JackN182

Every day I wake up to this hell scape I’m supposed to call a home, it completely horrific and unbearable. It’s been this way for my whole life, the terror, the constant feeling of drowning or unable to breathe. I just want it all to end, but it never does. I don’t know how people do it, go on about their lives as if  the world isn’t falling in on it self. It’s scary, I feel so alone and desolated from everyone, it feels like I’m the only one seeing and experiencing this. I’m tired and mentally exhausted, I just want someone to acknowledge what […]

I realized I’m very sick , I’ve been living this fake life trying to pretend to be normal. I try to to fit in have a normal life but in reality it’s just not try to end up hospitalized or worst dead. I realize this is all I am and will eventually be is dead. I remember that I lie and fake being fine and functioning like having a job but it’s cover for me being broken. I’ll honestly would have killed myself if I didn’t. But the idea of being hospitalized is worst. So I do things like lie, say I’m fine without the […]

So here I am at rock bottom again, not a coincidence 1 year ago on this exact day , I thought of trying to kill my self too. So here I am , what do to do. It’s not like I haven’t tried before. I just wish it got me somewhere better than here. I don’t belong here, alive I mean , here with all of you. I’m a mistake that was never supposed to be , but no one understands. All they want is me to continue living for their sake. What about mine?!? It is not selfish to die if you […]

I’m the type of person to kill them self and people’s reactions would be “ he’s seemed happy and perfectly fine, he had plenty of friends and family. There were no warning signs or concerns.” And they never saw it coming.

It’s been two months since my failed overdose and I currently still feel like shit. I got a huge headache and I feel like my body is going through withdrawals. This is the worst, I need something to ease the pain.

I shouldn’t be alive , I shouldn’t be fucking alive. This is all fucking pointless. Just let me die already please. I’ve tried so many times that there has to be a reason for me still being here yet I get no fucking answer. I’m stressed the fuck out , exhausted and mentally drained. I don’t wanna do this anymore. It’s just not worth it anymore at this point.

Jesus Christ just a week ago I tried to off myself and now I got a new job. I thought this job would be fun and give me a reason or hope to keep living but it’s more or less of the same. It’s fucking exhausting and my anxiety level is at an eleven. I’m scared and weak and afraid I can’t do this and I should give up and just die. I’m wasting my youth, I have no idea where I’m heading in life and I’m a failure. I have a good soul and try so hard to be a good person but it’s […]

I’m not even trying to get high anymore, I’m literally admitting to myself that I’m trying to die. I’m taking the overdose amount of pills as an excuse to get high but in reality i know it’s actually killing me because I really am trying to kill myself at this point.

I’m in a psychotic episode, psychosis . I can’t feel what is real or not.

I’m literally gonna explode. I want to screams so fucking bad but my family is around so I don’t arouse suspicions that something is wrong. I’m gonna have a heart attack and pills or meditation isn’t going to do shit. Even venting on here isn’t relieving it. Oh my god this so fucking painful.

Imagine you outliving everyone around you. Watching the people you care about, friends, family, all die one by one until you’re the only one left. Now you’re all alone. That’s why old people are so depressed and suicidal. I’m so young yet I feel like I lived for an eternity. I’m not suicidal all the time but somedays I’m like fuckkkk. I have to do this shit again?

my life is been a loop. For years I’ve been suicidal but as time goes on I forgot why. So I kept living for 6 more years still with suicidal tendencies. Some days I forget about my depression but it always come back. But looking into the past revealed the truth. I’m not supposed to be alive right now. I’ve been talking to a ghost the whole time. I just wanted be with her, be loved by her but she’s been gone for a long time. I don’t want to live without her. I can’t. I won’t survive because there’s nothing left for me. No […]

Is it stupid to commit suicide over someone? Like someone you can’t live without. For the most part have all the family and friends in the world that I could need. But there’s a part of me that is empty without this person. I’m incomplete without them. I’m alone without that person. The emptiness is no longer there with I’m with her but she’s gone and feel like I should go too.

I had a terrible dream last night. It’s where I had a new girlfriend that is way more abusive than my ex. It was awful. Being miserable and abused in real life and when I’m unconscious.

Odd that I find more comfort here than talking to people in real life about my problems.

I hate someone that I love. The reason I hate that person is because they made me love them. Stop playing with my life god.

There’s a another jack on this website so I guess I’m jack #2. I really don’t want to wake up tomorrow, this is just a circle and completely pointless. Why is happiness so hard to reach, meanwhile sadness is so hard to get rid of. Sometimes life feels like a sick joke. People that I care about dies but I get to live? I didn’t ask for this , take it back cause I don’t want it.

Ah a place where I can actually talk and interact with people. I usually talk to myself. Or write about it. It’s been what two years since my last attempt. 100 benzodiazepines pills down the hatch. At first it was scared out of my mind, then a minute later I’m like “oh well” . it was nice, peaceful. I actually could breathe. I closed my eyes and fall into a abyss. Then I woke up next morning, you don’t understand how awful I felt. Not from the meds, but from failing. It was a horrible feeling. Next morning I was dizzy all day and felt […]