Author

maddie_kay

I’m here again. Not for long

by maddie_kay 6/18/2019

written by maddie_kay

I got fired from my job. Some randome guy started yelling racial slurs at me and yelles “you fucking *****” over and over because he came into the store 2 minutes before closing and we had nothing left to sell. Something broke inside me and I swore at him. I was immediately told to take 2weeks of unpaid leave. Its now been 3 weeks and my bosses havent responded.

My only friends were at that job. Ive been there for 3 years and now. Poof. My boyfriend was at that job. We’ve been together for almost 2 years now. We just got into a fight […]

6/18/2019 4 comments

Im garbage and that is all

by maddie_kay 10/1/2018

written by maddie_kay

I was helping some newish people at work last night. This girl was doing extra work for no reason, i told them nicely that they didnt need to do that (didnt explain that we didnt have time to clean that spot for ao long, we were pretty busy).The chick stared at me, mumbled and continued to take her sweet ass time. Im tired of being disrespected. Im a senior worker. I thought that would mean something to someone, but it never does. It just makes me over think my life. Ive stayed up all night. I coulsnt sleep so now i had to go have […]

10/1/2018 1 comment

Welp

by maddie_kay 8/12/2016

written by maddie_kay

So my ex decided to drop off huge boxes of my belongings to me in a parking lot. Of course, he had friends in the car so naturally when he started throwing the boxes at me, they started laughing. Then when they drove away, the ***** in the front seat yelled “it was nice to meet you” and they laughed as they drove away. I’m done. Just done. I have enough pills to severely brain damage me. I don’t think i can wait to buy enough to kill me

8/12/2016 8 comments

Looking at friends’ lives

by maddie_kay 7/27/2016

written by maddie_kay

One of my old high school friends just got married. Another one is getting married and having a baby. Now I just keep wondering if things happened because of choices I made or because I’m just meant to be alone and empty. After a while of only getting shit thrown at you, you start thinking that you’re part of some fucked up plan.

7/27/2016 4 comments

Dont half-ass a suicide attempt

by maddie_kay 6/24/2016

written by maddie_kay

From experience, I’d recommend you make up your mind before hand. Either don’t try anything at all, or go all the way.
Half-assing it will definately:
1) Screw up your organs
2) Freak you out
Or 3) a little bit of both
A few weeks back I decided to take a bunch of my Tramadol. Stopped after only taking a few, and holy crap. Would not recommend it. Got super stoned. I don’t know if it’s because I’m not used to Opiods or what, but when it kicked in everytime I blinked it felt like the room was spinning. I had to literally prop myself […]

6/24/2016 10 comments

Tonights the night

by maddie_kay 6/7/2016

written by maddie_kay

Screw timing, doing it tonight. In about 2 hours and 13mins. Gonna die like a druggie, under a bridge. Oh well, that’s what I get for not planning shit. Sorry for all my annoying posts. I basically used this site to *****. Bye bye everyone. Hope things turn out the way you want

6/7/2016 7 comments

More shit in my life

by maddie_kay 5/23/2016

written by maddie_kay

Once in a while my cousin would visit. She was one of the only people outside my immediate family thay still talked to me. Turned out, everytime she came to visit, she was just stealing my makeup. At first I thought maybe I was misplacing things, but then I realized everytime she went home I’d notice something else missing. When I confronted her about it, she didn’t try to deny it. She just up and left our house.

My ex texted me about 2 months ago. He was complaining about how he’s alone and can’t find anyone he wants to date. As soon as I […]

5/23/2016 0 comment

Welp. That didnt work

by maddie_kay 5/17/2016

written by maddie_kay

Took one pill the night before to calm my nerves. Guess it was a bad one, made me vomit all day long. I couldn’t stomache anything, let alone my 16 pills. Try again this Sunday I guess

5/17/2016 2 comments

2 more nights

by maddie_kay 5/14/2016

written by maddie_kay

That Christmas I left, something broke that I couldn’t fix. I knew it, you knew it. But I forced you to stay, to try and work things out. I should’ve known better than to force you into something. I have 2 days left, you won’t say anything though. You think I’m saying things for attention. You’re so hard headed. I miss you, so much. Won’t you let me try to fix this. I’d do anything for you. I wish you’d understand how much I love you, how much I need you in my life. I don’t remember your voice anymore. Just your laugh. 2 more […]

5/14/2016 1 comment

According to mommy dearest…

by maddie_kay 5/2/2016

written by maddie_kay

According to my mother, I “ruin everything” and I knit pick, which must be why my boyfriend left me.

The first comment, she made yesterday when I didn’t want to wrap my grandma’s birthday presents. I didn’t see the point in wrapping them since my grandma was sitting 2 feet from me at the time and she’d already briefly looked at them. Not to mention, I felt like shit, which is a given because i always feel like shit. So that made me “a ruiner”.

