A few days ago, very depressed, I went for a walk in search of a bridge. I’m in a new city and do not know where anything is. I traveled down a deadend road and wouldn’t you know it, I find train tracks. Not only that, I see a train coming. This was it. Here was my chance. To finally end it all after nearly twelve years of suffering with severe depression and suicidal thoughts and attempts. I waited on the train tracks as the train neared. But as I waited, all I could think about was the fact that I have terrible luck and […]
Hello SP friends. I had planned on signing off tomorrow, but see, my fiance has an important job interview the next day. He told me if I were to do anything tomorrow, he’d never be able to go through with the interview and he’d be screwed over, as well as without me in the world. So I decided I won’t do it tomorrow so that he can get his job. I’ll just have to find another day to do it. Until then, I’m listlessly floating through life, spending all of my free time sleeping. Maybe I should be more social? If anyone needs someone to […]
Depression is nothing new for me. Neither is anxiety. But lately I find I am irritable and angry. I get annoyed over every little thing and I imagine I’m driving the very few people I have, absolutely mad. What is one to do?
Hello everyone. I am here to ask for your council. All I want to do is die. Today, I have the means to possibly accomplish this but I don’t know if I should try. There are so many factors. First problem is, I’m supposed to work tonight and all weekend. If I carry out my plan, if I were to fail, I’d be completely out of it for days. That’s another problem; failing. If I fail I’d be sent to a behavioral health unit. There are two reasons I don’t want this. One: I’ve been in them before and they don’t work (plus I work […]
Sometimes I can’t help but think that depression is such a selfish thing. A logical part in my brain tells me that ‘it’s a chemical imbalance’, but the self-hating part of me tells me I’m a horrible person. I mean, there are starving people out there, people without homes. I have a home (though sometimes I struggle to pay rent) and I don’t usually starve, though I am now. No money to pay bills and pay for food and whatnot. But anyhow, that’s really the extent of my worries. Money and some life decisions I’ve made recently. And I know my poor upbringing doesn’t help […]
…I feel less and less motivation to do anything. I’ve stopped going to classes, appointments, meetings with friends. The only thing I actually do is go to work. Normally I would proceed as usual because I’m always aware there is a possibility my suicide will fail and I will be left with the consequences of shrugging off my school work and such. But something tells me that this time will work and if it doesn’t…I might finally say “fuck it” and jump off a building even though it could potentially lead me to become a vegetable. How am I going to get my ass back […]
I’m excited.
Hello everyone.
Yes, I’m still here.
I was about to do it but called a very important person to say goodbye. Someone I love very much. Someone I had once but do no longer. They told me that they couldn’t be with me if I was gone. So with that little bit of hope, I put the bottle away. I still have my suicide date set for the day after Thanksgiving (how ironic), but for now, I’m hanging in there.
Thank you to everyone who answered my last post. It meant a lot to me.
Hello SP,
Well…I thought someone should know. Maybe that way, someone could care. Perhaps.
I had planned my suicide for the end of November, but current circumstances has bumped the date up to tonight. The plan is to overdose. Now in case this doesn’t work out, I have a school paper I have to finish and email to my professor so if I do fail, I don’t screw up the rest of my life (such as school). But I can only hope that this works. I took off of work tomorrow morning so that, in case I fail, I don’t have to come in. I’ll be too […]
I think I’ve finally got my plans in order.I have Thanksgiving break off of college. Thursday, Thanksgiving, I have to work for Job #1. I’m supposed to work all that week for job #2. But my plan is to take family medical leave for Job #2, meaning I only have to work Thanksgiving. The rest of break I can ask of from Job #1 no problem. That means I have between Friday and Sunday to do it. Hopefully Friday because if I fail, I’ll be groggy and unable to function for a couple days. But I hope I don’t fail.
My only regret is that it’s […]
My last person for support has officially lost patience with me. I’m completely and utterly alone.
As many of us do, I want to commit suicide. Always have since I was about ten years old. I’m 21 now. I have a plan. I have the materials I require. I have my two, short notes written out and sealed in envelopes. But there’s a problem. See, I work at a hospital every other week. And the week that I don’t work there I do home health care with a family that I’m very close to. I know I can’t commit suicide on a whim because I can’t just not show up for work the next day. I’d have to actually plan a […]