The more I try to pleasure others, the emptier and worthless I feel.
So…
I am thinking, and searching on Google about it. And it feels good doing so because then everything becomes bearable: being scared of my future, being alone, being tired. I am thinking of staying on bed all day. I am sucking bigtime on my work and on my classes. I am trying and trying. But at the end nothing is working against my depression.
I am on therapy and on classes on how to deal with things. I am here. I called people and tried exercising. Tried being positive and living in present time. That’s what I am working on right now. But if I could […]
So I made someone a gift. And also thinking of you SPers. Hope you all enjoy it. 😉
It’s not finished yet but it’s kind of understandable now
Mom has lost her keys again,
dad keeps seaching for his cell phone,
sis is busy in her laptop,
bro is listening to music.
And I know where the keys are,
and I know where the phone is.
And I know what she is searching
and I know what he found there.
So I know what is comming,
but don’t know whats going on.
—
I feel worthless, empty and alone.
I will no kill myself anytime soon but I am destroying my life… doing nothing on the sofa
So, theory today says one looks for what one needs. If you are eating a lot of sweets is because you need to treat yourself in a sweeter way. If you are looking for spicy things are you looking for something exciting?
What are you looking for and what would it mean?
(Wanting to die, like wanting a real rest? Wanting a total change?)
Let’s try and talk about little things…?
I put my soul into a ship that sank. Now I am rootless, lost in space…
Always being blown by the wind, I caress other people’s bodies, refreshing some, bothering the rest.
Belonging nowhere.
Being but a word on a screen, faceless, invisible, weightless
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
So I decided to take off my post of shouting, I said thing I shouldn’t have said. Sorry about it, was too aggressive.
But I am rescuing Rocketman’s list of Confucius sayings 🙂 for the posterity. Do enjoy it.
Thanks to Alan and to Rocketman for you support today.
the idea as you know is to make fun of a very wise man Confucius! hey when he started making all these sayings he must of known he would also be a target for silliness! you don’t have to read them all but here are a few.
Confucius Jokes That […]
Everything seems ok, then someone asks: are you ok? And I start crying non stop. Yes everything is ok.
I have to go work, but I get there and do nothing.
I am feeling empty.
A few good opportunities came to hand this week. Things I would have given everything else for, a year ago. And here I am, not giving a fuck for them.
I just want to cry. I just want to stop feeling this sad.
Well yesterday was a good day… a lot of things were starting to fix themselves or at least thats how it felt. And yet… I am feeling so incredibly lonely…it’s as if I could go crazy if I don’t have someone to talk to.
but I am feeling so alienated… as if I were talking to people that lived in a parallel dimension, somehow I never reach no one. I feel rejected all the time.
I need people around me, and that’s so hard to achieve, because everyone is busy living their own lives, and I don’t want to live mine
I wanna stop feeling lonely…
Hey Wiskered-fish how are things going with your meds and the extra energy discovery?
Hey ToTrees, I shouldn’t say this because you erased your post but: Hey that’s really bad, the headache thing. Hope you may sleep a little more maybe? Or would it be better a short walk?
You know what’s been killing me this last days? Freetime… I gave it all to get some freetime and it exploted on my face.
Maybe you can become an inventor (I am rambling here) and design a device to keep racoons away hahaha.
Enjoy your cofee
Hey Ylem I am crossing my fingers everything everything goes right with your […]
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Why while everything is going fine, when I know how to deal with things and how to solve my problems do I refuse to be ok?
Why if I know everyone matter and everyone is valuable I just don’t know what to do with that?
Why do I feel so rejected? So inevitably rejected for all I am?
Why do I apologise all the time for what I am? Why can’t I stop apologizing? I hate to apologise for even breathing.
Why do I need to hear from others that I am ok? I need it every minute. I keep all day looking for someone to tell me I […]
Does anyone know of a website of failed suicide attempts consequences? I want to know what may happen if you cut your throat and survive. Is it a bad methd to try?
So I stoped talking to my parents if I can avoid it. I am going through that idea of geting my emotional independence, so if one day I do decide to put an end to this whole thing then they will be used to not having me around.
I am in a period of time when I am all alone again. My friends left the country (mine is one of those countries you always want to leave) and they are organizing their own lives. Good for them.
I was thinking that maybe this is how life is supposed to be : you grow up and learn you […]
There is nothing wrong with my life. Everything is perfect. But I am feeling so down, so sick, so bad.
I am so scare of failing my suicide attempt. I can’t move. I wont try it, I know it, and I hate it.
I am scared of men, I am scared of women too, I hate living. And yet, everything is going as each and every little thing should go. People are nice and everything is ok. Except my head.
I wish I was different in a deep unconscious way. But there is this part of me that’s rotten and that I can’t heal. I don’t know why. […]
I went to visit someone that has been helping my mom. My mother respects this woman very much, because she sais she had been feeling a lot better ever since she’s been talking with her. So I made an appointment and I told this woman about my situation, she said a few things that sounded reasonable but at some point, while I was talking, she stoped me and told me I have been a cheap w*hor*e all this time, she said that it is what I am, that even if I was doing it without concious, all the same that was what I am behaving […]
So I am the laziest person ever. I have been trying to convince my self of sitting down and write my tesis or to even read some articles as a basis. I don’t want to do it. I can’t do it. I hate having to do it. I really hate it.
I skip work today too. And even fail to do my part in a group I was trying to organize. The people are nice there, but they are getting tired of me. I just don’t want to do anything.
Last Monday I went to the doctor to ask for a remission for psychiatry (it’s necessary to […]
So why does that strange feeling of loneliness is so powerful and confusing?
Lots of people here relate to it.
But sometimes we can be alone and by ourselves without it hurting us, without it even matter.
And then agaim we can be surrounded by people and yet feel we are doomed by the solitude inside us.
What is it all about? How can it make us feel so bad, so wrong, so worthless?
This last week I was trying to be positive and for a few days I even convinced myself I was geting somewhere, forcing things, denying I was going through the wrong way. But I can’t help hurting myself. I always end up doing it. I turn everything against me and then I crush myself with every drop of energy I have. I can’t deal with me, with the things I say, and the decisions I take. I even hurt myself writing here things I shouldn’t. and talking to people about how ridiculous I am, and I say it as a matter of a fact and […]
So I wrote to him, asked him to come and now I am waiting.
I am ruined now. he is coming. I am so weak, but I want him.
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