My teenage daughter is driving me nuts. Its bad enough i have a tempermental 10yr old autistic son and 1 hyped up 7yrold. But i foolishly assumed my daughter would be the easiest 1 because of how independent she is. Nope, sadly mistaken. Shes in a confused state where she wants to be a guy but says shes a non binary lesbian but then gets offended when people call her my son cuz she looks like a boy. And then she doesnt care about her looks or how much she smells. I gotta demand and yell at her to take a shower n brush her […]
elleInWi
elleInWi
Single mom of 3 kids whose never had anything good happen to her and whose battled her demons with a fake smile for long enough
These shots i got friday are 2months supply and i can already see em workin. I fell asleep and stayed asleep last nite which is a 1st. My paranoia keeps me awake usually. I notice im not as on edge as i used to be. I feel relaxed and not hyper. The antipsychotics are keeping the psycho ellen at bay lol why didnt i do this 14yrs ago? I would of been married by now instead of driving men crazy with my mood swings an paranoia lol .
Just went for my doses of antipsychotics. 2 shots in the butt, 1 pill and also some sleepin meds cuz ive always struggled with insomnia cuz of paranoia and my shadow guy. Hadnt had a shot since i was in winnebago, but i cant trust myself to have those pills around so its gotta be this way.
Since my new apartment that i moved into yesterday, is across the street from a burger king. I literally stayed up watching out my window watching burger king close for the night and the workers cleaning before they left. Lol
Im so happy to be spending the 4th of july […]
So now theres been 4 of my exes who have wanted to see me and be intimate. And i rejected all of em. As much as i want to because its been 7months since ive done anything, i really need to let go and just wait for someone who will treat me like i mean something and not just another option. Idk how men can use women like that, its pretty degrading. Like a person is always good enough to screw but never date. Like bruh that makes us feel like sh*t, just an fyi. You get your ego boost and we question our self […]
Saw my therapist this mornin. She let me know what my pill lady already diagnosed me as. So my diagnosis is schizoaffective and trichotillomania. Which im not suprised. Ive had trich ever since i was 7 and ive been told i was schizoaffective since i was 18yrsold. She wants to put me back on abilify again as well as some other meds, i wont know til fri. Fingers crossed its not weight gaining type meds.
I told my therapist about the diff types of shadow people that i see. Before then only my mom and Manny knew about my shadow people. So it felt good to […]
So my old friend Manny back from doc bootcamp days, has decided he wanted to cut ties with me yet again. I was giving logical advice/answers to a “argument” he had with another friend and he didnt like that i didnt enable him n feed into his jaded thoughts of the situation. Im like bruh i dont see anything wrong with what your friend was saying to you in this whole text. But what i did see was you alienating him, baffling him, sabotaging your new job and beating him socially with your mental illness.
Well that set a fire with him cuz it wasnt a […]
Just met with my pill lady for the 1st time. Had to tell her what meds ive been on over the years and what all ive abused. Might need to get my stuff injected because i have a habit of abusing things when im mad or stressed out. She had me do a swab test that can detect what kind of meds would most suit me for my disorder. Which is crazy cuz apparently its been around for years but this is the 1st time ive heard of it cuz my docs used to experiment on me with numerous meds from 7yrs-20yrs. Been 14yrs without […]
Everytime i hear this song it shows me of my simple innocent days before i turned into the train wreck that i am today. anytime this plays on the radio while i drive, i smirk at it. Its just an overall feel good song for me, really makes that seritonin kick in. Whats your happy song?
Her tears are empty
Very existance meaningless
People have broken her
Nothing but a shell filled with darkness
Thoughts jaded
Hatred so deep it makes toxic fumes
Alienating everyone around her
Makes them question how life really is
Humans killing the human spirit
Makes death seem like a dream come true
We no longer desire to thrive
Diving into the abyss head first
Embrace the hate
There is no good
Where’s the god ive heard of
He aint in this hood
What if satan ruled the world?
There is no what if, because satan, he is you.
(Disclaimer: sorry if it doesnt make sense or is horrible. My therapist wanted me to write a poem and i hadnt written 1 since like 2003 […]
Things seem to be starting to go good for me. But im worried about bein happy n optimistic because feelin that way jinxes me and 2 bad things follow thru and set me back like 4 steps.
Seriously wonder what i did in a former life that made me live this cursed 1. Im honestly lookin forward to not bein homeless anymore but this move into this apartment is takin too long. Already been waiting 1 month n 3 wks. Living off fast food and gas station convenient foods/microwave meals has caused me to gain alot of weight cuz of high sodium/carb count. But its cheap […]
My daughter keeps sayin how gross it looks but it looks way better than it did last week. My 6yrold believed me when i told him i got bit by a zombie. I personally think that was a better excuse than the truth which is “mommy lost her sh*t, bought some chemicals and sat watching ER reruns as i sprayed my arm for 30mins” lol
I started journal writing. Had to give the crisis hotline a break with my […]
Well i ended up doing a really big and bad burn on my arm and actually got medical attention for the 1st time. Was sent to a hosp 40mins away to their burn unit. They cleaned up the wound and put some silver medicated pad over it with some neon green wrappings and a sleeve to go over. Cant get it wet and have to leave it alone for 1 week til my next appointment.
They wanted to inpatient me but i rejected it even though i told them my whole life story. They were scared by how calm i am and theyre like “do you […]