Then today, me and my mom were walking down the street and I told her that we had to cross to […]

5/2/2016 5 comments

Welp. I guess im at this point now

by maddie_kay 4/20/2016

written by maddie_kay

So I’ve been taking a shower like, once every 3days. Same with brushing my teeth. Been sleeping either a lot or not at all. I didn’t even realize the shower and brushing my teeth thing until my mom pointed it out. I guess im just not noticing time passing. Never thought I’d get this bad though

Ive been crying almost everyday, begging god to make everything go back to normal. Every once in a while my ex texts me, then i get my hopes up and i think “thank you god, he’s giving me another chance”. Then he just suddenly stops replying, and i realize that […]

4/20/2016 4 comments

Just complaining about stupid shit

by maddie_kay 4/8/2016

written by maddie_kay

I guess im using this site as a kind of diary…for rants…rant diary…heh
So last August/September my boss said it was getting hard for him to pay me because of taxes etc and asked if I’d be ok with getting paid off the books. I said sure, if it’d make things easier for him. I just wanted to keep my job and he said he’d keep paying me the minimum wage.
Some personal shit happened in October with one of my coworkers, she went around telling people that I was planning to murder my boyfriend and called the police on me, then started antagonizing me […]

4/8/2016 7 comments

So I got my Tramadol

by maddie_kay 4/1/2016

written by maddie_kay

So I got it, but aparently it’s made by a company in India lol. The only complaints I’ve seen about it are that it’s a little weaker than its supposed to be, though it still works sooo…yay. Tested one out a little while ago. Waiting to see any effects. It had a strong smell though, don’t know how to describe it. I guess it just smelled…old? And I guess I’m gonna keep having updates until I decide to end things.

4/1/2016 4 comments

Just bought my supplies

by maddie_kay 3/24/2016

written by maddie_kay

Just bought the pills to help me end things. Should be here by Monday. What should I do in my final week on Earth? I would spend time with the one I love, but I’m dead to him already. I guess I’ll try to go to the beach.

3/24/2016 9 comments

Any experiences with opiates?

by maddie_kay 3/14/2016

written by maddie_kay

Anyone wanna describe how they felt when taking opiates (or synthetic opiates) for the first time? Just ordered some Tramadol and I’ve never taken any kind of drugs before, so I was just curious. Also heard that drinking after taking them increases the feeling of intoxication. Is that true?

3/14/2016 4 comments

Yaaay Internet

by maddie_kay 3/5/2016

written by maddie_kay

So, I’ve kinda figured out how to get some drugs online using Tor (I think…lol). Think I’ll go away sometime next month. Maybe go to California, go to some amusement parks and then poof. I’m out of this shit hole

3/5/2016 13 comments

Just took some pills

by maddie_kay 12/21/2015

written by maddie_kay

Ok. So the maximum amount of cough pills youre supposed to take in a day is 12. I just took around 16+. Just wondering if the amount I took is lethal or what. Has anyone every done this before

12/21/2015 7 comments

Here’s a rant. Herp Derp Derp

by maddie_kay 11/19/2015

written by maddie_kay

I need to get the hell out of here.
Friend #1 called the cops on me and told them some lie about me wanting to do some murder-suicide shit to my boyfriend. I got mad at her, and she told everyone around me that lie. Because how dare I get upset, how dare I swear at her for calling the cops out of nowhere and in the middle of the night.
Now my neighbors think i’m a danger to their children and call them inside everytime I leave my house.

Then there’s Friend #2. He walks up to me at work, accompanied by his buddy, and […]

11/19/2015 2 comments

Guess I’ll stick around for a little

by maddie_kay 11/1/2015

written by maddie_kay

Welp. I’ll be 20 on November 6th. I came to this site to talk about. I don’t know. My feelings and shit I guess. To get a different perspective, that’s what I told myself. I honestly just wanted attention. My plans haven’t changed. Actually, when I had friends and someone who “loved” me, I used to say that I wanted to die. I meant it, but I knew I’d never do it. I should’ve never told them because they got tired of hearing me say that. They got tired of me.
Now there is no one. I’m empty. I feel nothing except when I think […]

11/1/2015 4 comments

What are we doing

by maddie_kay 10/27/2015

written by maddie_kay

We’re all going to die anyway. Why talk about our problems. They mean nothing in the end. There’s no point in trying to connect with or help others. There’s no point in doing any of this meaningless crap. We’ll all just cease to exist one day and our bodies will either be burned or put in a box and then put in the ground. We’re all going to disappear one day and nothing that any of us do will matter. There is no point to any of this.

I think the great majority of us on this site has realized that life is pure and […]

10/27/2015 6 comments

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