Author

mranony

Just another coward and passer-by. Cheers, my friend. Have a good day. :)

(TW; mention of covid, politic’s bs, murder, sexual abuse) Hi, long time no visit

by mranony 7/11/2020

written by mranony

The world as of now is in chaos.
And my country is being run by crocodiles.
Politicians threatening lab workers to do 2-3 test even though they’re asymptomatic and negative of the virus.
All the while, citizens who has symptoms has been dropping like flies.
People got arrested or gunned down.
Government labeling University students as terrorists for doubting the system.
Influencial people defending and admitting to sexual abuses.
And half a fandom who wants a child dead. Fictional or not. That’s fucked up.

I know what I put down is heavy. I don’t know where else to put down my demise.

I’m just very sad about […]

7/11/2020 1 comment

proud of myself

by mranony 6/11/2019

written by mranony

So, i saw an old new years resolution of mine and I’m proud to say I did learn how to cook hehe

Also, I’m proud of myself for stopping myself from drinking more than necessary to avoid making people uncomfortable with my suicidal drunk stage~ And I had a legit fun weekend with my classmates during our trip~ And I connected with people and ate healthily and complete!

Also, new the site has a new UI, it’s really cool. Thank you hehe

6/11/2019 7 comments

why

by mranony 3/11/2019

written by mranony

I had the most irritating debate about rape with this one person that keeps correlating two entirely different matters. He doesn’t have enough data to back up his stands and we keep on coming back on the non-relating matter.

3/11/2019 14 comments

STOP, MATE

by mranony 8/8/2018

written by mranony

STOP COMPARING PEOPLE LIKE MENTAL DISORDER IS A RACE
EVERYONE CAN BE SAD ABOUT ANYTHING
EVERYONE CAN BE HAPPY ABOUT ANYTHING
STOP STOP STOPPPP

STOP TALLYING SCORES ON HOW MANY SCARS THEY HAVE
IT’S A FUCKING SCAR
NOT A FUCKING SCORE BOARD

JUST STOP. JUST FUCKING STOP.
THEY’RE PEOPLE NOT HORSES THAT YOU CAN BET ON HOW MANY PSYCHOLOGICAL DAMAGE THEY ATTAINED THEIR WHOLE LIFE

(note: my internal rant to someone)

8/8/2018 5 comments

Barks

by mranony 7/30/2018

written by mranony

I was on the rooftop. Just smoking my third cigarette.
There was a cat. It jumped on the dogs.
They bark nonstop.

I wasn’t planning on doing anything.
But my minded was clouded with nicotine.
And their barks grew tireless.
I wasn’t really planning but the thought grew louder than the barks.

I was on the edge before I knew it.
My mind was hazy.
I didn’t plan for this.
It just what it is.

The residents started coming out of their flats.
I wasn’t planning on disturbing them.
But that just what happened.
And I have to go down before they can alert the police.

I apologized and […]

7/30/2018 11 comments

Mama

by mranony 5/16/2018

written by mranony

I know you’re dead for a year now.
I know the word death and what it means
But all this time, I’ve been unconsciously thinking
You’re somewhere far away. Just a country away.

But this night, I finally realized you’re dead.
Dead and never coming back.
It’s not a movie or a game.
No reviving spells,
No Phoenix tears.
Just my tears

And I know that will never bring you back.

5/16/2018 3 comments

Who are you now?

by mranony 4/21/2018

written by mranony

I don’t know anymore.

I didn’t bother what the doctors said about my mind.
I disagreed and I denied the evaluations. All that matters is what I know.

I bothered what people said about my mind.
They mocked. They joked. They sarcastically accept what you have.
But I don’t know where the line overlaps.
So, I sarcastically accept I’m a normal edgy emotional fuck.

I am a normal edgy emotional fuck.

I just want to die without labels but some sort of clarification would help.

Do all humans crave death? I guess in a certain part of our life, it does become a norm.

Do we have to have a labeled […]

4/21/2018 2 comments

Bad things

by mranony 12/14/2017

written by mranony

It’s been a while since I had a really bad dream from the past. It’s the season maybe lol.

I wonder if I wasn’t molested by adults or became a victim of incest… I wonder if I’ll be a better person than I am today.

I wonder if they ever forget. I wonder if remembering makes me a slut because even now I can’t forget their touches. I can never forget and it makes me hate my everything.

12/14/2017 7 comments

lol

by mranony 11/5/2017

written by mranony

In the end, what’s the point?

11/5/2017 8 comments

I don’t want to die yet

by mranony 7/26/2017

written by mranony

I once wrote a story about a person who wanted to die. Then a person advised them to list down 3 good things everyday.
And so he did until he realized the little things. And slowly those little things became a big part of him.

He no longer wished death.

As playful as life can be, he was diagnosed with cancer. The hair he loved withered. The body he cared for decay.
And as he was lying on his death bed, he laughed like there’s no tomorrow.

And the tomorrow didn’t really came for him.

= = = = =

After coming this far, I don’t […]

7/26/2017 6 comments

So long, my beloved

by mranony 7/19/2017

written by mranony

I saw my mother died.
I saw every breath she struggling take.
I saw the twitches of her body as she dies.
I felt the warmth slowly leaving her body.
I saw my family breaking as my mother breaks.

And it was petrifying.

And as she was being embalmed,
I burnt every imperfection in my mind.
The scar on her left chest,
The stretch marks that bare the three of us.
And all the hardships she’s been through
etched in every part of her body.

And it was beautiful.

7/19/2017 3 comments

To whom it may concern (especially you, freeroma)

by mranony 6/16/2017

written by mranony

I had fun this day. We laughed a lot. We talked a lot.

I learned something so big that it opens something in me.

I feel something in me growing. I’m starting to realize my love for myself. Of course I didn’t suddenly gain this. It’s a long process. And I’m managing to keep up with it.

My mother is very sick right now. And I want to try my best to be more mature. To be less afraid of life consequences. And just live.

Of course, I’ll worry still. I’ll still cry. I’ll still feel helpless.

But hey, it’s life. I have loved death so why not life too.

I […]

6/16/2017 5 comments

wow

by mranony 4/27/2017

written by mranony

wowowow

I’m so toxic in a relationship

Why am I ruining something so great?

I’m so fucking stupid and shitty.

Why can’t I make someone happy?

I’m so unreliable hahaha

4/27/2017 3 comments

normal thought

by mranony 2/26/2017

written by mranony

Sometimes I just wanna kill myself just because but not really just because.

It’s just that everyday I’m thinking of it that it became so normal as saying, “Shit.”

So. Well. Shit. LOL.

(p.s. not a suicide note I still have exams tomorrow lol)

2/26/2017 2 comments

Questions

by mranony 2/23/2017

written by mranony

What do you guys do with your free time?
What’s a good way to motivate myself?
Do I really have to be extremely friendly to my university professors to save myself from college? Or is this optional?
Sometimes I need to stop after listening too much music but then silence is deafening too. What can I do about it?
How can I stop the urges?
How can I minimize the meltdowns?
How can I be a better person?

Should I get a cat? I’m thinking of getting a Ragdoll Siamese. They say they’re very cuddly. I just realized the effectiveness of house pets. They are pretty […]

2/23/2017 13 comments

Blocked

by mranony 2/5/2017

written by mranony

I’ve been having consecutive bad dreams. It’s been draining me.

I’m hated in those dreams. The world against me.

Great. My only escape is being blocked.

I don’t want to sleep for now.

2/5/2017 1 comment

scared

by mranony 1/6/2017

written by mranony

I’m really anxious that I think I’m pregnant. I am 2 days late and I feel terrible. I feel no symptoms but I can not be sure. I should have done more research before doing it. I don’t regret doing it with him but I don’t want to be pregnant. I can not be sure if he’ll leave me or not. I don’t want that to happen. I don’t want him to be depressed about it too. I don’t want to be stressed like this. We both don’t want it but there’s no legal abortion here. I’m sorry if you think abortion is wrong but […]

1/6/2017 4 comments

Good shit and bad shit

by mranony 1/2/2017

written by mranony

maaann, holidays are so draining. Welp thats done and all. And now school. Welp.

But eyy 2017, I’m finally going to live in a dorm… It’s a dream come true.. getting away from that house. I know my family is getting there but eh childhood dreams will remain.

I WILL LEARN HOW TO COOK.
I WILL LOOK FOR PART TIME JOB(I hope…)
I WILL SAVE UP MONEY
I WILL BE ONE STEP CLOSER TO BEING OKAY

Just one step at a time
I have my support system… I will be okay.

I hope you too 🙂

1/2/2017 2 comments

To You Who Came Running and Toppling My Plan

by mranony 12/31/2016

written by mranony

I just had a dream where we are laughing together. You are so happy. I wish I can dream forever so we can always be happy together. But I woke up and have to deal with these tears again.

I really thought it was the reality. Oh boy, am I wrong. You lil fuck you can’t just come over and fuck over my plan. You can’t just make me care for you and then suddenly say goodbye.

You made me listen to this song all night and I did. I think I deserve a reward for that.

Please. As selfish as this sounds, please don’t die yet.

I still […]

12/31/2016 2 comments

dont be a dick, death

by mranony 12/31/2016

written by mranony

I hope this year won’t take a lot from me.

12/31/2016 4 comments

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