same way someone who can’t play basketball stops shooting baskets after missing every shot. Socially i live in a different world than everyone else. I dont have any social networking. I dont go to bars(panic attacks and i hate liquor) i didn’t go to parties when i was younger. I havent been alive to an extent most people just dont understand. I hate this world […]
In this moment i wish i could die. So all the pain and memories of pain could disappear. So id never feel all the anger and hatred and my needless existence could disappear. Im sick of seeing triggers everywhere. Im sick of society at large. Im sick of having little self worth. Im sick of being different. Honestly im only still here because i failed at suicide hundreds of times. Im alone and uneccesary. But that said im not going to attempt. Im going to get up and go to the gym and continue to do the best i can do. There is a part […]
Im not going to give up on you. Im hurt i feel abandoned but i still love you. I don’t want you to be alone. I don’t want you to cut off your support. Im going to give you and anyone else some veteran advice. Dont assume death when planning suicide. People survive gunshots and trips off the golden gate bridge. Rare but true. No method is 100 percent. To destroy things in order to make it easier on your suicide only makes your life worse in the high likelihood of you living. I say that to say this. You’re already alive longer […]
Despite working out and eating better im fatter. I got off of work early but im tired and sore. I cant turn on the tv without seeing shit about sex and relationships. I get it im too ugly to find anyone in real life i know. I fucking feel guilted by life to contacting my ex(met online) because i do worry about her and i know I’ll never get someone better. As proof of that someone else who ive met(also online) in the many months since we stopped talking and who i care about but who fucking abandoned and rejected me is in trouble. Idk […]
I shouldn’t tell myself this but life reminds me of what i am. Idk why i post here still. Maybe because i don’t have a sure method to die. I wish i wasnt born and im old and meaningless and i keep getting reminded of how horrid my life has been my life is and will be. Im too incompetent to continually do anything about it. I hate being a fuckup. I hope i have a heart attack soon. I’ve been rejected abandoned neglected. I have no support system or meaningful relationships i do want to die. I am immobile, agoraphobic, perpetually suicidal. No one […]
Ive neen hopelessly suicidal my entire life. I’ll never make anything of myself i tried. Im just waiting for deaths sweet embrace to end my suffering. I hate this shit. I hate tv, back pain, all I do is eat and im emotionally fucked up all the time.
I wish i had either i just want to eat all day every day. And David Bowie is dead? Really WTF? Hes a fucking genius!!!
Edit:I hate seeing this disgusting detestable ogre staring me back in the mirror. Its easy to shovel in more food when you’re already a fat pig and you’re perpetually suicidal. Also, fucking Ziggy Stardust is dead. Things are not hunky dory. Im under pressure to lose weight and get a better job and i feel low.
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
I hate being an old ugly loser on my mom’s couch. Im such a ***** i can’t jump to my death even though its 10 minutes away. I hate being alive and stupid and lazy and suicidal for 3 decades. There is nothing to keep going for. I hate being consistently rejected and pointless. I cant keep trying. There is a reason i eat all the damn time. Its the only joy i can get from life. I don’t even have access to weed anymore. Im a fucking moron.
Edit: I keep thinking about how hopeless and pointless i am. I keep thinking how unnecessary i […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
Im working as a temp and have been for a couple of months. I may have had a chance to get hired on but i just no call no showed now i may be jobless. I kept calling the temp and company the past few days to see if i had to work with no answer with either. Now someone is telling me i did have to work and idk what to do. There is a dam 10 minutes away i can always jump. Im soooooo tired of always fucking up my life. My plan was to just go but i overslept woke up hella […]
http://en.nothingisreal.com/wiki/Why_I_Will_Never_Have_a_Girlfriend
This is dated and i have a few more things against me on top of the original writers criteria. 1 im fat. 2 i have horrible social anxiety 3 people are expected to be more promiscuous ive been told repeatedly by women “anyone can find someone” no ***** you are a beautiful young woman i am an ugly unconfident old male. 4 i dont want someone with kids and 5 i have a sort of social ptsd from years of rejections. It does something to your confidence when you see this face of repulsion on women. It makes me feel so disgusting. It made […]
https://www.youtube.com/-Ib36OXrEL8
Sorry about the religious music. I don’t believe in religion but i do believe in god. I dont assume to know anything about god but i dont think he wants us to kill each other for him or that hes really that concerned in how we believe in him or even that we directly believe in him given just as long as we are trying to be better people to each other. The song is the sample source for Jesus Walks but its soulful on its own i had to post it. But this post isnt about that its about you […]
The science channel is playing every single Mythbusters episode in order for 10 days I’ve forgot so much about this show in its early years…. the post is over im all suicidal ranted out. Im procrastinating and tired but i don’t feel like rambling. I hope you all feel better you are special people.
I cant do it this is stupid. Im too tired to move most of the time. Its a battle to not beat myself up all day. My best friend has stopped talking to me so she can kill herself and now ignores me im alone so im back here to be judged and picked apart. I want to die. Ive been suicidal for decadesm i should want to die. Im tires im sick my job is stressful. Everything is a suicide trigger I can’t stop over eatting. I am just scratching the surface I’m so angry i punch things at work randomly. Im undatable, uninteresting, […]
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