trulymindless1

I hate drinking, but it’s one of few things that calms me down as of late. I don’t drink often, maybe once every few months or so at this point, but I just had a drink and man, I feel a lot calmer…

This is why I have to limit myself, so it doesn’t become a habit.

Luckily I’m a big dude, so drunkenness doesn’t come as easily for me. Still, it’s nice to shush the bad thoughts and just chill out after work.

And yet, my mind still races.

I don’t know what to really do anymore.

I’ve driven the person I love into the arms of the perfect man for her, her words not mine.

I’m needing to find a new place to live.

I need more money or else I won’t afford anything at all.

So many things all at once. I can’t deal with this anymore.

Going back home is not an option. It will make things worse.

And yet, what the hell else can I do? I really don’t know anymore.

I can barely hold myself together. Maybe I should just get rid of everything I worked for to this point to be able to afford some […]

I don’t know what I’m even doing anymore. I obviously can’t take care of myself at all. I’ve ruined friendships, ruined any chances I’d had to improve my financial situation. I’m stuck and I know things will move further down, and I’m just trying not to drag my completely innocent roommate down with me. I don’t deserve the things I’d gotten. I deserve to be homeless and have nothing and noone because I’d gotten too much help. There are so many people who could take my situation and make it into something feasible. I’d love to switch places with them or something. Because I’m just […]

How do you know if you’re “crazy” by societal standards?

I have some medical issues that affect me on a day to day and sometimes, I hear my parents calling my name when they’re nowhere near me. I pass out a fair bit when laying down and dream about random nonsense and I guess some people I knew from the before times. Random songs I’d heard before play in my head at random and I’d like it very much to stop. I flip back and forth between okay and not okay, and I’m always stressed about money shit. I need help but I’m in […]

Hogwarts Legacy is a game I’d been anticipating for so long, and it’s finally here and it’s everything I thought it’d be and more.
In preparation, and to get myself into the world and characters, I watched the whole series this week. The story, the characters, it’s all really well done. It also helps avoid the books lol. I don’t hate reading but man, those books are a ***** for anyone who isn’t an avid reader…

I wound up in Gryffindor. I don’t consider myself brave per say, or all that courageous… if anything I figured I’d be more Ravenclaw in regards to valuing the bit […]

This panel speaks to me today. Poorly Drawn Lines is the comic, in case you want to look it up yourself.

I created an online persona initially, back when you weren’t supposed to put your real info out on the internet, to help myself. To try to improve my abilities to talk to others and try to make friends.

Never used my real name here, will continue not to for the sake of my own privacy of course. I’ve had people who want to kill me pop up before, oddly enough.

I don’t know where I’m headed with my life, This is the most pathetic I’ve been since maybe early middle school? I talk to very few people at this point, I mostly keep […]

When I get angry, I keep it to myself mostly.

I’ve snapped on my parents sometimes when I felt they aren’t listening to me, but not many others.

I keep my issues to myself mostly. As it stands, I lack money to go to the doctor to get help. I can’t pay for a therapist or anything, and I’m in the loop where too sick to work > not enough money to treat said sickness > too sick to work.

It’s fun when you want to help yourself, when you want to be responsible and keep your sick ass at home, but […]

Between the lack of sleep, monetary bullshit, and somewhat self-imposed loner life I’d lived since after college and returning home, this is the most uncertain I’ve felt in my entire life.

Feels as if everyday I slip further and further into some form of madness. I did laugh and maniacally sing a stupid little rhyme about my own misfortunes a few weeks back, so there’s that.

I miss some of the wonder and appreciation for some of the specifics when I was a young teen mostly. Felt like the stuff I learned was actually useful and being applied toward what I wanted to do in life. I […]

Laughing at my own misfortune. Feeling completely misunderstood because I lack the ability to properly explain my own problems. How am I supposed to move forward like this? A part of me stopped caring long ago, and yet, I want some form of stability finally. I’ll just have to drag myself out of me, kicking and screaming then. Sigh.

I’ve already lost a lot of myself anyway… how will I do this when I can’t afford help? I don’t know.

Messed up too many times at this point. Between having to redo my A+ cert from the beginning now, to not having enough to support myself, to being unable to find another job or take care of my own health, I keep slipping. I’m getting more and more annoyed. I can’t even properly sell anything to make a little money, because the stuff I have is outdated and I can’t get a good price for anything. I’ve needed help for months now, but I don’t know how to ask without things going wrong. I’d had mini moments of giving up followed by giving up means […]

What’s wrong with me lately?

I understand that my brain is wired differently and all that, but my god am I really such a mess in my own damn head?

I finished work and started to dread my 2nd job, I need more money, trying to get promoted, need money, drove home frustrated, need money…

Fucking stressed and angry and upset. Fuck.

I need to stop. Just calm down and stop.

I want to bang my head against a wall or a desk.

I need help financially, have to do something to fix myself.

Like I even know how to fix my own mess. Ugh.

I’m back here again, somehow.

It’s odd looking back at my ramblings, the feelings I had when I joined all those years ago, and yet despite all the changes, I’m back here again.

I wonder how the people I’d met on here are doing?

Hopefully, they found their way, like I’m trying to.

I know what this place is, why people are here, and yet, I’m back here again.
Not sure what this means, honestly. I guess I just want some of the lost souls that pass through here to find their way out. To make it out okay. My headspace […]

It’s been a long while since I’ve been around here.
A lot has changed, and yet here I am back again.
I remember writing stories here, and I read some of them and I thought about some of the people I met here all those years ago.
I guess I’m just checking in.
I’m doing better, and I hope you guys are doing better too.
I was 19 going on 20 when I started here 5-6 years ago, it’s just odd to think about.
Being here, surrounded by others who got my struggles really did help me out. Having this outlet has definitely helped me […]

I don’t celebrate Christmas, or most any holidays really. Despite that I hope you lovely people are enjoying yours, or are at least enjoying something, whether it be a break from school or work or the like…

Anyway, I’ve just been here, in my room, thinking.

As a kid, I had a sort of odd fascination with hypnosis. I watched lots of videos on it and was simply curious about how it worked. I wasn’t sure how real it was.

Then late 2018 or early 2019, I hypnotized someone. Completely by accident. I was in complete shock. Of course I tried not to mess the person up or […]

Just a heads up. This is another of my rambling, somewhat unfocused, rambling posts I tend to do. Anyways:

It’s been a while. Few months since I’ve been lurking around here.

I have my own room now, which is good. Need a bed, but I have no money so, I sleep on a flat air up mattress. Fun.

Started college, for the like 4th time overall, last month. I guess that’s good.

It’s been 4 years and I still lurk around here.. Not sure how I feel about that tbh.

I’ve more or less busied myself with class and trying to once again find work. Employment woes should hopefully end […]

Where did you go? I just hate not knowing if you’re dead or alive. It’s just the worst feeling.. It’s not like I can tell anyone irl about them. That sucks because I could use some reassurance or something. I love you both, one as a good friend, and the other as girlfriend material and that’s no lie. I feel like I’ll never be able to properly connect with people irl, never find love that way. My mind is too much of a mess at this point. It lacks cohesion. Too many random thoughts, and ideas I can’t ever properly express. Nothing helps, not writing […]