Author

falling_soup

I discovered this website after i attempted to kill my self from a OD on pills.. i am a depressed, empty, alone and sad person everyday all i think about is death and sometimes its okay to cry and letting go can be the hardest thing to do because we can not seem to find away out.

Is there a point?

by falling_soup 2/28/2015

written by falling_soup

http://youtu.be/ynEaeoJJOyM

I don’t see a point of me being here. What is the point of trying when no one loves you ( I am not saying that I need to rely on someone to be here I am saying that it would be nice to be heard) I honeslty don’t care anymore. It really is all a matter of time before I am gone. No one sees me hurting. I am usually very vocal and speak my mind, I guess it’s not enough. Everyone is blind and doesn’t need to care. They only care about themselves. I don’t want to be the center of attention I […]

2/28/2015 3 comments

The demons..

by falling_soup 2/19/2015

written by falling_soup

Question: If no one is here to save me from the demons, and supposedly I can’t rely on others am I all alone?

I have fought the monster in my head called depression for so long. I am sorry that people have tried to save me and that it wasn’t enough. I am trying to restrain myself from the pills that sit next to me on the table. All of those medications that tried to make me better, THEY DID NOT WORK. The depression has worsened, I fake a smile and try to be anyone but the fucked up, messed up, person I am. I seem […]

2/19/2015 1 comment

The Ugly Duckling

by falling_soup 2/18/2015

written by falling_soup

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f2BCI4twcXg

I am the ugly duckling. I seem to always be the odd one out. My mother never seems to approve of the friends I do make and what ever choices I do make are “Stupid” and not “Rational” because I am a teenager. I think that it is okay to make the decisions that I learn lessons from. I am safe and I don’t make the decisions that are unsafe. (most of the time) I seem to be a “good girl” because I don’t do drugs or drink or what ever people define as a “teen at risk”. I don’t judge people I try to […]

2/18/2015 0 comment

I have said it all to many times before

by falling_soup 2/18/2015

written by falling_soup

I have yet to say that I have found a plan and that it will work. I am sorry that I have said goodbye to many times and then not actually do anything about it, I am such a “wuss”. I feel like I can’t ever follow through with things and that I can’t seem to get it together these days..

NO I am not selfish for wanting to die
NO I am not trying to get attention or trying to get people to feel sorry for me because I am “sick”
I am always going to be broken, I can’t seem to get fixed
No one is going […]

2/18/2015 4 comments

Some day I will be able to..

by falling_soup 2/17/2015

written by falling_soup

Some day I will be able to:

Be free
Live on my own
Be who I want to be
Live far away from my mom
Be happy?

Let’s be real, I will never be happy. I can never be free because I am trapped to my mentally ill mother. I am all alone. My stomach is in knots and I can’t seem to stop the anxiety and the emotions that come with the thought of killing myself. I will never be able to “stomach” the situation that for the last 16 years I have been put through. My life is never going to change. I am trying to do the best […]

2/17/2015 5 comments

Mabye its best this way…

by falling_soup 2/5/2015

written by falling_soup

I can not keep doing this anymore and I know that I have tried and tried to keep fighting, yet when I do fight it’s never enough. I hate being shit on by teachers and by my own mother. The one who “loves you the most” doesn’t and well.. If people continue to do this to me (the making me feel terrible and the shit on) I am and WILL give up. I am going to cut and try to soothe the pain. The fact is, I do not know how to cope anymore.. I am done thinking that I can keep doing this because […]

2/5/2015 2 comments

IS ANYONE OUT THERE?

by falling_soup 2/4/2015

written by falling_soup

I am all alone and no one really seems to care at this point. NO i am not an attention seeker and NO i do not want to be helped if you don’t care and you feel like its the “right thing to do” I have had it with people putting pitty on me. I do not believe that I should be looked upon as a “mentally ill person” I am fucked up just fucked up and I will never get better. I am going to try and attempt today. I’m sorry that no one seems to comment or notice. I just need help and […]

2/4/2015 10 comments

Anywhere but here

by falling_soup 2/3/2015

written by falling_soup

I feel that the end is near and I am ready to give up. I don’t want to be here anymore. What is the point when I am not happy and I don’t even care anymore. I still love you. I want you back and I need you now. I wish you would come back and be here with me once again and make the pain go away. I have had it with everyone shitting on me and making me worse than I already do. I am counting the pills and getting a blade. I am ready to go if even I don’t want to […]

2/3/2015 1 comment

To Be Honest, I am not going to lie

by falling_soup 2/2/2015

written by falling_soup

I don’t know any more. I don’t think that my time here is going to be much longer. I feel that I have done my journey, its all over for me. I miss my ex and the true love that we actually had together and how pure that love actually was to me. It was so clear and considering the time and effort that was spent on everything. The love we had for each other was something that I probably will never have again. I still love him and that love will always be with me <3 *sorry if this post makes no sense, I […]

2/2/2015 2 comments

I now know what I want

by falling_soup 1/29/2015

written by falling_soup

I want to hurt myself. I want to cut and watch myself bleed. I want to take the pills and slowly die. I have had it with the suffering and sadness I put myself through everyday. Its all over for me now.. I don’t know when or how but it will happen and when that time comes I will let you all know <3 I am sorry that I am just another lost cause…

1/29/2015 4 comments

Knots

by falling_soup 1/27/2015

written by falling_soup

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OA1Xvgauffc

Let me begin to say that my stomach is in knots. Just the thought of killing myself makes me want to throw up, yet all I think about is killing myself. The fact that I will never be happy and “normal” (if you must use that word) again frightens me. I want to get better so badly and yet I am still the same person who won’t ever do well in life, I am always going to be the person I have always been. A monster, a monster is the best way to put it because I scare everyone and my sadness and feelings I […]

1/27/2015 1 comment

WHYYYYY I don’t know anymore.

by falling_soup 1/22/2015

written by falling_soup

why is that I am always that last kid to be picked for gym of for a group project the teacher has to put me into a group and everyone has to hate on me because they were happy with their friends before I showed up.. I am always such a burden to everyone. Even my mom says that I am a burden. So why am I still here if no one gives a damn about me? and being the last pick of the bunch or the “thing” that no one wants. I am the ugly duckling and no one really gives a damn. I […]

1/22/2015 6 comments

Feeling alone.. I don’t know how much longer I will be here

by falling_soup 1/21/2015

written by falling_soup

let me first say hello to those who know me and know that I am well..

I know that I haven’t posted here in a while but I feel it is in need for me to post.. I am here because well I have not found that reason yet and well I do not plan on it. My story is complex and no one seems to understand that it will never get better for me. I know that it had been a long road for me and I have been fighting for so long to keep on going and well I think that my fight is […]

1/21/2015 4 comments

My thoughts

by falling_soup 1/3/2013

written by falling_soup

these thoughts are there they sit there like glue and don’t want too go away. I am sick and tired of living. I want too do anything too just fade away…. I puke so I can get rid of the sadness and the pain…. I Â enjoy Â every little bit of it Â & watching my self Â get more broken apart.. Â I am over all of this shit and the lies and the hurt I am done with it all. I am still working on a date that will be more solid. I have a few methods but all in all I am just waiting too see […]

1/3/2013 2 comments

Lack of color.

by falling_soup 12/31/2012

written by falling_soup

is it time for me too go yet? can I fade away too black and disappear? I am a lack of color. I have no reason too stay everything is just black and white too me. sometimes there are hints of color but mostly there are very short and if not rare. I am sinking in to a deep dark whole of emptiness. I am sick and tired of fighting this battle. Not a single day goes by were I wish I could die…. there are those who love and care about me and that is whats keeping me here by a thread… I am […]

12/31/2012 0 comment

Falling apart

by falling_soup 12/30/2012

written by falling_soup

Recently I have been eating just like everyone else but making myself vomit after I have been doing this for the past week. I am developing bulimia… I can’t eat Â now with out wanting or needing too throw up. I noticed tonight at dinner that I was starting off lightly on the food and towards the end I was stuffing my face and then going to the bathroom right after. This afternoon before lunch I stuffed my face with food and then throwing up shortly after. I haven’t been cutting but instead throwing up. I do not like how every time I eat all I […]

12/30/2012 1 comment

It’s only a matter of time before I fade too black I’m no were too be found.

by falling_soup 12/30/2012

written by falling_soup

12/30/2012 0 comment

Right now…

by falling_soup 12/29/2012

written by falling_soup

Right now I would love too give up. I would love to fade away. I am done trying I am sick of living. I am not happy, I am sick of always having too grow up and be mature. I do my best too be a kid and have fun…. I’m not really that fun. I take things seriously half the time. I come on here and unwind a little bit of me is gone no more pretending like nothings wrong and I have too act okay. People who know me well enough can see right through me but most of the time I’m shut […]

12/29/2012 0 comment

Taking a deep breath…

by falling_soup 12/29/2012

written by falling_soup

I need too really clear my Â head of the thoughts of suicide that are running threw my head. I had a plan too go when I got home and the only reason I am staying here is because I am still in love with my ex boyfriend and he said he was coming too visit me and even though he hasn’t told me when I am still going too hold on until that happens I am sick of being in this unhappy relationship with the guy I am with now. with him I do not feel happy I feel very invisible and he does not […]

12/29/2012 1 comment

Hitting my head against the wall.

by falling_soup 12/28/2012

written by falling_soup

I feel like I am hitting my head against the wall and I feel like IÂ just cant keep doing this anymore… I am running on the little reasons that I have. I am done trying.. my depression has held me back for a long time…I do not want too keep fighting this battle anymore….

12/28/2012 1 comment

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