I want to go home. Please let me go home.
So here I am replying to a post offering a suggestion to someone and I am back here disgusted and hurt. I gave up trying anymore and am just hanging in there… accepting that I can’t find a place that’s comfortable. I have been alone for a long time. Tried to change, tried to adapt, but just not able to find a place where I am accepted and feel welcome … hoping for trust and love would be to much to even ask for… So keeping it basic and can’t even get that. Not sure how to keep on going this time around. Super sad […]
So fucking pissed off.
GD mother fucking people. I have had fucking enough. All they want to do is fuck you, play fucking real “games” and hurt you in any way they can to make you fucking miserable. Always fighting for my right to fucking exist with some fucking respect. Fucking people are evil. I have had fucking enough. No fucking good reason to keep going on like this. None. No fucking breaks in between just one continuous fucking battle after another. It’s fucking enough and all this fucking bullshit about karma. Yea okay right, may all the mother fuckers get what they deserve, but […]
Fuck all of this
Been a long time since I posted here. I wish I could say it was because things were going okay, but that is not the case. One person can only handle so much. Thing don’t always get better, but they can always get worse. That’s where I have been and that’s where I am at… a continuous downward cycle of abuse, disrespect and bullying. That’s been my life. Too many bad choices and surrounded by cruel people. Living with my poor choices is not easy. There should be forgiveness for mistakes and there is none. Just the wicked never rest or walk away. I have […]
the pain and heartache. no one really cares your supposed to get over it. even if the pain and abuse and mistreatment continues no more crying no more tears life goes on, sure not like this
where did it all go so wrong. it wasn’t just one event but a build up a slow etching away of humanity and life, you take away this and I settle for that. then this and this and this and that is gone. Wait there is more to lose and I settle for that…no that is not enough this is gone too and even more…no walks in the park, no hugging your dog no gong to work and put up with the regular BS, no family to talk to, no face to recognize…. NOTHING left of value or importance, what left too look forward too
I am sick of crying every day! big people don’t cry, right? Sick of it !!! Tired of all the BS. I really want to go on with my life I really do but something is always at the heart, major issue!!!! I have thought about suicide since I was a child and being molested by both parents….took my virginity…thanks Dad. I know, no one wants to hear about sexual & mental abuse, too uncomfortable, oh well, its out there every day !!!! The stats are highly under reported and disgusting. I moved to this apartment because there is a garage and that is a really […]
No more tears and no more trying. Trying – what does that mean? – Trying to find a place to fit in, trying to find some peace – just a comfortable place in this life – not looking for perfection or paradise – just a comfortable place … it just doesn’t exist anymore! So why keep trying enough of the pain, enough of the hardship, enough of the harassment, threats and harm. Enough of trying.
I look back at my life and consider how did it come to this. I used to be okay, how did it change – bit by bit over 20 years – but, not now too much agony […]
suicide is not easy, and it is not cowardly. cowards may commit suicide to get out of the trouble, but for the majority its hard, scary and the final option….hopefully painless. I give up.  I am so very tired. Life just isn’t worth fighting for any more. Tired of being a victim. No matter how I fight back I just keep loosing. Keep getting pushed back and down.  I was sexually abused as a child….lots of therapy …..oh, I forgot, I am supposed to be a survivor. the wicked never rest and no rest for the weary.  These bits and pieces may not make too much sense, but wanted to put […]
The every day has become so petty. It is such a struggle to put up the front of being “okay” with the way things are when it all seems, and often is, so meaningless. It takes courage to walk away from a job and security without a backup plan. How do I look at myself and decide what I can do that makes me feel good…maybe a long forgotten chidhood dream can be pursued. It seems easy to be surrounded by selfish and weak people and hard to find people supportive and caring.Â
Suicide is not easy; Although many people say that it is.  It […]
I have been reading some of the stories which describe such deep pain that I wish I didn’t feel. I am tired of feeling. I am tired of being an outcast and a victim. My mother and my father sexually abused me as a child. However, they always appeared as the “good” churchgoing couple for the last 30 years plus. How do some people live a life of hypocrisy and crime, get away with it and even prosper? I didn’t remember the abuse until years later. Although, through the years there were hints, signs and flashes until it finally came together and I chose to deal with the […]