I wonder how my shitty friends and rapist are doing being able to go to school and finish their degrees and accomplish their dreams right now? They don’t care the depression they put me through one bit. I bet they’re happy poor little depressed girl is not there to put a damp to their party. I bet others that don’t know of all the struggles my life has put me through laugh at how much of a failure I am. I bet all their futures look so bright while I sit here dim and dull wishing an everlasting night. Oh if I had known that […]
No one listens to anyone anymore, sure they hear so that they are able to grasp a rough idea of what goes on in their environment but no one actually takes the time to truly listen. To do more than observe a situation but to try to grasp how it must be to be within that environment and try to envisage the emotions that might be evoked so as to truly understand the complexities of what goes on in the world. Nothing is just black or white, we are all contrasting shades of grey. That’s one of my biggest problems I guess, I feel as […]
All this stress from not wanting to be alive anymore, to fake friends , no real emotional support, my rape, my rape case going up into smoke and having to still continue living when my suicide attempt wasn’t successful has been weighing me down the whole year. Today for two minutes I find some kind of solace, or peace that felt was the closest thing to feeling celestial I could achieve (considering I don’t believe in God, heaven or hell). Then I find out then I’m about to flunk out of school and that numbing misery is re-injected into my soul to disinfect the small […]
I hate that my “friends” are all friends with my rapist – they claim not to be but they very obviously are. Always talking to him, laughing with him, partying with him, visiting his place, cooking for him at one point fucking him. I wish they could see how deteriorating this is. Its not enough to say I should be the one to say don’t hang out with him. if some guy that you say you’re only acquaintances with rapes you’re friend you get rid of the guy. Don’t make excuses as to why you continue to get close to him and apologise and continue […]
I receive no justice for my rape, no friends to comfort or care about me, failed hopes and dreams, a family who have no understanding or provide no solace for the pain I have been through and no love to somehow be my hero and rescue me form hellish existence. Somehow I’m suppose to live and persevere through the misery and turmoil I suffer through now for some false pretense of a better future. FUCK THAT!!! I’m tired of seeing life as precious as they do. I’m tired of living by their rules. I’m getting my escape and I don’t give a fuck whose fake […]
Ever since my suicide attempt I have felt so demotivated about life. I live solely so that I don’t break my mother’s heart again because she would like me to choose life. But I’m so miserable being alive I sometimes find it selfish that she wants me alive despite the fact it is not my will. I feel like I’m in constant emotional pain and turmoil. I know life isn’t suppose to be always roses but I doubt it is suppose to feel like a horror of knives either. I’m not feeling motivated to work so I’m starting to do badly in school but I […]