So no sooner than I started to crochet th electric went out in my flat. Great, I thought it was just meter so Geared myself up brushed myself down went out and got some electric put onto my key and even bought some food. Come back to put the hey in the meter and the fucking things is not even on! So my electrics fucked and its too late to do anything about it. I really hope it’s nothing to do with the people downstairs drilling.. I feel sick to my stomach. This crap is getting ridiculous. Just when I was starting to feel just […]
Thank you to everyone here on this site. I just wanted to say that thanks to your warmness, empathy and compassion I have today ventured out of my blackened hole (to the living room), drank some water, had a bowl of noodles and I even feel like doing some crochet. I want to learn the crocodile stitch..
Perhaps I shall even get my sketchbooks out.. A little paint.. Or ink..?
(Steady now Kim, don’t over do it..)
Seriously guys, love you.
So Einsamkeit asked me whether I had posted an introduction and whilst I have, it was not a full intro to me and my past and I did mention that later I would, so, here is my story..
My name is Kim and I am from England. My mother was 16 when she was pregnant with me and my father was in prison. My Mum had postnatal depression and she left me with my Dad when he was released. This was the only real time I ever spent with my Dad and apparently he took to it well. When my Mum was stable again she took […]
I’m worried about you. I hope you’re okay. Did you finally get it? Did you get caught? My thoughts are with you I hope you find peace.
Anyone else sick of the phrase “permanent solution to a temporary problem”? “the mess and trauma for those left behind-” please. My heart bleeds. Cunts. Nevermind quality of life, as long as we keep the stats down and more people “alive” (at their disposal) that’s all that matters right? But eugenics, war and death row that’s all fine and fucking dandy, isn’t it just?
Good luck with those stats and all.
I need to go. I dont know what to do though; I feel so weak. I just wish there was a way. My head hurts.
O that sickening, gut twisting, hot-headed feeling of disappointment and mild panic when one wakes from slumber, the only state I’m comfortable in now. There’s more to come, more to be had. Why can I not sleep forever, why must I be and feel? It’s a stupid time to wake up anyway half five in the evening, pft. Just want my conscience to slip away, gently melt from existence and every time I awake it’s the same. They are closing in on me, I fear, I must act soon.
Anyone else NOT going out tonight? Sodding weekends..
I have no money, no rope and my ceiling is too low anyway. Nothing sharp save for breaking glass but I don’t own a bath tub. Woods and gorge are a long walk through the town and I cannot stand the people. Last time I headed that way (crying) someone yelled after me questioning whether I had aids or hep C (assuming they made the assumption I’m a druggie?) the police picked me up and anyway I would have to be drunk as I’m terrified of heights and that would not bode well for the walk. Nope, will not throw myself under a bus/train/truck […]
The Revisionist
the sway and swell
flee with her motion
red-gold across my arms
the vicious strokes i painted
a river fills your heart
i’m sorry if i let you down
i know just how you feel tonight
this is never what you wanted
i was searching for myself
in other people’s eyes
the mirror’s telling half truths
the stolen words finally feel like mine
swollen and sweating
off time
i can see it in your eyes
an ocean floods my heart
i’m sorry that i let you down
Just a nonsense post really to poke my head back through the door and let people know I’m still alive.. I find it tragically ironic that some of us were talking about how sad it is that if people disappear there is no way for us to find out if they are okay.. and then my internet/data was stopped for a good few weeks >_< Hope everyone is okay (as can be expected) XXX
How does one eradicate fear or become fearless? Is it just genetic or cognitive too? Can it be worked on?
I sometimes feel I might get more enjoyment out of my life or that it would be worth living if I had no fear. Then in the (unlikely) event I discover that it still wasn’t at least I would be more likely to succeed in killing myself.
Why can’t I find anything sharp I need something I need it now I’ve tried punching myself in the face its not fucking working
Is it any wonder I prefer to try and hide from my problems/ bury my head in the sand? When EVERY fucking time that scrape myself off the shit hole that is my fucking floor and try and “do the right fucking thing” and sort shit out I just get kicked straight back down in the fucking dirt. And you wonder why I would rather not bother? Well fuck you. Fuck me. Fuck every fucking mother fucking fucker and thing FUCK EVERYTHING. FUCK OFF. I’ve fucking had it. I’ve had enough. RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH
I have to go outside today as much as I don’t want to. The rain is the only thing that welcomes me; my shield, my comfort. Hopefully there will be less people.. Rain please don’t stop; guide me through, follow me, dance around me, soothe my face, genteel and quieten my soul just for a little while and keep the others at bay. Cry on for me, I shall stomp on through, together we shall be okay.
Am I just a *****? If its easier for you to think that than to understand then I dont think you ever can..
I’m trying to tell you I cannot be what you expect and deserve. I’m trying to tell you that I don’t have the capacity for this right now. I barely have the capacity to get out of bed and before last night I hadn’t the capacity to even sleep. I’m sorry that it hurts. Hurt is why it is this way, I know it’s not your fault. Im trying to make you understand it to be honest it’s easier when I dont have […]
Imagine if we all had our own Navi to guide us through life..
Scrap that, apart from being incessantly irritating I’m not sure it would be a fat lot of help.. Oh god, if EVERYONE had one too.. Can’t get that vision out of my head.. Make it stop!!!
This may seem like a strange question but it’s something I have been pondering and toying with over the years and I just wondered if anyone here does or ever has a shaved head? Stay with me here..
My mum shaved hair in the early 90’s and she looked beautiful like Sinead O’Connor but this is not so much a question of vanity or aesthetics, I would like to know what people experienced/ felt/ thought during and after having it shaved; did they feel liberated, cleansed, reborn? It may sound silly but its yet another thing that I fantasize doing and cannot quite bring myself […]
I managed to miss my docs appointment this morning because I finally fell asleep. At least it’s not insomnia; probably just everything else.
I thought I’d finally introduce myself as I have been on this site a while; reading, scanning, sympathising, empathising and could never quite bring myself to write although I have often fought long and hard and tried deciphering in my head about what I would say. This time round I shall try and keep it a brief intro..
I’m 27 from the UK and I have been surviving or living with depression and anxiety (hell knows whatever else) for as far back as I […]
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