I have this rising urge to kill myself. I have a BA in English, I have a job, I’m in good health, I have friends, I come from money, and I have a loving family, so why do I want to kill myself? Good question. Lately when I let my mind wander my thoughts often turn to the concept of impressions. We all come across a certain way to people which means we all have unique character traits. It seems to me that my only character trait is that I am unlikeable. No matter what I do, and no matter how hard I try, people […]
I consider myself fairly reasonable, but lately I’ve been contemplating suicide more and more. I am a twenty-three year old man living at his mom’s house. My mom suffers serious emotional problems after my dad died in 2001. She is a good parent, and I am well taken care of at home. Our family even has a fair amount of money. Things could be worse; however, her emotional problems have become aggravated since I graduated college and returned home in December. Even though my full-time job keeps me out of the house for a majority of the day, my mere presence triggers obsessive behavior in […]
It’s late, so I apologize if the following is confusing to read. I feel trustworthy of the Suicide Project community, so I have this proposition. I want to start a correspondence with a woman on this site. I am a man, and a recent college graduate. This is not a relationship request; I just want a conversation between someone of the opposite sex. I know this is unorthodox, yet it may be perfect for providing not only me, but my correspondent with some well-overdo stress relief, and a confidence boost.
The idea struck me the other night as I was dealing with a case of food […]
I feel really abandoned. This is related to events occurring months ago, but I feel a resurgence of the emotional pain. All my friends from college save two stopped talking to me about a month or so after I graduated in December. When friends leave I usually let that happen because I know friends come and go; however, I’m twenty-three with no current future plans, so these friends were my only social network. And they just stopped communicating with me. They moved on, so I can’t blame them specifically, yet it still doesn’t change the fact that I’m upset and alone. I’m really well-meaning, and […]
Done. Nothing to live for. Not going to bother being alive anymore. I realize I have no other person in my life who cares about me. I had another awful day today, and I just realized that not a single person cares to comfort me. I ran through the list in my head. My mom is self-absorbed, and suffers from crippling emotional problems, so she is never someone I confide in because she does understand how to properly deal with other peoples’ emotions. My immediate family are rich businessmen and women, who believe that pain is for the weak. My few close friends all use […]
I want to do it. One of my friends doesn’t socialize, and sits around playing video games all day. My other friends are self-absorbed and don’t talk to me anymore because they don’t like to listen to me when I have a problem. I hate my job. I can’t go to a bar or party to take my mind off my life because my mother monitors everything about me. She reads my journals, checks my purchases on my bank account, and rifles through my room and computer when I’m not around. She says she has to do this because I don’t open up to her. […]
I can’t talk to my friends about my depression because they all gossip so much, and they don’t care. I am so sick and tired of being lonely. My friends ignore me, and I treat them with so much dignity and respect. I really do, outside this site I exhibit enormous self-control. I only let loose my emotions on this site because I consider it a safe space to do so, and in some warped way I feel more comfortable posting to a community of people who always feel this close-to-suicide sensation like me. Anyways, It’s late, so forgive my poor grammar. Venting on this […]
An email I chose not to send (altered to maintain anonymity):
I am going stir crazy. I really want to see you, but I can’t find a good excuse. Mom is psychologically abusing me, and I don’t think I can take it much longer. She constantly monitors me. She waits until there is no noise coming out of my room before she falls asleep. I don’t even think she sleeps most days. That would explain her insane need for productivity. I have no one to talk to at home who will listen to me and support me. I am trying to see my therapist here without […]
I don’t know. I just don’t know. I go onto Facebook, and look for people from my high school, and I hope that some of them turned out to be failures in life because I want them to feel that awful painful loneliness. I feel that way. I have friends, and I have a good family, and I am relatively well-off, but I feel so alone. I’m ‘meta’. People get stuck with being themselves: that friend who always womanizes and gets around a lot will always do so without shame. I don’t feel that way. I am able to look deep into people and completely […]
Apologies for the incoherence; what follows is a personal rant:
Do it. Take away my friends. I’m paranoid as hell right now, and I don’t think I can take being calm and under control. Twist the truth, and turn others against me. Be like B., and J., and R., and all those other f**** that lied about you behind your back to try and make you into a monster when you returned to college. In a better mood I support you, I do my best to convince myself that you are a good person, and now I’m so tired and paranoid I don’t know what to […]
Why can’t I seem to find another person who is also stuck spinning on his or her wheels like me? That’s what I want to know.
If not that, then how come I feel like I’m the only person who has ever felt this way? I can’t talk to other people about how I feel because from my experience people don’t seem to get what I’m talking about. No one I’ve ever met gets mad and upset and blue the way I do.
I am posting this so I can find someone who feels the same way. Reply if you know how it feels to be lost.
I have thought a lot about one of the reasons I am so lonely, and realize that I believe in all the beautiful things. I love the way the sky looks on a clear night, or the colors in a sunset, or a peaceful forest during the day. Most people in modern society find those things ‘corny’, or ‘sappy’, and would discount them or those who believe in them. I am lonely because I made a choice to love those beautiful, strange, slightly-spiritual aspects of the universe. It feels like this way of life leaves one completely alone, which is true save the select group […]
I am a recent college graduate. I want to go on Facebook, and message this person from my year, and tell her that my life has been a lot of bullshit since graduation. I know this is a bad idea for a number of reasons. I just really want someone to tell me that their life has been a lot of bullshit as well. I just want to make a connection with someone. In truth, I have two good friends, but they don’t like to listen to my problems. They also spend most of their time absorbed in video games, and while I am a […]