Dungeon

today has been awful
everything that I’ve tried to forget has come back and I can’t turn it off
I’ve haven’t felt like this since the last time
I can’t stand this I just want to be normal
I don’t want to feel like this anymore
I feel so fucking scared
I just want the thoughts to go away
I’m struggling so bad

I wish I could turn off my thoughts
I just want to sleep
I don’t want to be a burden
I don’t want to be awful anymore
I wish I could cope

all my emotions have been bottled up tight for so long
even if it’s just a sentence atleast I got it out of me

I’ve been alive for too long
I should’ve died the first time

I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I […]

I think Ive met my limit. There’s nothing in me left that even remotely wants anything to do with living. Everything feels truly empty or meaningless. I feel like I’m living my last days, I don’t really know how to explain it well but that’s the best I can do to put in words. It’s a weird sluggish feeling but time seems to be moving faster then I can keep up with. I really want to get away from all of this, and of course there’s only one solution. What a weird experience it is being human.

I can’t do this anymore

this is exhausting
what am i supposed to do
honestly i feel closer than i have ever been , yet i feel like ive said that many times before
i feel extremely guilty about even acknowledging that but at the the same time time i feel a moment of relief in the thought
honestly I don’t know what im going to do, ive lost all progress.
the only thing holding me back is the fear of hurting my parents by going through with it, its also all that i have left
but at the same time the weight just gets heavier by every moment
I […]

I’m tired of making excuses
I don’t have the talent, motivation, or passion to succeed
I have to play the fucking clown around my friends so they don’t think I’m constantly depressed and suicidal.
“Yeah I was really bad a couple years ago but ya know I’ve gotten a lot better and those things don’t bother me any more haha”
That sort of shit and add acting like I’m carefree and absolutely unaware of reality.
Everyone thinks I’m just spacy and honestly stupid. I guess they’re not wrong but they definitely don’t know why they’re right.
To be fair they couldn’t care less about that […]

Fuck
You

Honestly I just wanna see how far I can fuck up my life
I’m not trying to go against my morals
But a little bit of stress to get away from myself should feel ok
So I’m going to keep with the k’s and bars blow etc
Stay with the people I know will be a problem to my self and my future. I’m going to have “fun” and hopefully I’ll die from all this stupid shit without going out of my way.
Everything I say is like a contradiction but that’s how all my emotions feel. I’m awful, using people’s interest in me just […]

im not doing well
i just want this to end
sometimes its simple

I guess I haven’t changed.
I say this a a lot, maybe since it keeps ringing in my head.
Although I am different then how I was when I first spiraled down this hole, I just can’t stop feeling this way.
I don’t want to sound like a broken record
But that seems to be a prominent symptom of being this way.
Who am I even talking to, who would I even tell.
I can’t tell my friends they’d think I’m being selfish and just tell me to get over it. I would never tell my family as that would just make them worry even […]

Nothing , no one, alone, anhedonic, liar, pretender, asleep, insomniac, painful, tired, empty, silent, complainer, stagnant.
Is this really all I know about myself
Probably
I wouldn’t know
It fucking hurts
Yet
I
Feel
Nothing
I don’t like being by myself like this
But it’s better if I keep to myself
I’m just a burden
To myself
And quietly to everyone else.
All my problems don’t seem to matter when I only care about
Going
To
Sleep
So please let me
Please.
I know you hate me
But we should keep trying
It would be better if we just
Slept
I really don’t like being […]

It’s 5 am again
Why does it always have to be 5 am
why can’t I just feel normal
Why do I have to die
Why can’t I just find whatever the fuck I’m looking for
I feel absolutely nothing
Im not sad
I’m not anxious
I’m not sleepy
I’m not awake
Just fucking nothing
It’s just swirling
Constantly turning inside and out
Emptiness
Anhedonia is all I remember at this point
No satisfaction
Only apathetic disappoinment
I’m so tired
I just want the world to stop looking at me
I want it to stop trying to persuade me to giving in
I want to […]

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I just want to give up
Im doing this for no reason
I dont want to die anymore
I dont want to live anymore
just let me have nice dreams
and sleep
god im so tiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtired