this tightening in my chest won’t go away. that anxiety eating away at my back won’t go away. my paranoia that my friends don’t really care about me won’t go away. im so sick of it. im so sick of myself. im so sick of constantly needing and asking validation, but i cant help it bc if i dont get it i just get worse and worse. im so sick of people misunderstanding what im feeling or what i want. im so sick of that fact i cant properly communicate what i want to people. im so sick of people thinking its okay to leave […]
Yknow, I always thought I was better. Always thought “this time I’m happy now, actually though.” I thought I finally knew what is was like to be loved by your friends and appreciated. To finally feel important to the people around me as much as they’re important to me.
It was all fucking bullshit.
Every time I stand back and look around I realize how little I actually seem to matter to the people around me. I know this is me putting them in a negative viewpoint, but it’s the honest truth. I’m never the first person they reach out to. I’m never one of the first […]
we’re all going to die one day. i look at my future and know that one day i’ll die. my existence and sufferings in this world will end and years into the future even the evidence that i existed will be gone. so like, what’s wrong with just doing it now?
i hate that this puts a low viewpoint on my friends but i genuinely think they’ll be fine after im gone. recently someone i used to be extremely close to, but then had to cut off, died and all i felt was guilt and then apathy. they’re no longer part of this world, but i […]
Most of my suicidal thoughts or tendencies come from the fact that I constantly feel an overwhelming feeling of loneliness no matter what i do, no matter who im with, and no matter where i am. it follows me like my shadow and is always constantly there no matter how much i shake it off. but recently (as in the past two years or so) i’ve started struggling with the lost of a purpose in life.
im a college sophomore, and i know i should be grateful and think of myself as lucky because im able to get a higher education. but i actually dreaded going […]
I’ve always had this uneasy feeling of loneliness ever since I was a kid. There was just a point where I looked up at recess and realized I had nobody to play with. Sure, I had friends in that class, but none of them would spend time with me in recess. That was the first time I cried from the extreme feeling of loneliness.
It’s been years since I cried on that playground corner. I feel like I’ve grown, I’ve stepped away from the corner and sought out to make friends. If no one asks to hang out with me, I’ll ask them to hang out! […]
I try to always see the good in people, I know people usually people aren’t actively trying to hurt me and feel like shit, but little by little they’re cutting away at my sanity. I am already a person with such low self esteem, I always feel like I’m a second-choice and that I generally annoy people even though my friends always try to convince me that they don’t think that way. But the thing is, actions speak louder than words. They can look me dead in the eyes and tell me I am the closest friend they have in the world, but then it […]
I don’t like college. There’s nothing for me here.
But I don’t wanna go home, there’s nothing for me there.
There’s nothing for me anywhere.
Why am i still here?
people love asking the question why
friends, family, peers, teachers, everyone always fucking asks you why you do anything
why did i get a bad grade
why was i crying
why would i get angry
why am i like this
and i dont fucking know
i dont know why everyday i stare at my door and wonder if i have enough time to chug a bottle of pills before anyone would notice
i dont know why i lock myself in my room and cry
i dont know why i loathe everything about myself from my looks to my personality to the fact ive been on this website for years
people always say reach out and […]
it’s been a little over a year since i was here
i thought i got better
i thought i was getting better
maybe that was just wishful thinking. i wanted to get better. i pretended i felt better.
i’m so tired. i’m so done with everything. with school, with family, with friends, with life.
i cry and nobody understand why, sometimes i dont even understand why.
im such a burden and everyone, but if i leave itll just be a bigger burden on their conscious.
i just
i just want to feel better.
she’s so disappointed in me
but i am too
Unconditional love is when someone loves you no matter what. There is no limit to their love.
When people think of unconditional love, they usually think of their lover or maybe their friends.
I have no lover, and I know the love my friends give me is limited. If I ever step a toe out of line, if I say one wrong word, if I fuck up badly enough, I know they would abandon me.
Why do I know that?
Because it’s happened before.
There is one person -besides God, but I’d rather not bring religion into this- who loves me unconditionally. And that is my mother.
My father only loves […]
A – What is expected of us. Something deemed easy to get as long as you try.
B – Good. Decent. Try a bit harder next time.
C – Didn’t you studying? Why aren’t you trying?
D – What’s wrong with you.
F – You failure.
Why is it, that our entire lives, are based off these five letters? Why can a grade make or break your entire future? Why do we spend 12 years of our life stressing over how important these letters our, only to learn that they don’t matter so much once we’re in the ‘real world’?
Because no matter what, letters on a paper are just that. […]
I have this friend, for privacy reasons I’ll call her Jane.
Jane victimizes herself. If you don’t know what that mean, it basically means that in any situation she is always the victim. She’s the one who’s been wronged and she’s never wrong. Of course, that isn’t true, we’ve ALL been wrong at one point or another, but she just won’t admit it.
So at the moment we’re in a huge fight, and I really want to remain being friends with her, but she’s driving me insane. I have explained so many times why I’m mad, and she just doesn’t ‘get it’. She keeps telling me I’m […]
I’m tired of always initiating conversations, and never willingly talked to.
I’m tired of being the one to invite them, and they don’t even consider inviting me.
I’m tired of sacrificing my free time planning for us to hang out, and then be ignored when we’re together.
I’m tired of always listening to their troubles and soothing them, and be ignored when I’m sad myself.
I’m tired of the fact that everything I do is hypocritical, and that they are always right.
I’m tired of being told I matter, even though they do all these things to me.
I’m tired of having friends that make me feel like shit and let […]