kupo95

I have a long string of failures following me. I should just turn that mother fucker into noose and just end it.

I can’t get over how I told my mother I was suicidal when the shit hit the fan and she like waved it off. Its been over a year since everything and she decided to bring it while I was in a good mood. Its like she only brought up to make sure she got something off her chest. Throwing blame and trying to become a victim of somthing. While I sat there saying yep I wanted kill myself to still kinda do. Depends […]

It has been a very long time since I posted in here.

But I really want to cut or hang myself right now , or get a belt and wrap it around my neck until I pass out .

Since I last post I have a wonderful loving boyfriend whos birthday is tomorrow. He his the the only reason why I have not or will off myself.

I have been living with my uncle and aunt for three months. I only came back in town because my boyfriend wanted me back in Chicago. I been home for maybe three weeks.

My mother lies about illnesses for attention and both […]

So the walls that I build from the depression are not high. But, tall enough to shield me from it’s grasp. That I could get out of bed I can of some out look on life.

But  week before the last was hard and I was venting to a friend. This last week was hard but enjoyable .

But as I am enjoying my Tuesday evening waiting for my home made pot pie to cook. My mother comes home and tells me that she heard from my friend that I wanted to kill myself and I’m  depressed.

And you know what at that moment I didn’t want to […]

My mom told me today  to be nice to my friend and invite her over to hang out. Because she watched thirteen reasons and she is keeping in eye on her. She doesn’t want me to be in a tape lmao.

This was the most ironic thing I heard in awhile. She is keeping my friend in mind but here I am. Lmao

Oh well

I went a funeral today to a well know and loved woman . I am friend to many of here grandkids and children . I seen them cry and wrap and I cry a lil bit myself . not so much for this woman but for her family she held such a good place in so many people I know hearts . such kind story’s of her .

But I thought of. If I died or killed my self would I get a turn out like this . I thought no , not if I killed my self . but if I were just to die […]

I just what to die . nothing in my life can go right . just when I think I am happy a can see a life in front of me even if it just a few months in to the future. It is pulled right under my feet .

I did everything right for the past five years . I’m am rewarded with misery and miss placed trust. I was going back to nothing misery and heavily suicidal . and if he was to call me up and say no it’s not my girlfriend . I was going back while others in my own home was […]

I’m weird because I used a word like acquaintance. I’m not nice because I Think a stranger asking how much money I made is offense full.

I’m a a weird because I speak proper English and I was educated. I’m a ***** because I don’t play dumb. I think to highly of myself if I don’t want raise onther woman kids. “I’m 22 years old get real that’s the only people out there .”

I’m stupid for thinking I would not have to pretend to get married . but I have to lie because I am weird and stupid.  Becuse I wolnt get married if I don’t […]

I have so much sadness in my heart ….and f. maybe anger too I don’t know why . this depression just will not leave my body . nothing in my life right now it so bad to wake up like this .

My eyes are hard and dull like the dead.

I hate looking at my reflection.

My father was ready to wip me today because I was taking to long to get out of bed and my family was going to church.

I see no reason, my life is sin no way around it .  I’m going to die go to hell and I am going to die alone .

I should make every one call me Silvia 2.0. Beacuse I’m end up like her fat and alone forever no kids no nothing .

I really just want to die .i should cut my leg up no one is going to […]

It’s almost a year since I have been on this site .

I’m a worthless coward .

I will be 22 years old. I kinda do the same things as normal 22 year old. Besides being divorced and looking for future husband because I’m old .very soon all my siblings and friends will have kids …I will be lucky if I have some one I text.

I know I’m not gonna die soon . I’m not special in anyway, not gonna be special ever to say my life is worth somthing .

I posted I will just get married and have kids .every body said I don’t have some […]

I can’t handle seeing my ex and his wife .

Some one told me once that God made Jesus with feelings and emotions. so who am I to repress those feelings and emotions.

Well I am defenlty not Jesus .

I have to hide so much feelings I have no hope in my heart. I have sadness not so much anger anymore.

I wish I were dead I would do it but I’m coward now that I found such easy method.

I am so fucking worthless.

I have to tell myself repress it .get married to anyone reproduce repeat this cycle with them it’s my job as woman on this earth […]

My parents are killing each other because my little brother is being a prick.

9 days till my birthday I am alone 13 days till valentines day. to add to this day I already hated because of personal reasons. I will go threw being out of relation .

I always Got jealous of people killing them self on there birthdays . I’m a triplet so I don’t wanna ruin the day for them .

I was gonna argue with this girl who is spreading rumors on me . I think I rather not since I wanna kill myself who cares if I am snake in the grass, home […]

I have no idea why but after my ex eloped yesterday. My constant anxiety and self-loathing Suicidal Thoughts have been like cut down 90% .

My heart hurts a lil bit but I’m really fine that he got married to a garbage can of a girl . it hurts to say because she was once my friend but still.

Its weird today I really did not want to die . I was kinda happy, I think .

My ex eloped with a girl who wiped my trears about him . fuck this world

I have never been so excited for the new year yet so upset about it.

I for some reason have high expectations for this new year , but I also just like want to die as well ….Christmas ever I made 13 cuts into my thigh .

I can’t wait for the new year but I keep planing my death after the holidays . then I keep worring about the inconvenience it will be for my family for the rest of the year .

The guy I kind liked basicly came out and said he wants to marry my cousin went in my phone and got the number […]

I just want to slash my wrist wide open I’m cutting again but cutting my thighs don’t feel the same . I’m tired of waking feeling so useless and hopeless and wishing I were dead . I don’t hate my life style it’s not the worst …but I hate who I am I was a bad person to play the role that is kupo .

The only reason I got out of bed today was to cut myself . I wish I were dead .

Also any one that  physically drags there feet should be shot in the face with a shot gun .

(edit ,Never fucking mind  the fucking asshole I messed around with a few months ago with just called me up in front of my crush .I want to for he is going to tell him what I did . omg I am Really not allowed to be okay wow. I am so fucked he is gonna hate me why did I do that why . fuck just when I’m happy fuck this shut is why I’m gonna cut . fuck

Well the  last two days have been hell on earth for me . I am living with a girl I know since I have been 14 …she […]

My god mother’s mom passed away .so I have to go to Florida for two days for the wake .

I don’t want to go at all, I hate Florida so much hate the people there I hate the smell of the air  .

I like my cousin and her baby but there weird and I might not see them .

But why I am really posting is because I am being forced to go to because ,”all the people who talked about you and said you are emo, you will show them your your perfect and happy”.

(Btw emo means suicidal and selfharm ) in a nice way […]